In This Journal
by PenguinBuddy
Summary: Lily keeps a journal of all the times James Potter asks her out and of all the things he does to try and win her over along the path to true love. Complete! Written pre-HBP/DH
1. In this Journal

Disclaimer: I, Penguin, own nothing but the idea. J.K Rowling owns all of the good stuff.  
  
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"In This Journal" by the Penguin portion of penguin'n'tales  
  
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In this journal, I, Lily Evans, am going to write down every encounter in which James Potter asks me out. There have only been three so far, but I have the sinking feeling that there will be many more.  
  
I'm sure my parents would be thrilled if they knew I was using this journal for these purposes. They had hoped I'd keep an account of my life at Hogwarts, but I'm terrible at that kind of thing. I can't keep a journal to save my life. My life is too boring; I never have anything interesting to write.  
  
Number 1:  
Anyway, to begin with, the first time Potter asked me out was at the beginning of this year. We're both in fifth year, which is too bad, because if he were older, I'd get one year at Hogwarts with out him, but no such luck.  
  
It was at the Halloween Feast this year that he first asked me out. We were sitting at completely opposite ends of the table, and he stands up and yells "Hey! Evans? Want to go out with me?" for the whole bloody hall to hear! It was the most embarrassing moment of my life, or was up until that point at least. My face was probably redder than my hair, and that's saying something since I have deep red hair.  
  
I've found that the best thing to do with Potter is to ignore him. Not that it's easy, or that it really works, but one can try. It makes him frustrated when I don't answer. And besides, if you do say something to him, he seems to assume that enjoy talking with him and fancy him. If you're a member of the female population that is, and even if your not, he still thinks you worship the ground he walks on.  
  
Number 2:  
The second time actually occurred about twenty minutes later when the feast was over. My friends and I were heading back to Gryffindor Tower when he and his friends caught up with us and he grabbed my arm. Naturally, I tried to pull away, but he held on. He's too strong, quidditch player that he is. He ran his free hand through his hair, which annoys me to no end. He thinks it makes it look like he's just gotten off his broomstick, which is anything but true; it makes his hair look as though a rat slept in it.  
  
But I'm getting off topic here. The conversation as close as I can remember it follows.  
  
Potter: "Well? What's your answer?"  
  
Me: I didn't say anything, just looked away.  
  
Potter: "Go out with me Evans?"  
  
Me: Again, no answer.  
  
Potter: "I'll take that as a 'yes' then."  
  
Me: "No!"  
  
Then I yanked my arm away, and mustering all of my strength, stomped of his foot, which one I don't know, but he made a sound of pain which I very much enjoyed hearing. As I headed back to the common room, I heard him tell his friends "She loves me." As if! The stupid prat.  
  
Number 3:  
The third time was at the Slytherin vs. Gryffindor quidditch match. Of course, our team won, and Potter was the star of the game, even though the seeker caught the snitch. He just scored lots of points (he's a chaser). When the game was over and everyone was pouring out onto the field to congratulate the team, Potter magnified his voice with his wand, and once again for the entire school to hear, asked me out. "Evans, will you go out with me?" He then flew over to where I was standing with my friends to hear my answer.  
  
I threw my shoe at him. It didn't hit him, sadly. He has too good of reflexes to be hit my bad aim. In any case, he dove and caught the shoe before it landed on the ground and tucked it into the pocket of his robes. I haven't seen it since.  
  
Number 4:  
This brings me to the most recent event concerning Potter:  
  
Being in the same year and house and Potter makes it very difficult to avoid him. We have nearly all of the same classes except he takes Muggle Studies and I take Divination; why I ever took that class, I have no idea. By chance we even both chose to take Arithmancy.  
  
I swear James Potter is everywhere. I can't get away from him! Even when I walk to Divination, I pass his Muggle Studies classroom on the way there and he's always standing in the doorway ready to say hello and comment on something about my appearance. I believe today it was: "You look very festive Evans, with your deep red hair and sparkling green eyes. Kind of like a walking Christmas decoration."  
  
I suppose he thought he was trying to complement me, but it didn't work. I've had people telling me I looked festive since I can remember, and quite frankly, I'm sick of it.  
  
Then he asked me out. Nothing elaborate, just a simple: "Go out with me?" Needless to say, I said no. Will he ever get it through his thick skull that I don't want to date him?  
  
He's not a bad looking guy, but it's his personality that really drives me away from him. He is much too arrogant. He seems to be under the impression that he is better than the rest of us, that is, people who aren't teachers, of his friends. Somehow, he got the idea that because he's good at quidditch, and he gets good marks, that he's this wonderful person that everybody loves.  
  
Potter is good a quidditch, I won't deny it. He's one of the best quidditch players Hogwarts as ever seen according to many of the teachers and Madam Hooch.  
  
Potter is also very smart, at school that is. Not when it comes to trying to wrangle me into a date. He and his best friend Sirius Black are about the brightest students in our year, and maybe the school. The thing is, they never seem to study, all though they must at some time or another.  
  
Number 5:  
The nerve if him! I can't believe him! I wish he would just get on his broomstick and fly away, off into the sunset, never to be seen again. That sounded too romanticized didn't it? I wish he would get on his stupid broomstick in the middle of a storm, be blown away and never be seen again. There. That's better.  
  
The reason for my fury is, Potter, obviously, but it's more what he did than actually him. I was walking to Charms, when he came up from behind me, grabbed my shoulders, whipped me around and kissed me! His mouth on mine! Of course, all of his friends saw and were laughing at my shock.  
  
Shock is a good word, oh yes it is. I was so shocked that when he first kissed me, I didn't try to pull away, which he took as my wanting to kiss him. This is going to come back to haunt me, I just know it.  
  
After I regained my senses and pulled away, wiping my mouth, I screamed at him the following:  
  
Me: "Potter! You prat! What did you do that for?"  
  
Potter: "It's custom."  
  
Me: "What?!"  
  
Potter: "Mistletoe."  
  
I looked up then and realized that there was indeed mistletoe hovering over my head. I quickly ended that by pulling out my wand and vanishing it. Just then, Filch came around the corner, saw me doing magic in the corridors, which is against the rules, and promptly gave me a detention. Then Potter asked me out. I said no.  
  
Detention! I, Lily Evans have never had a detention in my life! The humiliation! I have to go and help Hagrid, the groundskeeper, gather some plant that grows in the Forbidden Forest for potions ingredients.  
  
The Forbidden Forest! If I come back alive, I'm going to kill Potter. If I don't come back alive, I'm going to haunt Potter until the end of his days. Wait, he'd take that as a complement, so never mind. I'll have my friends kill him for me. So either way, he dies.  
  
Number 6:  
Well, I lived, and it really wasn't that bad. Aside from the fact that he finds man-eating creatures extremely interesting, Hagrid is actually very nice. He's not at all what I expected.  
  
As I was climbing in through the portrait hole after my detention, Potter came up to me and apologized for getting me a detention and then asked me out.  
  
He had to ruin it! I was taking his apology seriously until he mucked it up by asking me out. If he thinks he's going to win me over this way, he's more of an idiot than I took him for.  
  
Number 7:  
Stupid, stupid, Potter. I catch him hexing a first year student and he asks me out.  
  
Me: "Leave her alone Potter! What did she do to you?"  
  
Potter: "She was singing."  
  
Me: "And that gives you the right to hex her to moo each time she opens her mouth?"  
  
Potter: He just shrugged and grinned; what a wanker. "Go out with me Evans? I'll take the curse off her of you will."  
  
As if he can bargain about that sort of thing. I wouldn't go out with some one as part of an agreement; when I choose to go out with someone, it will be because I care about him. And that 'him' will not be Potter.  
  
Me: "Dream on Potter. Take the curse off her! Now!"  
  
Potter: "Why not?"  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
Potter: "Why won't you go out with me?"  
  
Me: "Because you're mean and arrogant! Now take it off her!"  
  
He took it off her, but not without making her moo one last time. Prat.  
  
This is my first Lily/James fan fic, so please review and give me some positive feedback!  
  
Thanks! :-) 


	2. Wherever I Am, There He Is

Disclaimer: I own nothing; J.K Rowling owns all of the brilliance.  
  
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LonelyWord: My first reviewer! Thank you so much, I really can't tell you how happy your review has made me! I'll have a friend of mine who likes to write look over my chapters. Thanks for your suggestion!  
  
Loves to Read: I'm glad you think it's funny! I'm trying! And yes, I will continue! (  
  
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"In this Journal"  
  
Number 8:  
James has this impressive knack for finding me wherever I happen to be. I can be in the library, the common room, or the grounds, but you name it, he can find me. I can be in up in the girls dormitory, and he'll be waiting at the bottom of the stairs to "escort" me to dinner or some rubbish like that. The impressive thing is, he never seems to try. He doesn't act like he searched all over creation for me, just like he chose to look there, and there I was!  
  
I wonder how he does it. If I could just get away from Potter, I could avoid being asked out. Because whenever he seeks me out, he usually asks me out. Therefore, if he couldn't seek me out, he couldn't ask me out. Did that make sense? I think it did.  
  
James's knack for finding me leads me to the reason for Number Eight.  
  
Tonight I was in the library researching the properties of moonstones for potions class. Normally, it would be easy to find someone in the library, but I was in the very back where there are no windows and it's kind of dark and dingy. Let's just say it's not the first place that you would look for someone.  
  
He found me.  
  
Not that I was hiding, but he found me there, of all places. I think Potter has spies keeping track of my every move.  
  
I was trying to reach a book on a particularly high shelf when he strolled into the row of books I was in and asked which book I was trying to reach. I tried ignoring him, I really did, but I was getting tired of jumping and I was too lazy to go and get a chair to stand on. Serves me right for being lazy.  
  
I ended up telling Potter which book I was after and he got it down for me. Or rather I thought that he had gotten it down for me. He held it above his head, where he knew full well that I couldn't reach it and demanded that I go out with him in exchange for the book. A well placed kick to the shins and Potter handed over the book.  
  
Number 9:  
I'm more convinced than ever that Potter has spies telling him where I am, or something to that effect. Maybe he has me bugged.no, that can't be it; electricity doesn't work in Hogwarts. Darn. It was a good theory for point two seconds.  
  
I was at Hagrid's for tea; you see (hey! that rhymed!) he invited me to bring a friend for tea sometime while I was there for my detention. Anyway, there my friend Hestia Jones and I were talking with Hagrid in his kitchen when someone knocks on the door. I thought it was probably one of the teachers, possibly Professor Kettleburn; sometimes he needs help with a large and dangerous creature, and that's right up Hagrid's ally.  
  
Hagrid opens up the door and who else is standing there but James Potter himself. I coughed into my tea and nearly spilt it. Hestia had to grab my biscuit, which I had dropped and slap me on the back a few times before I could breath properly again.  
  
It seems Hagrid had invited him to tea also when Potter was at a detention of his own. Apparently, James comes for tea with Hagrid quite often.  
  
Bugger. Hagrid's awful nice; I wouldn't want to turn down tea with him just because I might run into Potter. Merlin knows I can run into him just as many other places.  
  
Potter aside, Hestia and I had a nice time. Well, Hestia doesn't mind Potter like I do, so it wasn't torture for her. Anyway, we were all walking back up to the castle when Potter decided to ask me out. He's certainly not shy, that's certain. I mean, Hestia was standing right there, and he says fairly nonchalantly, "Hey Evans, would you go out with me?" I don't even need to say what my answer was.  
  
I suppose he's already proved that he's not in the least bit shy, but still.. I don't like being asked out in front of other people; shouldn't it be just the two people in question? Having a friend along sort of takes the romance out of it. Not that there was ever any romance with Potter to begin with.  
  
What is it with Potter needing to ask me out on a regular basis when the answer is clearly going to be 'no'. The answer will always be 'no', and that will never change.  
  
Never.  
  
Number 10:  
Today was a Hogsmeade visit, which I normally would have enjoyed, but Potter decided that he and his friends were going to hang out with my friends and me. I should have realized from the start that no good could come of that.  
  
They first met up with us at Three Broomsticks where we all enjoyed a nice butterbeer, and the boys insisted on paying for us. Too bad Potter paid for mine.  
  
We then wandered over to Honeydukes and bought some chocolate to eat while roaming around the village. Potter actually bought everyone, not just me thank Merlin, a slab of chocolate, which despite the fact that Potter gave it to me, was rather tasty.  
  
As we wandered around and ate our chocolate, Remus Lupin and I started a conversation about the essay that Professor McGonagall assigned. Despite that fact that he's friends with Potter, Remus is much less mischief inclined than his friends, and more sensible. He's more the type of guy that I could like.  
  
Right in the middle of our discussion, Potter had to butt in and join in our conversation. Potter gave Remus a death glare and Remus took the hint that he wanted to talk with me. Stupid Potter, ruining my perfectly good conversation with a guy who's actually nice.  
  
Potter and I talked about quidditch for a while. He nearly died (darn, so close) when I admitted that I didn't understand quidditch. He then proceeded to explain all of the rules, positions, etc. to me, and I hate to admit it, but the game does make a little more sense now.  
  
Everything was fine until he pushed his luck by asking me out.  
  
Potter: "Evans, would you please go out with me?"  
  
Me: "You had to ask didn't you? We were having a nice time until you just had to ruin it!"  
  
Potter: "Sorry."  
  
Me: "No, you're not! Leave me alone!"  
  
Potter: "Wait, Evans, I said I was sorry!"  
  
Me: "I said leave me alone!"  
  
I didn't feel much like hanging out with everyone after that, so I went back to the castle to work on my Transfiguration essay.  
  
Author's Note: The third chapter will be coming sometime this weekend after I've had time to revise and proof it and after that I will try to post on a fairly regular basis. I can't make any promises though; I usually have quite a bit of homework. However, I will not abandon the story! Please review with some helpful feedback! 


	3. Happy Holidays

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling is the brilliance and inspirations behind everything. She also owns everything.  
  
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Loves to Read: I do try to be funny, I'm not sure I always succeed though. Yes, I will continue, I promise I will not abandon this story! I noticed that you put my story on your favorites list.wow. Me! On someone's favorites list.I'm really shocked. All I can say is thank you!  
  
Ilovethedotgame: Thanks Mo! Glad you like it!  
  
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Chapter Three: Happy Holidays  
  
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Number 11:  
  
  
I don't think that Potter's parents ever told him the meaning of the word 'no'.   
  
Today is Christmas and that stupid prat who goes by the name of James Potter gave me a present: a bottle of love potion.  
  
  
  
1.) It's illegal  
  
2.) Potter, love potion, and I do not go in the same sentence!  
  
3.) It's illegal  
  
As he watched me unwrap it, he said something about once I took a sip of it my whole attitude towards him would change.  
  
I emptied the entire potion down the drain in the girls' lavatory in our dorm. When I uncorked then bottle to dispose of the stuff, a misty like substance rose out of it to form the words "Go out with me Evans?"  
  
He asked me out without even being there! This could just be the tip of the iceberg! What if he keeps sending me messages and whatnot? Not only would I have to watch out for him, but also for Merlin knows what!  
  
Angry as I am, I can't help but feel slightly impressed with Potter. The love potion is supposed to be highly complex and difficult to brew; the potion needs almost constant stirring and it takes two months to prepare. Potter and Black together are smart enough to pull it off, but still.. he must have been planning on giving me that since late October. Merlin's beard!  
  
Well, all of his hard work went down the drain! (No pun intended)  
  
Number 12:  
  
I have come to the logical conclusion that mistletoe is the most evil plant on the face of the earth.  
  
Today at lunch, Potter decided to charm a sprig of mistletoe to hover above my head so he could kiss me and ask me out again. I saw that one coming from a mile away!  
  
It's sad. The only two kisses I've ever gotten from a guy (excluding my dad) have come from Potter. A girl's first kiss should be with someone she fancies, not some quidditch fanatic, prank happy, girl-harassing prat like Potter.  
  
Life is so screwed up. If it was any other guy besides Potter, I'd be flattered. Well, maybe not Peter Pettigrew or any of the Slytherins, but you the general picture.  
  
Why ME?! The complete wanker could have just about any other girl in the bloody school, but as fate would have it, he chose me.  
  
I want a new life.  
  
Number 13:  
  
Last night was New Year's Eve and our House had a party to celebrate the coming in of the New Year.  
  
Potter and his partners in crime got a load of sweets from Honeydukes and some butterbeer and some other drinks that were probably toxic from Three Broomsticks. How they managed to get all that without being caught is beyond me. Probably the same way Potter always knows where I am.wait, that didn't make any sense. Disregard it. The two couldn't possibly be related in ay way, shape, or form.  
  
Back to New Year's Eve...The common room looked nice for the occasion except that someone (three guesses who) strung up a large banner saying: "Lily Evans? Will you go out with me?" And when I wrote 'saying', I didn't mean that's what the sign read, I mean that coming from the banner was Potter's voice asking me out.  
  
To add another log on the fire, at the count down till midnight, Potter came up to me and on 1.0.Happy New Year, kissed me. I was ready this time though and slapped him across the right cheek.  
  
Merlin, Potter is so incredibly thick! After I slapped him, he just grinned at me, grinned! Hello! When someone slaps you, you say "ouch" with an indignant tone in your voice, stagger backwards for effect, and get mad at the person who slapped you. But Potter would have to be different; he kept staring at me with a dreamy expression and rubbing the spot where I hit him on the cheek.  
  
Then, as I was about to go to bed, Potter approached me and asked to talk with me. I said no and quickly ran up here to the girls' dormitory because it's the only place in Hogwarts where I can escape from him.  
  
Number 14:  
  
This morning when I came down the stairs to the common room, Potter was blocking the portrait hole and wouldn't let me out until I'd promised to walk to the Great hall with him for breakfast.  
  
On the way, he made a little speech that went something like this:  
  
"Evans, since it's a new year and all, can we start over? Please? I really want you to be my girlfriend. We'd make a smashing pair: 'brilliant quidditch player and redheaded beauty', we'd be the hottest couple Hogwarts has ever seen! What do you say?"  
  
  
  
It took all of my strength to keep myself from strangling Potter there outside the Transfiguration classroom. I nearly told him to go and shove it.well.somewhere that's really not very polite, but I restrained myself.  
  
  
  
Instead, I still lost my temper and told him that he was an arrogant pig who needed to get a life. Then, I walked away to sit with people who don't harass me.  
  
Number 15:  
  
  
  
Where does he get his ideas?  
  
  
  
I was walking to charms with my friends when I heard a whistling sound. Not a normal whistle, like the one Madam Hooch uses for quidditch matches, no, it was a person. I asked my friends, were they whistling? No, they weren't.  
  
I listened closer only to find that it was the kind of whistle a boy sends a girl's way if he thinks that she's attractive. My first instinct was to look around for Potter, but then I remembered that he was in his muggle studies classroom waiting for me to walk by.  
  
When I did walk by, he grinned in the arrogant way of his, and ran a hand through his already thoroughly disheveled hair. If he doesn't stop that, I swear I'm going to cut off his hand!  
  
As I passed by with my friends (Hestia, Emmeline, and Alice), he just smiled at me and made a whistle exactly like the one I'd head earlier.  
  
  
  
If this isn't making sense, I understand. It took me all day to figure it out. Here's what was going on: Potter enchanted the suits of armor in the hallways to whistle at me whenever I walked by. To make matters worse, he and Sirius started to whistle at me too. Remus didn't; he's too proper to do that sort of thing, and neither did Peter. (I don't think he knows how to whistle) Some other guys even started whistling until Potter threatened to hex them. Apparently, he sees me as his personal property.  
  
  
  
Happy Holidays to me.  
  
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Helpful feedback is greatly appreciated! I will take suggestions into account, so please review! :-) 


	4. Roses are Red

Disclaimer: Everything except the journal idea is property of J.K Rowling. I would hope that it's obvious, but if not, there you go.  
  
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Beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
Notes to reviewers are at the end!!!  
  
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Chapter Four: Roses are Red  
  
Number 16:  
  
Valentine's Day looms closer and each day I grow more afraid of what Potter is going to do. You would think that recent events would have had some sort of effect on him, but apparently not. He is as persistent as ever, which I found out today.  
  
One minute I'm writing down facts about the goblin rebellions of A.D. 1214, and the next, James Potter is somehow writing in my notes, trying to hold a conversation with me. What the heck?  
  
I told him to go away, but he said no, and asked me out. In return, I said no and broke the quill. I tried using a different quill since I keep several ones in my bag, but they all had the same effect. This leads me to believe that in order for Potter to bewitch my quills, he needed someone to get to the quills from my bag for him, and then put them back. Which means, one of my friends is plotting against me.  
  
Why do my friends think that Potter and I would make a good couple? He's egotistical not to mention that he hexes people for fun while I tend to be more modest about my accomplishments and find bullies to be completely unacceptable.  
  
Those are just two reasons! There are lots more, but I'll get into that at a later date; I don't have time right now. I have to somehow sneak past Potter and get to the library. Good luck to me!  
  
Number 17:  
  
A lucky break for me; Potter wasn't in the common room or the library. In fact, I didn't see him or any of his friends last night. It was the best thing that's happened to me since I aced my Charms exam last week!  
  
However, today is a different story.  
  
I hope that whoever decided that the next Hogsmeade visit should be on Valentine's Day dies a very slow and very painful death. I've never particularly cared for the holiday, but now that I have a stalker, I hate it.  
  
Valentine's Day just gives Potter another sorry excuse to ask me out. (As though he needs one) The sooner Valentine's is over, the better.  
  
Whatever happened to the guys who knew how to treat a girl? Oh, I forgot; there never were any! All of the nice and interesting guys were born in a different generation. Well, except Remus, but he's a friend, so we'll leave it at that. I did fancy him in out second year, but let's not get into that.  
  
Today, Potter presented me with a single red rose with a note attached to the stem. It read: 'Come to Hogsmeade with me on Valentine's Day?' I had to restrain myself from sticking the stem (which had thorns on it) up Potter's nose.  
  
Number 18:  
  
It's not even 7:30 am on Valentine's Day and Potter has already struck. I woke up this morning to find a bouquet of red roses mixed with lilies-of-the-valley in a glass vase on my bedside table. A note was propped up against the vase reading: 'Roses are red, Violets are blue, There is no flower, As sweet as you. Be my valentine Evans?'  
  
It may sound stupid, but I'm taping the note in here so I can look back on this day and laugh. Really, this whole journal exists so that years from now, I can re-read this and laugh until I cry. Maybe I'll show this journal to Potter someday so he can see just how pathetic he is. No, on second thought, that would be too embarrassing for the both of us.  
  
I might as well face the inevitable and go down the common room and see Potter because I know he'll be there.  
  
Number 19:  
  
As I expected, Potter was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs. He offered me a rose and his arm; I took neither. Sadly, this did not seem to dissuade him in the least.  
  
Potter: Did you get the flowers?  
  
Me: Yes, I threw them out the window.  
  
Potter: You what?  
  
Me: I threw them out the window.  
  
He looked very angry in that moment and I don't' blame him, but I couldn't keep the flowers. My friends would never stop taking the mickey out of me and Potter would take my keeping them for more than it meant and Merlin knows I don't need that.  
  
For as angry as he looked, Potter recomposed himself rather well and the mornings' events did not stop him from pursuing me to Hogsmeade.  
  
I don't know why I went; it was a really stupid thing to do, playing right into Potter's hands. That boy had a whole plan, which, if I'm not mistaken, involved my friends.  
  
Hestia, Alice and I (Emmeline had a date with a Ravenclaw by the last name of Goldstein) did our best to avoid them, but Potter, Remus and Peter (Sirius had a date) found us in the Quidditch section of Flourish and Blotts. Somebody by the name of Alice told me that Potter would never think to look for me there; I think I was set up.  
  
I did everything in my power to loose Potter, but fate and my friends were against me. You would think that after spending nearly an hour in Gladrags Wizarding Wear, Potter might bug off, but he didn't. In fact, he seemed more determined than ever to stick with me the whole day. I suppose he thought that if he could stand an hour in a clothing store, he could do anything.  
  
I rather hate my "friends" at the moment; they abandoned me on purpose! Hestia supposedly wanted Remus's opinion of some book on The Dark Arts since he's quite good at that subject; then Alice and Peter left me to go and look at some Herbology stuff.  
  
Now I know that my friends are conspiring against me, because Alice doesn't like Peter because she finds him a bit creepy. I have to admit, I do too; he's such a follower. If she's spending time with Peter, something must be going on.  
  
That left me and Potter together, which is precisely what they wanted to accomplish. Prats. We wandered up and down the streets for a while; he kept trying to hold my hand, so I resorted to keeping my hands inside my cloak.  
  
After a visit to Scrivenshafts so I could buy some more quills to replace the ones that Potter had bewitched, we headed over to Three Broomsticks for a drink.  
  
I was thanking Potter (see, I can be nice to him) for paying for my butterbeer when he turned annoying again. He had been doing well up until that moment; I'd only wanted to hit him once or twice.  
  
Me: "Thanks for the butterbeer, you didn't have to pay for me, you know."  
  
Potter: "I wouldn't be much of gentleman if I didn't pay for my date's drink, now, would I?"  
  
When he said that, I started choking on my butterbeer and he had to slap me on the back a few times before I could breath properly.  
  
Me: "Date? You think this is a date?"  
  
Potter: "It sure seems that way; a girl, a guy, having a drink together.."  
  
Me: "For your information, this is not a date!"  
  
Potter: "It could be a date, you know, if you'd just say 'yes'."  
  
Me: "You did this on purpose! You and my friends, you planned this whole thing!"  
  
Potter: "They wanted to help me out."  
  
Me: "Help you? They're my friends! They should be helping me get rid of you!"  
  
I stormed out of Three Broomsticks after that outburst, and if I sounded a little hysterical to you, that's because I was. My friends are helping Potter.looks like it's just me against the multitude. I don't care what plan they concoct, I will not go out with James Potter.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
My thanks to:  
  
LadyBug: I thought about what you said, and I can see where you're coming from. Don't worry, they will get together, it will just take a little time. Remember this, is fifth year. Lily has yet to realize that James isn't the only one who needs to change.  
  
Ravenclaw Maiden: Thank you so much for the suggestion! I know I didn't use it in this chapter, but only because I already had this one planned. I promise though, I will use it next chapter; it was a really good idea! Thanks again!  
  
Mistress of the Lake: Thanks! I do have a beta now, so I hope I don't have any major grammar mistakes!  
  
Loves to Read: Glad to hear it! Keep reading!  
  
Brattychick1771: I'm glad you like it! Thanks for putting me on your favorites list, I feel really special now!  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: Thanks!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: I'm glad you like it!  
  
Thank you to all you reviewed and put me on their favorites list or the author alert thing! You really made my day!  
  
I feel that if you take the time to review, I should take the time to say something back, whether it is a good review or not, so please review with helpful feedback! You guys have been really good about that, so my extreme thanks to you. 


	5. Dream of Me

Disclaimer: Everything except the journal idea is property of J.K Rowling. I would hope that it's obvious, but if not, there you go.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
I'm really sorry for the wait, but I've had a lot of homework and I've been sick with a cold, so working on this was pretty slow. Once again, I'm sorry and hope you like this chapter!  
  
Notes to reviewers are at the end!!!  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Five" Dream of Me", Dedicated to Ravenclaw Maiden, for giving me the idea  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Potter didn't ask me out this time (yay!), so this encounter doesn't get a number, but I thought it was worth writing down.  
  
As I was heading up to my dorm for the night, Potter called out "Sweet dreams, Evans!" then he and Sirius shared a knowing look and dissolved into fits of laughter. Very suspicious; I'd better be careful.  
  
Number 20:  
  
Sweet dreams? They were nightmares! I dreamed of Potter! I was walking down the corridor by the Arithmancy classroom when suddenly he popped out of the room and asked me out. I said no and continued walking. I thought that I'd lost him, and then when I turned the corner, there he was! This happened about five more times before I woke up sweating and breathing deeply. It was still the middle of the night when I woke up, but I didn't go back to sleep for fear of more dreams of Potter.  
  
Owing to my lack of sleep, I am extremely tired today, and a little on the cranky side. So, watch out.  
  
Number 21:  
  
I'm paranoid. Really, I am. Every night for the past week, I have dreamed about none other than James Potter. And not just any dreams, mind you. In every single solitary dream I've had, he's asked me out. (That's why this gets a number)  
  
I've decided that I'm going home for Easter Holiday. I need a break from Potter; he's driving me insane! Wouldn't you agree that a person should be able to be safe in her dormitory under her nice warm covers and not have to dream about James Potter?  
  
Number 22:  
  
I'm only fifteen; I can't be having a midlife crisis at fifteen! Two weeks of dreaming about Potter. I don't think I can take it anymore!  
  
My plan of action is to avoid Potter like he's got a disease, which he probably does. They say you dream about stuff that happened while you were awake, so my theory is that if I don't see him, maybe I won't dream about him. I can't help the fact that I'll see him during classes, but I can try and sit on the other side of the room. If he approaches me, I will simply walk away.  
  
I really hope this strategy works; I'm flying off the trolley here.  
  
Number 23:  
  
I may have to kill Potter. I don't care if they throw me in Azkaban for the rest of my life, at least I'd have the satisfaction of knowing that he could never bother me again.  
  
I'm so incredibly mad at him that my hand is actually shaking with anger as I write this. I suppose I'd better explain.  
  
He put me under a spell to force me to dream about him. That has to be illegal on some level for Merlin's sake! He can't just strut around placing spells on whomever he feels like.  
  
Today, as I was walking to Transfiguration, Potter came up behind me, just like in one my dreams, and took my hand. I swear I nearly had a heart attack.  
  
Potter: "I haven't seen you much lately, Evans. Been avoiding me?"  
  
Me: "Yes! Now let go of my hand."  
  
Potter: "You think that by avoiding me you won't dream of me? Has it worked?"  
  
Me: What! - How did.how did you..."  
  
Then I put two and two together. Potter gave me that familiar smirk, and kiss on the right cheek before strutting off humming a song I recognized as "Goodnight My Someone".  
  
Potter's really done his research this time, I can tell you. I searched for the counter curse all night and I still haven't found anything!  
  
As I left the common room tonight, Potter came up to me. "Dream of me, Evans!" he said as he ran his hand through his hair and grinned cheekily. As if I have a choice.  
  
My thanks to all reviews!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thanks! I actually started an idea notebook where I write down every thing I think of. It's really very helpful.  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: A beta reader is like an editor. A friend of mine does my editing. She sees the little things I miss like some spelling, maybe sentence structure, and if things make sense.  
  
Kyptic Insanity: I glad you think it's that funny. I do try to make it funny. Love your user name!  
  
E.H: Thanks!  
  
Loves to Read: My faithful reviewer!! Thanks a bunch! Please keep reading!  
  
Princess19: Thank you! Glad you like it!  
  
Reviews are greatly appreciated, but I don't require them to update a chapter. As long as you guys like the story, that's what matters to me. :-)  
  
The next chapter will be coming sooner than this one did, I promise. I almost have it finished; I'll try to update sometime this weekend. 


	6. An Eventful Easter

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns everything but the journal idea. -teardrop-  
  
Chapter Six: A Very Eventful Easter  
by Penguin   
  
Number 24:   
The best part of my house used to be the fact that Potter wasn't here. Well, that just went out the window. He's not here in person, (I'd kill myself if he ever came to my house) but he's been sending me owls everyday suggesting that I should date him.  
  
I was sitting at my desk in my room today, reading Sites of Historical History, when a heard a tapping sound on my window. A snowy owl was hovering outside with a letter in its beak. At first, I thought it was a letter from a friend, but then I remembered that none of my friends own snowy owls.   
As you can probably guess, the letter was from Potter.   
  
Dearest Evans,   
I hope you're having a good holiday. Since you decided to go home for Easter Break, so did I. Life here is rather boring without you. I miss being able to glance across the classroom and see your pretty face. I would feel much less lonely if I knew that I could call you my girlfriend.   
Yours always,  
James Potter   
  
I miss being able to glance across the classroom and see your pretty face? How cliché does he get? Merlin man! Think of some better lines that that!   
  
I sent the owl back without a reply. Number 25:   
  
  
Can I just read my book in peace? Is that really too much to ask? Apparently. The same owl just arrived back at window with another letter.   
  
Dearest Lily-Flower,   
I'm saddened that you didn't reply to my letter. Arrow likes carrying mail. He actually gets quite upset if you don't have anything for him to carry.  
I still miss you Flower. Please, please, please, please, please go out with me? It would make me really, really, really happy.  
  
Yours always,  
James Potter   
  
Potter needs to think of something more original than please five times in a row. And Lily-Flower? That's the oldest line in the book. If Potter just figured out that I'm named after a flower, he's not quite as bright as I thought he was.   
  
I guess I should send a reply so Arrow doesn't try and bite me or something like that.   
  
How's this: Potter: The answer is still no.   
  
Good, eh?   
  
Number 26:   
I am so incredibly embarrassed. Last night, my family and I were seated around the table in our dinning room enjoying our meal when the doorbell rang. No one thought anything it, and my mum went to answer the door. We heard the door open, and then she screamed. I mean screamed. Who expects an owl to fly in the moment you open the door? That stupid bird flew down the hallway and found us in the dining room. Then, he swooped over the dinner table a couple of times before dropping the letter into the mashed potatoes. Petunia, my sister, covered her face with her arms and screamed that "the monster" was going to kill her. Seriously, now.   
  
I reached for the letter, but my dad got to it before I could. My dad! He read the piece of paper to himself, and then handed it over to my mum. She read the letter with a very amused smile and immediately wanted to know if I was seeing someone. Before I could assure her that under no circumstances would I date Potter, my dad launched into a lengthy speech about how I had not asked permission to see anyone. Furthermore, as my father, he had the right to deicide when I could start dating and whom I could date.  
  
Of course, Mum had to have her say. She felt that if I wanted to start dating, I could do so, but I should choose wisely and to remember, I'm only fifteen.  
  
I tried to assure her as calmly as I could, that I was about as interested in dating Potter as I was about jumping off of Big Ben without a parachute. She didn't seem to believe me. Petunia just had to add her two cents and say that from the contents of the letter, Potter and I seemed to be on very friendly terms with one another. We would probably end up getting married and have abnormal children just like me.   
  
Mum told her to refrain from saying such things to me; they were hurtful. Then she said, and I quote, "This James seems like a very nice young man. I'm sure I'd like to meet him sometime." He's got my mum on his side. Oh bugger. My list of allies is dwindling by the day.   
  
I finally got to read my letter.   
  
Dear Lily,   
  
I'm doing fine, thanks. I hope you're having a good holiday. Personally, I can't wait to get back to Hogwarts and see you again. I can only hope that you miss me the way that I miss you.  
To answer your question, I named my owl Arrow after the Silver Arrow broomstick. It was the first broomstick that I ever rode on and since Arrow is a pretty fast flyer, I thought it was fitting.  
Well, I'm sorry this letter is so short, but I have to go, my mum is calling.   
Yours always,  
James Potter   
  
That git! He made it sound as though he were on friendly terms with each other. He planned that. I just know it! He's going to pay once we get back to school.   
  
Number 27: Yesterday, (which was Easter) Potter sent me Easter Eggs. He has thing for holidays doesn't he? I'll say this for Potter, he's .learning's not the right word... gaining knowledge. He guessed that I would throw them, break them, etc. and he was right. I tried to break them by throwing them onto the sidewalk in front of our house, but when they hit the cement, they just bounced off. After the third egg, I decided to stop, just in case the neighbors would look out their windows and see eggs bouncing off the Evans's front walk.   
  
I set them on the kitchen counter, which was a mistake. Petunia found them and tried to open them. Strangely enough, they opened on a magical hinge and nothing bad happened. What was inside was the bad part. As fate would have it, the first egg she opened contained a piece of parchment with the words, "Lily and James Potter", and "James and Lily Potter" scribbled all over it.   
  
Naturally, Petunia gave it to mum, who got all misty eyed as though I were going to *marry* Potter. (Oh, that's a sick thought) Of course, she just had to show it to dad, who was less than thrilled with the whole thing. He's now decided to send a letter to Potter's parents to ask them to please restrain their son. I'm going to die of embarrassment the next time I have to face Potter or any of his friends.  
  
On a better note, the rest of the eggs except for one contained Honeydukes chocolate or Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans. The exception egg was a note from Potter asking me out. What's new? I kept the chocolate for myself, but left the jellybeans where Petunia found them and ate them thinking that they were real jellybeans. Revenge has never tasted so sweet.  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed! You people really know how to make a person's day!  
  
Sorry about the weird spacing, I'm not very good at this computer stuff. I was trying to figure it out earlier and I give up!  
  
child-of-scorpio: Thanks I haven't had it up that long really, so don't feel lie, you've been kissing out or anything like that.  
  
queenofdespair216: Thanks you. Yeah, my humor is weird, I know. But you're right; it's supposed to be that way because Lily isn't always thinking rationally, she's usually in some state of hysteria!  
  
Loves to Read: You review every time; that's great! Thanks for your support! :-D  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thanks for continuing to review!  
  
Sams-dog: Yours is my favorite review to date. Thank you so much!  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: You're right, it is sneaky, but James is like that at this point in time.  
  
I have a favor to ask. Would you guys please take a look at the story that Tales and I (I as in Penguin) are co-writing, called "Time and Again"? It would mean a lot to my friend Tales. 


	7. Sweet Sixteen and Been Kissed

Disclaimer: J.K Rowling owns everything but the journal idea. –teardrop-  
  
Beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
Chapter Seven: Sweet Sixteen and Been Kissed  
  
Number 28:  
  
It seems that Potter's new life goal is to embarrass me in front of everybody in Britain. He does it at school, and he even managed to embarrass me in my own home without actually being there! Good gosh!  
  
Maybe he thinks that if he can embarrass me enough, I'll just give up and go out with him to keep him from doing all the stuff he does... Sorry, my mind doesn't work that way. I've said it before and I'll say again: when I go out with someone (with my parents permission of course) it will be because I care about the person in question.  
  
Anyway, every year my parents escort me to the Hogwarts Express to see me off safely. Petunia stays at home, and that's just fine and dandy with me. Normally, the whole routine is extremely uneventful and rather boring. My dad loads my trunk into the luggage compartment while joking that I brought my entire room with me. Then, I give each of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and I board the express. End of story.  
  
Unfortunately for me, the story did not end there this year. Just as I was giving my mum her hug, I heard his voice. "Oy! Evans!"  
  
I cringed like I have never cringed before. It's bad enough having to come across Potter alone or with your friends, but when you meet up with him in the company of your parents of all people, well... it's a nightmare.  
  
My mum is completely taken with James Potter. I kid you not. She thinks that he's "a nice young man with excellent manners." If only she knew that her nice young man is my stalker. Not that it would make any difference, mind you.  
  
That complete and utter git told my mum that it was such a pleasure to meet her and that he could see where Lily got her good looks from. I nearly threw up.  
  
Potter shook hands with my dad and said he was very pleased to meet him, and that it was so nice to finally meet him. Liar. Since when as Potter wanted to meet my parents?  
  
My dad seemed slightly wary of Potter. I guess he remembered the Easter letter. Good for him. Watching out for his youngest daughter like he should be, instead of trying to wrangle her into dating him.  
  
When it was time to get on the train, Potter offered me his hand to help me up, and when I smacked his hand instead of taking it, my mum practically had a seizure.  
  
"Lily Christine Evans! How dare you be so rude! James is simply trying to be gentleman; the least you can do is try to be a lady! Yak, yak, yak."  
  
I took his hand, but the first thing I did once I was on the train was go to the lavatory and washed my hands quite thoroughly.  
  
Number 29:  
  
All Easter, I didn't dream one single dream about Potter. It was heaven. Pure heaven. I thought that maybe, just maybe, Potter had given up on the dream thing.  
  
I couldn't have been more wrong if I tried. Last night, I dreamed about what happened at the train station with Potter and my parents. How typical of him to make me relive my most embarrassing moment ever.  
  
The strange thing was, it was the same scene and yet different. I was seeing the whole episode from an outsider's point of view. James seemed...nice, and I seemed, well, rude. It was really one of the strangest things I've seen in my life. It almost makes me feel bad to think about it, but then I remember all of the mean and sneaky things Potter does to me, and any guilt I have instantly dissolves.  
  
However, the dream didn't end there. Potter and I boarded the train and this time, I didn't go to wash my hands. I went to sit down with my friends in the compartment they had staked out and Potter came with me like we did this sort of thing everyday. A scary thought that is. Anyway, we both sat down with Hestia, Alice and Emmeline and had a normal conversation. I can't remember what we "said" but it seemed like second nature. He's got me so messed up with this dream thing.  
  
Number 30:  
  
This makes thirty times that Potter has asked me out this year alone. Can you say desperate? Seriously, now. I'm not that good looking and there are loads of girls just begging to hang off James Potter's sleeve. Why can't he just pick one of them and make everyone's life a heck of a lot easier? Because this is Potter we're talking about.  
  
Today before Arithmancy, Potter came up to my desk and sat down in the seat in front of mine, just to spite me. He then started talking to me to like we were friends or something.  
  
Potter: "I didn't know that your middle name was Christine."  
  
Me: "There's a lot you don't know about me Potter."  
  
Potter: "It's a very pretty name. Lily Christine Potter - I mean, Evans."  
  
Me: "Potter?"  
  
Potter: "Yes?"  
  
Me: "Bugger off."  
  
I picked up my stuff to move, but as I did, I noticed that while Potter was talking to me, the rest of the class had come in, and there weren't any more seats left.  
  
Me: "You prat! You did that on purpose!"  
  
Potter: "Did what?"  
  
Me:" You know perfectly well!"  
  
Potter: "I know that I like you and that we'd make a good couple."  
  
Me: "Don't be stupid you idiot! You talked to me so I wouldn't move, and now there aren't any seats left!"  
  
My voice had been getting louder with each sentence and by the last one, I was practically shouting. Everyone in the classroom including the teacher looked at me and Potter with very amused expressions. I nearly died.  
  
Potter smiled and waved to everyone, but I shrank down in my seat as the professor asked if we were done, and if we were, could he kindly begin class? I nearly died again.  
  
Number 31:  
  
Somebody is going to get it. Somebody told Potter that my birthday was today. Somebody told him what I wanted for my birthday. Somebody did his dirty work for him again.  
  
This morning when I was getting ready, in everything I opened, be it my dresser or my closet, there was a birthday card from Potter. They were quite neat actually. You see, they were magical cards, so they sang 'Happy Birthday', spit out confetti, and even tap-danced across my dresser.  
  
The only bad thing about the cards was that the confetti one started to malfunction and throw out excess amounts of metallic paper bits until the entire floor and most of our possessions were covered with colored confetti. It took us a good ten minutes to find the counter spell and then since nobody could remember the spell to clean up stuff like that, we had to look up that spell too.  
  
When I finally arrived in the common room, Potter approached me with a large package in his hands. "Happy Birthday" he said as he handed the box to me. I was going to go back to the dormitory and stuff it under my bed and hopefully forget about it, until Sirius started chanting that I open the package there and then.  
  
He, as in Potter, went out and bought me a whole set of books on Charms. They have really nice pictures and details and...just all sorts of neat things. They're wonderful except for the fact that they came from Potter.  
  
A small card was in the front cover of the first book. It read: "To a very special flower on her birthday. May it be a memorable day filled with joy. " Then, at the bottom he had written: "It would be memorable if you agreed to go out with me...and filled with joy. Defiantly. What do you say?" Um...no!  
  
That part wasn't bad. The bad part came at breakfast. Potter stood up on the bench and announced to the entire Hall that it was my birthday and then proceeded to lead them in the Happy Birthday song. That's three times in two weeks that I've nearly died of embarrassment. At the rate I'm going, I'll be dead by next term. Oh well, then I won't have to face Potter. It's all for the greater good.  
  
After breakfast, as my friends and I were walking to our first class, I noticed that people were looking at me rather oddly. At first, I thought it was because of the spectacle Potter made of me at breakfast, but then Alice realized that, hovering above my head, there were the words "Sweet Sixteen" in red and gold lettering. Potter had struck again.  
  
In Potions, the professor paired me up with Potter. I don't think that he did it to make me suffer, although it was defiantly a fringe benefit. I think he wanted to separate Potter and Black. The last time they were Potions partners, everyone had to go to the hospital wing to.... well, you really don't need to know why. It's a little on the embarrassing side, so I won't go into it.  
  
Of course, being paired with Potter, I could hardly avoid him.  
  
Potter: "So, Evans. Sweet sixteen huh?"  
  
Me: "Potter, leave me alone and get to work."  
  
Potter: "Did you like the books I gave you?"  
  
Me: "No, go away."  
  
Potter: " I think you do."  
  
Me: "And what gives you that idea?"  
  
Potter: "Because you have one of them with you right now."  
  
Me: "Bugger off."  
  
He then proceeded to ask me about being kissed. It has to be one of the strangest conversations I have ever had in my entire life. Not to mention that it was highly embarrassing.  
  
Potter: "Sweet sixteen and never been kissed?"  
  
Me: "Add the newt eyes and stir them for five minutes."  
  
Potter: "What, you've never been kissed?"  
  
Me: "Potter, just add the eyes."  
  
Potter: "Oh, that's right, you have been kissed – Dramatic pause- by me."  
  
Me: "I had to gargle afterwards."  
  
Potter: "Personally, I enjoyed it."  
  
Me: "You would."  
  
Potter: "So who else have you kissed?"  
  
Why he wanted to know this, I have no idea.  
  
Me: "I don't think that's any of your business, Potter."  
  
Potter: "I've kissed you; I think it is my business."  
  
I think his logic is a little off. Okay, his logic is a lot off.  
  
Potter: "I bet I'm the only one who's ever kissed you."  
  
Me: "And what is it to you?"  
  
Potter: "Your first kiss came from me."  
  
How did he know that? Like I said, somebody is going to get it, whenever I find out whom this somebody is. Well, I have three guesses, personally, and my chips are on Hestia.  
  
Me: "Potter, just add the eyes, stir the potion, and concentrate on your work. Is that so hard?"  
  
Potter: "Yes, actually, it is."  
  
Me: "And why would that be?"  
  
Potter: "Because I'm working with a pretty girl."  
  
Me: "Bugger off."  
  
Yeah, I know I tell him to bugger off a lot, but on short notice it's the best I can do. He makes me so frustrated and angry! My mind goes blank the minute he walks in the door. For once in my life, I wish I could say exactly what I want to say to him, when he's there. After he leaves, I always know what I should have said or done, but when he's there...I can't think strait. He messes with my mind. Literally. So goes my life.  
  
Thank you to all who reviewed!  
  
child-of-scorpio: I'm glad you liked the ending! I was homing someone would comment on it! :-)  
  
J.E.A.R.K.Potter: I get my ideas from imagination, really. I keep a notebook of all of my ideas. Whenever I get an idea, I take out my handy- dandy notebook and write it down!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thanks! I would have died if that happened to me to. I'd rather write about it.  
  
Princess Pixie Ice: Thank you! I'm glad you've discovered my fan fic and please keep reading!  
  
Ariana: Your user name sounds familiar...I think I might have read something of yours once upon a time. I don't know where I came up with the moo-ing thing...it juts kind of...came.  
  
queenofdespair216: Yeah, making James be annoying is so fun. Wow! I had already planned what I was going to put into this chapter when I read your review and saw that you had kind of predicted what was going to happen! :-)  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: Thanks, I was rather proud of that idea.  
  
Unperfection: To answer your question, yes, I am going to do the whole "Snape's worst memory thing". In fact, that's going to be the big event next chapter.  
  
Loves to Read: I think it's so great that review every chapter! It makes me feel really special to know that people are out there who are waiting for me to update!  
  
Reviews are greatly appreciated! 


	8. James Potter: Resident Troublemaker

Disclaimer: "Snape's Worst Memory" belongs to J.K Rowling as does just about everything else. Sad, but true. That's way life is.   
  
Beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
  
  
  
  
Chapter Eight: James Potter, Resident Trouble Maker  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Number 32:   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I don't know what it is about the end of the term, but every year, right before final exams, during, and after, Potter and his cohorts always seem to pull lots of pranks and get into trouble. Well, more trouble than usual. And this year, he's tied in asking me out with all of his pranks, jokes, whatever. What a bloody nuisance.   
  
  
  
  
  
Just yesterday, he charmed all of the desks to have L.E + J.P engraved in the wood. Sounds harmless right? Wrong. You thought Potter could be harmless? I laugh at you.   
  
  
  
  
  
It was Emmeline who first noticed the engraving on my desk and once I realized what it was, I tried to cover it up with my hand lest anyone notice it. As soon as my skin touched the letters, they turned bright green and my voice could be heard saying "L.E + J.P = loooove." Then, came Potter's voice asking me out.   
  
  
  
  
  
I must have turned at least five shades of red, each a darker color than the last. At first, I thought that was just something that Potter had done to my desk, but no. Potter had bewitched every single desk in the bloody school to do that. So naturally, Potter spent his entire day "accidentally" touching the engravings to embarrass me and get a laugh out of the other students. How typical of him.  
  
  
  
  
  
At least I can say with grim satisfaction that Potter received a detention from Professor McGonagall for his little prank. I say grim satisfaction because by the time I got to Potions at the end of the day, the Potions Master was getting rather ticked off with people just happening to touch the carvings. Hestia, who was my potions partner, just happened to set our crushed nettles on top of the engraving on my desk. When I went to pick up the dish, my finger rubbed against the letters and sent the stupid thing off.   
  
  
  
  
  
I received a detention for "rudely disturbing the class". Stupid Potter. That's twice in one year that he's caused me to get a detention. I've gone from no detentions in four whole years to two in one year. And, it's all Potter's fault.   
  
  
  
  
  
I swear, someday, I will get even with Potter for everything he has put me through. I don't know what, when, how or where, but I will find a way if it takes me the rest of my life. Watch me become obsessive compulsive over this. Of course, he'd like that wouldn't he? I bet.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Number 33:   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
I detest people who bully others for sport, tormenting and mocking them in front of a crowd of on-lookers. Hence, I detest James Potter, because he is one such person. Today, after our Defense Against the Dark Arts O.W.L, he and Sirius Black teamed up to hex and publicly embarrass Severus Snape.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Emmeline, Alice, Hestia and I were sitting underneath a beech tree on the lakeshore looking over our notes for our upcoming O.W.L when a loud bang drew our attention. Across the lake from us were Potter and Black hexing the pants off of Snape. Which, I might add, they very nearly did  
  
  
  
We watched them for a minute or two before I decided to take action. My friends were in shock. Me, help Snape - a Slytherin who's famous for his knowledge of curses?   
  
  
  
Yes.  
  
  
  
  
  
Personally, I've never cared for Snape one way or another. He's a creepy guy and is a little too interested in the Dark Arts for my liking. All in all, Snape could fall off the face of the earth, and I probably wouldn't notice or care.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
But suddenly, it was no longer about Snape and Potter. It was about my being able to help someone in the same position that I had been in so many times before.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Having the mickey taken out of you in front of a crowd is about as much fun as having your fingernails peeled off. Not that I would know about the fingernail part, but I do know about being humiliated in front of a crowd.   
  
  
  
  
  
Back when I was in primary school, I only had one friend, Victoria Turner. Nobody else wanted to be my friend because of all of the strange things that happened around me. I had to help Snape because I know how it feels.  
  
  
  
  
  
I marched right over to Potter and demanded that he leave Snape alone.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: "Leave him alone!"  
  
  
  
Potter: "All right Evans?"  
  
  
  
  
  
It's the strangest and stupidest thing. Lately, whenever Potter addresses me, his voice suddenly becomes deeper. I suppose that he's trying to be more mature than he is, which shouldn't be too hard, since he has all the maturity of a five year with a box of finger paints. Still, Potter's voice change just adds to the ever-growing list of reasons why he is the most pathetic person in Britain. Or the world for that matter.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: "Leave him alone! What's he ever done to you?"  
  
  
  
  
  
Okay, I admit that was a pretty pointless thing to say since Snape doesn't exactly pass up an opportunity to hex Potter or his friends. I have only myself to thank for Potter's "witty" comeback.  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "Well, it's more the fact that exists, if you know what I mean..."   
  
  
  
Me: "You think you're funny, but you're just an arrogant, bullying, toerag Potter. Leave him alone."  
  
  
  
  
  
So, it wasn't my best comeback. It was the first thing that came to mind.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "I will if you go out with me Evans. Go on... Go out with me and I'll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again."  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Is it just me, or have we not been over this several (thousand) times before? Earth to Potter, my answer has not changed since yesterday.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: "I wouldn't go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid."  
  
  
  
  
  
I mean that too. I would rather tell people that I'm going with a squid than with James Potter.  
  
  
  
  
  
Snape then hit Potter with a nasty curse that cut a gash in the side of Potter's head and sent blood flying everywhere.  
  
  
  
  
  
However, Potter got him back (and more) when he hung Snape upside down in midair. I can tell you, Snape's underwear is something that I never want to want to see again in my entire life. My eyes still burn.   
  
  
  
  
  
I almost laughed, but then I remembered my purpose there was to defend Snape, not mock him, so I resisted. I told Potter to let Snape down and he complied by jerking his wand up sharply, causing Snape to fall to the ground in a heap. No sooner had Snape begun to stand up, than Sirius placed the full body bind curse on him and he was back on the ground, stiff as a board.  
  
  
  
  
  
I yelled at the both of them to leave Snape alone (I'm beginning to wonder if they aren't deaf. How many times do I need to repeat myself before I'm heard?) and pulled out my wand, ready to take drastic measures.  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "Ah Evans, don't make me hex you."  
  
  
  
Me: "Take the curse off him then."  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter sighed deeply and dramatically before taking the curse off Snape. Given Potter's supposed feelings towards me, I really don't think he would have hexed me anyway.  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "There you go. You're lucky Evans was here Snivellus."  
  
  
  
Snape: "I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her."  
  
  
  
  
  
Now that was unexpected. I spend ten minutes of my life defending this guy and he turns around and calls me a...Mudblood? So much for trying to help out those in need.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: "Fine, I won't bother in future. And I'd wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.   
  
  
  
  
  
I am such a hypocrite. I know that he called me a Mudblood, but that's no excuse for my poor behavior. In my anger, I became what I was trying to defend Snape from. I stooped to Potter's level.  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "Apologize to Evans!"  
  
  
  
Me: "I don't want you to make to apologize. You're just as bad as he is!"   
  
  
  
Potter: "What! I'd never call you, a - you-know-what!"  
  
  
  
  
  
By that time, I'd had it. Seriously, I snapped. I'd had enough of Snape, of Potter, and just everybody at that point. So, then and there, I told Mr. James Potter, quidditch star and troublemaker, what I thought of him. What I truly thought of him, omitting nothing.  
  
  
  
  
  
Me: "Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you've just gotten off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can - I'm surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK!"   
  
  
  
  
  
After my little tirade, I choose to return to my dorm without my friends. I really felt like being alone at the moment. I mean, I was just exceedingly rude to Potter. It's not he deserves anything better, but that's twice today that I stooped to his level. By saying what I did, I am no better than he is now. Guess I'll have to work on that one.  
  
  
  
As I walked away I heard him call out my name.  
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "Evans! Hey, EVANS! What is it with her?"  
  
  
  
  
  
What is it with me? I'll you what's "with me". What's with me is that I don't find Potter to be a very nice person. Sound stupid? Maybe, but that's my general opinion of him. When does he ever do things for other people besides his friends or himself? Never, that's when! He is mean, not to mention sneaky as all get out. (remember the whole dream thing?) I do not find James Potter to be a very endearing person. End of story.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Number 34:   
  
  
  
  
  
What am I going to do with him? Seriously, now, you would have thought that my delightful speech would have had some effect on Potter, but he doesn't seem to be taking any of my words to heart.   
  
  
  
  
  
Over the last week I have been avoiding Potter with a passion, but the more I try not to see him, the more I see him. It's like when you don't study for some test that should be stupidly simple and then you fail it. Maybe that was a bit of a weird comparison, but it makes sense to me...kind of.   
  
  
  
  
  
Earlier tonight, I was in the library, and this time I was actually trying to avoid to Potter. Well, as was completely expected, he found me. I tell you, it's quite hard to hide when you have red hair when there are ten other people maximum in the entire school with the particular shade. Normally, I don't mind having red hair; I'm pretty unique in that respect, but sometimes I wish that I had a more common color so that Potter would have a bit more trouble finding me in a crowd.   
  
  
  
  
  
Looking for Lily? Oh, sure. See that burst of red over there in that back corner. Yeah, that's her, the girl with that humongous book propped up in front of her face like she's hiding from someone.  
  
  
  
  
  
Thanks a lot. You gave away my position.   
  
  
  
  
  
Potter: "Hey, Evans. What's up?"  
  
  
  
Me: "Nothing."  
  
  
  
Potter: "What are you studying for?"  
  
  
  
Me: "Transfiguration."  
  
  
  
Potter: "Need help? I'm good at transfiguration, what do you need to know about?"  
  
  
  
Me: "I'm doing fine all by myself Potter. Please leave me alone."   
  
  
  
Potter: "No can do Evans. I'm on a mission."  
  
  
  
Me: "Really."   
  
  
  
Potter: "What are you studying?"  
  
  
  
Me: "Are you going to go away anytime soon?"  
  
  
  
Potter: "Nope!"   
  
  
  
Me: "Fine! I'm working on an essay about animage. Happy?"  
  
  
  
Potter: "Really? I can help you with that? What do you need?"  
  
  
  
Me: "I need for you to leave me alone so I can work."  
  
  
  
Potter: "Alright."   
  
  
  
I thought he was going to leave me alone when he reached over, stole the book I was reading out of my hands, and ran off through the library laughing like a maniac. I think that that curse Snape sent at his head did something to his brain.   
  
  
  
  
  
I chased after Potter and my book, but I couldn't find him anywhere. None of his friends or mine had seen him. So, I went back to the library to get my stuff, and while I was gone, somebody took my favorite quill!   
  
  
  
  
  
Just when I thought that things couldn't get worse, they did. I was walking down the corridor next to the Charms classroom when out of nowhere, Potter appears, takes my hand, and starts running down the length of the hallway at breakneck speed. At this point, I was beginning to seriously wonder if Potter hadn't fallen off his broom and done something to his already impaired brain.  
  
  
  
  
  
I tried to jerk my hand out his, but he held tight. When we reached the portrait hole, he finally let go and I took this opportunity to slap him. He just smiled at me and said what a nice dream this would make. Oh bugger, bugger, bugger.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
This doesn't have a number, but it's worth writing down:   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Summer holidays starts tomorrow and halleluiah I can't wait! An entire summer without Potter! Could life get any better? Of course, I can't pretend that he won't send me letters; I know he will, but I won't open them. I plan to send every single solitary letter that James Potter sends my way right back to him. Oh, I'm so happy I could sing, but for the sake of the other girls in my dorm, I'll hum instead.  
  
  
  
  
  
As they say in that one American song: "Let freedom ring!"   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Thank you to all of my wonderful reviewers!  
  
child-of-scorpio: I made Lily's mom join James's side because I thought it would be funny, a little cliché I know, but it worked for my story.   
  
Loves to Read: Yes, they will get together eventually! This is the end of fifth year, and they get together in seventh year so I have a little way to go yet.  
  
queenofdespair216: I love writing James's character! Like you said, he's a great combination of sweetheart and annoying.  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: I know what you mean! I want them to get together, but then my story would be over, so hang on a little while longer! :-)  
  
Unperfection: I agree, but for the purpose of my story, James needs to be horribly annoying. Oh well, he's on his way to getting over that.  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thank you! Please keep reading!  
  
Princess Pixie Ice: Thank you so much! I know what you meaning about "that knowing smile" I read stuff like that too!   
  
Brattychick1771: Thank you! I will keeping writing, it's lots of fun and since I want to be a writer someday, I need practice!  
  
Is there anyone British out there? If you are, could you tell me how long your summer breaks last? It would be really helpful for my next chapter. Thank you! 


	9. In the Good Old Summertime

Disclaimer: I own zip, zero, zilch. The wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. Neither do I own the title of this chapter since it's a song and a movie, but I thought it was rather fitting. Also, Sirius's letter was inspired by the bartender's speech to Rosalie in the movie "Win a Date with Tad Hamilton". Lily's owl is named for the elf Galadriel in the "Lord of the Rings".  
  
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Beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
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Chapter Nine: In the Good Old Summertime  
  
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Number 35:   
  
My friends are so incredibly against me it isn't even funny. They let Potter and his friends sit with us on the train back to London. Seriously, they know I can't stand Potter and yet they invite him to sit across from me so he can stare at me the entire ride.  
  
You know that feeling you get when someone's watching you? I felt that the whole way home. Even though Potter didn't stare at me quite that long, it sure felt like it. I'm paranoid, what can I say?  
  
He tried to start a conversation with me a couple of times, but I really wasn't in the mood. I'm still mad at him and myself. Mad at him for what he did to Snape, mad at myself for being such a bloody hypocrite.  
  
  
  
Potter: "So...Evans...."  
  
Evans: "Potter."  
  
Potter: "Do you have any big plans for the summer?"  
  
Evans: "Not really."  
  
Potter: "Me neither."  
  
Silence.   
  
Then lady with the food trolley came along.   
  
Potter: "Can I get you something off the food trolley?"  
  
Me: "No thanks Potter, I can pay for myself."  
  
Sirius: "Oh, Evans, don't rob the poor boy of his chivalry."  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
Sirius: "It's part of being a Gryffindor. 'Daring nerve and chivalry.' Elementary requirements for being a Gryffindor."  
  
Me: "That may be, but I can still pay for my own things by myself."  
  
Potter smiled at the food lady, insisted that he pay for me since I was his 'girlfriend', and she let him!   
  
His girlfriend?!   
  
I ignored him the rest of the ride for that. I held a book in front of my face and pretended to read it while listening to Remus and Emmeline debate the usefulness of Divination. Real exciting stuff. I almost fell asleep.  
  
Number 36:   
  
Parents, you love them, but oh, sometimes they make you angry.   
  
  
  
As usual, my parents met me at Kings Cross Station to take me home. Usually, my parents can be found talking with Hestia's parents; her mum is a Muggle too, so they have something in common. This time though, my parents were talking with a couple I had never seen before, though they looked familiar, like I'd seen someone who looked like them somewhere before.  
  
Then Potter came up to me and I realized that those people were Potter's parents. They had to be; he looked just like his father except for his mother's hazel eyes and glasses. The same messy hair, the same thin face, both tall and lanky.  
  
Potter came up beside me and he must have offered to take my trunk (I was in shock and didn't hear him) because the next thing I knew, Potter was prying my hands off the handle and walking towards our parents pulling my trunk and his behind him.  
  
  
  
Me: "Come back with that!"  
  
Potter: "I'm just being chivalrous!"   
  
Me: "Well, stop it!"  
  
Potter: "Can't. Sorry, but it's in my Gryffindor heart."  
  
Me: "You don't have a heart, give it back."  
  
Potter stopped and faced me at that. He leaned towards me like he was going to kiss me, but instead he said: "I do too have a heart. It tells me that you're the most wonderful girl alive and that I should do anything and everything humanly possible to make you mine."   
  
I didn't answer, I was too stunned to do anything but mutely follow him.  
  
After I greeted each of my parents with a hug, Potter introduced me to his parents.  
  
Potter: "Mum, Dad, this is Lily Evans, the smartest witch at Hogwarts. Lily, this is my mum, Agalaia, and my dad, Hericus."  
  
Me: "Um...hello. These are my parents, Kathleen and Mark Evans."  
  
Mrs. Potter: "Lily, it's such a pleasure to meet you. James has told us so much about you."  
  
Me: "Really." It wasn't a question.  
  
Mr. Potter: "James speaks most highly of you Miss Evans."  
  
This whole conversation was highly embarrassing.   
  
Mum: "Well, we have to be going, we have a bit of a drive, but it's been a pleasure talking with you."  
  
Mrs. Potter: "Yes, we'll have to get together sometime over the summer."  
  
I started coughing and couldn't breathe so my dad had to hit me on the back all the while giving me a stern glare.  
  
Mum: "That would be wonderful. We'll have to have you to over to our house for dinner. Lily has an owl; we can arrange a date that way. "  
  
Mrs. Potter: "I look forward to it."  
  
I caught Potter looking at me and sent a glare his way.  
  
Mum: "Well, Lily, say goodbye to James."  
  
Me: "Goodbye."   
  
It was a very forced goodbye, I can tell you.   
  
Potter: "Bye, Lily. I'm looking forward to coming to your house!"  
  
He would be, stupid, stupid wanker.   
  
As I'm writing this I just realized something. For the first time in his life, he called me Lily. Not Evans, Lily. What the heck is going on?  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
How has your summer been? Mine has been fine although I miss Hogwarts and my friends. You probably do, too.   
  
  
  
The reason I'm writing to you is to tell you that whatever James does or says this summer....well...take him a bit more seriously than you did last year. He's on some sort of crusade to become a better person for you. I'm not kidding, even though I almost wish I were. It will be good for him, yes, but rather difficult on the rest of us who are to be graced with his presence for the next two weeks.   
  
  
  
James has appointed me his tutor. I am to help him become more like me. I suppose that's a compliment...  
  
  
  
Anyway, I'll do what I can for the guy, and even though I know you've never put much store into what he says, please, for my sake if not his, hear him out. If you don't, I'll have to.  
  
Best wishes,  
  
Remus Lupin  
  
That has be to the single weirdest letter I have ever received. Potter is having Remus tutor him in being a nice person? Dear Merlin, what has the world come to?  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
  
  
I'll say what I have to say, and then I'll shut up and let you burn this or do whatever it is do your with old letters.  
  
  
  
Give the boy a bloody chance will you? Merlin, he's having Remus teach him how to be a nice person and how to go about properly courting a girl. If that doesn't prove to you that he really likes you, I don't know what would.   
  
Seriously, the rest of us are tired of hearing him moan and groan about unrequited love every night! If you haven't noticed, James is head-over-heels for you and has been ever since he saw you step off the train at the beginning of this year.   
  
I've known James for almost six years now, and I can read him like the back of my own hand. Each time he asks you out and gets turned down, I can tell. His eyes don't have that mischievous gleam; his voice is falsely cheerful. He just puts on a false front for the rest of the school, but really, he's heart-broken.   
  
His big problem is that he doesn't know how to act around you. Everything has always come easy to him so he's having trouble understanding why you're not falling at his feet. It's just the way things have been all his life. Actually, learning that life isn't handed to you on a silver platter has been good for him, but enough is enough.  
  
  
  
This is highly unlikely, but let's pretend for a moment shall we? One day, James decides that he can't take you rejecting him anymore. He loves you (I'm talking years down the road so don't freak out on me) but he knows you won't return his feelings, so he finds the girl he can love second best. What would you do? I'm probably right when I say that by now you're pretty used to him always being there, but what if he weren't? And you never got to know the real him?   
  
Seriously,  
  
Sirius Black  
  
Who would have thought that Sirius Black could be serious? Well, they say life is full of surprises.  
  
  
  
On a more serious note, these last two letters have given me a lot to think about and consider. Is Potter really going to try and change his personality just for me? I guess I should be flattered, but...five years of hating someone isn't easily undone.   
  
  
  
Under normal circumstances, I would have sent this letter back or burned it, but after Remus and Sirius's letters, I felt like I should read the letter Potter sent me.   
  
Dear Lily,  
  
How has your summer been so far? Mine has been alright. Remus is here at my house for a couple of weeks. His parents are on vacation, so he's staying with my parents and me.   
  
Listen...I'm really sorry about the whole lake incident...I didn't realize that it upset you so much. I'm going to make a conscious effort this year to work on that little quirk in my personality. I said at the train station that I'd do anything to get you to like me, and I meant it. If it means completely re-doing my whole personality, so be it.  
  
Just thought I'd let you know what to expect.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
James Potter  
  
Three people have told me what to expect, but I still don't think I really know what's coming my way. I mean, Potter is going to act different and, heaven help us all, be...nice?  
  
The inevitable has happened. My mum owled Mr. and Mrs. Potter about dinner at our house Friday night and they accepted. Potter, in my house, sitting on my furniture, eating from my dishes; I'm not sure I can handle this.   
  
It's strange; mum is going ballistic trying to get ready for a dinner that is a week away. She cleaned the house yesterday, and today sent me outside to weed and water the garden, which didn't even need to be watered since it rained yesterday afternoon.  
  
She's acting like we're having someone special over to the house.   
  
As you may have guessed, I'm not overly thrilled with the fact that Potter is coming to my house, but I'm just a little bit interested to meet the people that raised Potter. The poor people should be given a medal for bravery for having to deal with him, especially since he's an only child. They probably had him, saw the damage he could do without a sibling and decided that one kid was quite enough.   
  
Six Days Left:  
  
Today, mum forced me to help pick out what we're going to eat Friday night. It was a long and difficult process, I can assure you. We had to pick out just the right thing for the Potters.   
  
My mum was on about "non-magic food" and how it would be interesting for the Potters to eat Muggle food since they're a Wizarding family. Sadly, I had to burst her bubble and say that witches and wizards eat nearly all the same types of food; they're just prepared a little differently. No one I know of around here has self-stirring spoons and self-pouring pitchers.   
  
Five Days Left:   
  
Mum had to make sure that the recipes were correct and that the things she chose were good enough, we ate what we're having Friday for dinner: Lasagna.   
  
I like lasagna, really I do, but why did we spend an hour and half searching for the perfect lasagna recipe when mum had one in her recipe box? It's the same thing!   
  
Four Days Left:   
  
"Are the Potters allergic to anything? Maybe we should clean the house again, just be sure."  
  
I may scream if this madness doesn't stop. I would assume that if they were allergic to anything, they would take a potion for it. Honestly, one less dust mite under my dresser if not going to make any difference to their health. Especially since they're not even coming into my room.  
  
Must go, I'm being sent out to the garden again.  
  
Three days Left:   
  
My mum wants me to owl Potter and ask him how they're arriving. I think I'll address it to his mum; I don't want anyone thinking that I'm corresponding with him. Namely, Sirius Black.  
  
How's this:   
  
Dear Mrs. Potter,  
  
  
  
My mum was wondering how you and your family are going to be arriving. Please send your reply back with my owl, Galadriel, as soon as possible.  
  
  
  
Always, Lily Evans  
  
  
  
Two Days Left:   
  
I should just kill myself and not have to go through this. Mum has somehow convinced herself that I'm just pretending that I don't want Potter in this house. She seriously believes that I have feelings for him and just don't want to admit it.   
  
She couldn't be more wrong if she tried! Do my actions towards Potter really give off the impression that I like him? No! So where is she getting this?   
  
This morning I heard her tell my dad that they were possibly meeting their future family members. I was walking down the stairs at that point and nearly fell three feet to my death.   
  
Future family members! That is sick and wrong! That means she thinks that Potter and I will get....married.   
  
One Day Left:   
  
Today at breakfast, Dad got up and made a long speech to Petunia on how she is going to be civil to the Potters. She is not to do this, do that, say this, say that.   
  
She grudgingly agreed, but I have the sneaky feeling that she won't listen to dad and "accidentally" say something anyway. What does she have against magical people anyway? It's not like we're so different...okay we are, but she doesn't need to be rude about it.  
  
Mrs. Potter replied and said they will be arriving by floo powder at exactly six o'clock if that's fine with us. Great. Now I have to help clean the fireplace and put plastic covers on the furniture.   
  
I wonder what they'll wear...when we met them at the train station the Potters were wearing Wizarding robes. I hope they dress in the Wizarding style, just for Petunia.  
  
  
  
They did wear their Wizarding clothes! I smiled when I saw that and unfortunately Potter thought I was smiling at him and gave me a large toothy smile.  
  
The parents all greeted each other and then we went into the living room to chat until dinner was ready. The adults talked about the current state of Britain and my dad asked questions about the Wizarding world and Mr. Potter asked about how the telly works.   
  
My mother being the conniving person she is, suggested that I take Potter on a tour of the house. I guess she didn't see the pleading look I sent her way. Either that or she ignored it, which is very likely indeed.  
  
  
  
So, instead of listening to mindless chatter, I got to show Potter my house.   
  
Potter: "You look very pretty in that outfit."  
  
My mum made me wear a black skirt with a green top that apparently 'brings out my eyes.' I didn't particularly want to look 'pretty' for Potter, but she all but threatened me into wearing it.  
  
Me: "Oh, thank you...."   
  
Potter: "Of course, I imagine you'd look pretty in just about anything."  
  
Me: "I suppose Remus gave you that line."  
  
Potter: "No, he didn't. I'm just being honest.  
  
Me: "How do I know Remus didn't tell you exactly what to say? He's your tutor, is he not?"  
  
Potter: "Well, yeah, but..."  
  
Me: "But nothing! I don't want to hear it."  
  
Potter: "He just gives me advice and lets me know what I'm doing wrong..."  
  
Lily: "I don't want to talk about it."  
  
Potter: "Why not? I'm doing this for you!"  
  
Me: "Potter, I...forget it. This is my room."  
  
Potter then proceeded to explore my room. It was rather funny actually. He didn't know what a record player was, so I showed him.   
  
I picked up a random record not realizing that it was the Beatles song "I'll get you". Potter really enjoyed that song and wouldn't let me remove it until the song was over. He even sang along with the chorus, getting down on bended knee and singing to me.  
  
Potter: "I'll get you in the end, yes I will, I'll get the you in the end, oh yeah."  
  
Me: "Dream on, Potter."  
  
Potter: "That can be arranged, you know."   
  
Me: "Oh no, you wouldn't dare!"  
  
I am doing absolutely splendidly without having dreams about Potter, thank you very much.   
  
Potter: "Oh wouldn't I?"  
  
He would. I know he would. Isn't he supposed to be trying to be nice though? I guess a lifetime of bad habits is hard to break.   
  
Potter: "Do you have any other records of these people?"  
  
Me: "For your information, 'those people' are the Beatles. They're only the best band in Britain! And America! And the world!"  
  
Potter: "How come I've never heard of them then?"  
  
Me: "They're a Muggle band!"  
  
Potter: "Fair point. So, you have any other records?"  
  
Me: "Yes..."  
  
Potter then looked through my entire collection of records and listened to random ones. He especially liked "I want to hold your Hand by the Beatles. Then he listened to "I'll get you" again.   
  
This time he pulled me from my sitting position on the floor and danced with me.  
  
I don't mean swayed to the beat and held my hands, I mean he did a swing step! Where in the name of Merlin did he learn to dance?   
  
Potter: "Come on Lily! Right, left, step back, good! Now get ready, I'm going to spin you out!"  
  
Me: "You can dance?"  
  
Potter: "My parents made me learn. I never thought it would be useful, but I guess I was wrong."  
  
Then I noticed Petunia standing the doorway, arms folded. I felt my face grow red and I jerked out of Potter's grasp.  
  
Petunia: "You don't like him huh? Can't stand him?"  
  
Me: "I was...just..."  
  
Potter: "She was just being nice. She really does hate me. It's okay though, I'll get her in the end."  
  
I must have resembled a goldfish, because I couldn't for the life of me think of anything to say to that and stood there with my mouth gaping open.  
  
I was rescued when mum called up the stairs that dinner was ready and that we should wash our hands.   
  
  
  
Dinner went well. Mum wanted to know what took us so long upstairs so I had to explain the whole record thing, minus the part where Potter and I danced, to everyone at the table. Petunia started to speak up, but I swiftly kicked her in the shins and mouthed the word "magic". She shut up.   
  
The Potters enjoyed the lasagna very much, which made mum positively happy. We talked about school and other trivial things until after dinner when mum suggested that since it was still somewhat light out, we should go out in the garden for desert.  
  
Mum struck again when she had everyone else sit in the lawn chairs and left the two-person swing for me and Potter.  
  
  
  
Potter: "I've had a nice time."  
  
Me: "Oh."  
  
Potter: "I'm going to buy one of those reecod things."  
  
Me: "It's called a record player, Potter."  
  
Potter: "That's right. I knew it was something like that."  
  
Me: "Um..hum."  
  
Silence.  
  
Potter: "Why do you hate me?"  
  
Me: "I don't hate you...I just don't like you very much."  
  
Potter: "Why don't you like me very much?"  
  
Me: "Hasn't Remus filled you in on that?"  
  
Potter: "Yes, but I want to hear it form you."  
  
Me: "You bully people, and not just Snape either. Remember that girl you hexed to make moo?   
  
Potter: "Um...not really."  
  
Me: "It's little things like that that add up."  
  
Potter: "Will you ever go out with me?"  
  
Me: "No."  
  
Potter: "Yes, you will."  
  
I kind of blew up at that comment. He was doing so well at not being arrogant, but this just.... he can't presume to know what I will and will not do.  
  
Me: "What makes you think that you know me well enough to say that? You don't know me Potter! Not at all! You know nothing about me!"  
  
Potter: "Oh, you'd be surprised."  
  
Me: "Bugger off."  
  
Potter: "Alright."  
  
We sat for the rest of the evening in silence.   
  
They left at nine o'clock, but not before Mrs. Potter invited us over to their house for tea exactly one week from now. Oh bugger.  
  
We just got back from tea at the Potter's and their house is huge! It's not even a house; it's a manor! I kind of wondered how we were getting there, but it turns out that the Potters live in Godric's Hollow, which is only about an hour away from our own house.   
  
  
  
I was really surprised to find that Sirius now lives with the Potter's. Apparently he and his family have never gotten along (they support this Voldemort guy that's rising to power) and he ran away to the Potters. All I say can is, are they nuts? Two people like Potter under one roof is two people like Potter too many.  
  
This time it was Potter's turn to show me around his house. Considering the size of the place, it took us considerably longer. I must say though, he has a really neat house. It must be passed down form generation to generation because it's filled with pictures of wizards and witches and all sorts of antiques. They even have a suit of armor and a shield with the Potter crest.   
  
The walls of Potter's room were covered in Quidditch posters. Surprisingly, he has a lot of books, most of them on transfiguration, quidditch, and Hogwarts. I noticed a thick, leather bound book lying on Potter's desk and I wonder...does Potter keep a journal? I didn't give Potter the credit of keeping a journal; guys don't usually write in journals; they consider them girly.  
  
I noticed this visit that Potter paused before he said anything, like he was planning what to say. I asked Sirius about this and he said Potter didn't want to say anything he's regret like last time.   
  
  
  
It was really a quite uneventful visit except for the fact that either Sirius or Potter or both decided to put pepper imps in Petunia's tea so that her mouth started smoking.   
  
Mr. Potter took both boys out of the room and since we didn't hear any yelling I assume that he cast a silencing charm on the room. Mrs. Potter apologized and looked near tears but mum and dad assured her that it was all right; boys would be boys. Petunia remained silent.  
  
Mr. Potter, Sirius and Potter came back in, the boys looking rather pale. I smiled as Petunia sent a fearful glance Potter's way.   
  
It's funny how scared of me Petunia is. She thinks that just because I gave her a teacup that turned into frogspawn once, that everything I hand her is something magical and therefore not to be touched.  
  
Before we left, Potter pulled me into a corner and told me he's looking forward to seeing me on the train back to Hogwarts in a week. Then he gave me a kiss on the forehead and quick hug, which I did not return. Not to be rude, but because I was a little shocked. Remus must have told him that kissing me on the lips is a sure fire way to get on my bad side and make me dislike him even more.  
  
I can't believe that school starts in a week. How can it? It seems like summer just started! Here I was looking forward to a Potter-free holiday and what I got was a Potter-filled holiday. It doesn't get much more ironic than that.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
The name's I gave to James's parents:  
  
Hericus = Harry in Latin  
  
Agalaia = beauty or splendor in Greek; pronounced a-glie-a  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks to all my reviewers! I really appreciate you guys! You make my day!  
  
unperfection: I know! I'm a loser too. I spend nearly all my free time reading other fan fics about Lily and James!   
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thanks for always reviewing and encouraging me!  
  
child-of-scorpio: I really got the idea for this story from the incident in book five. I've always planned to put it in here. So really, I worked my story into the lake scene!  
  
Brattychick1771: Thank you! I'll try to update soon! Spring break for me is in a week so I'll have lots of time to write. Yea!  
  
Loves to Read: Oh! I didn't mean to make you think less of James! That really wasn't my intention. I hope that James was a little better in this chapter.  
  
Bluestar: Why, thanks! That is honestly one of the nicest things anyone has ever said in a review! I do try to stay as faithful to their characters as I can, but it's pretty hard. I'm glad you think I do a good job with it! Please keep reading! 


	10. Quidditch Fever

Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. I hope you've realized that by now.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Ten: Quidditch Fever   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm feeling rather lucky today! We went to get school supplies from Diagon Alley and I didn't see Potter once.   
  
I did run into Remus, but I've always gotten along with him. We had a nice chat at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor about school and the classes we're taking next year. Apparently he's going to continue taking Muggle Studies, as are Potter and Sirius. Remus says that it's an interesting class and that some of the things he learns could come in handy in the future. Whatever you say Remus...  
  
I didn't bother to ask why Potter and Black are taking the class. Potter is taking it in hopes that he'll be able to impress my parents with his knowledge of Muggle life and Sirius is taking it because Potter's taking it. Whether or not Peter's taking it, I have no idea and neither do I really care.  
  
Myself, I'm planning on dropping Divination since I'm not learning anything useful from that class anyway. I can find other ways to waste my time.  
  
Only three days until it's time to head back to Hogwarts! I'm so excited! I love it at Hogwarts. I've come to regard it as more of a home than my actual house. That sounds weird, but when you spend most of your year there with your friends, your dorm becomes your room and your friends become your family.   
  
  
  
It was completely expected, but Potter and crew came to sit with us on the train again. Potter must have had a list of conversation topics up his sleeve because he certainly kept the conversation moving.  
  
Potter: "So, Lily, your owls name is Galadriel? That's a pretty name. How did you come up with that?"  
  
Me: "It's the name of an Elf in the book the Lord of the Rings.... Wait a minute, how do you know that's my owl's name?  
  
Potter: "You mentioned it in that letter you sent mum about when we were to arrive."  
  
Me: "Oh, so you read other people's mail now do you?"  
  
Potter: "I asked first."  
  
Me: "Sure you did."  
  
Potter: "Sirius? Didn't I ask mum if I could read that letter?"  
  
Sirius: "Merlin yes! He begged for fifteen minutes on bended knee to see that letter."  
  
Me: "That's pathetic Potter."   
  
Potter: "I know. But I gained valuable information form it."  
  
His valuable information turned out to be the name of my owl. When I asked him how that was valuable he merely said that every little bit helps. Helps what?  
  
It would seem that Potter has been named quidditch captain of the Gryffindor team. I would have thought that Potter would have been bragging about his newfound position, but he wasn't. In fact, he didn't mention it once.  
  
It was actually Remus who brought up the subject of quidditch, which was slightly odd since he's a fan of the sport, but not nearly as much as Potter or Sirius.   
  
Even after Remus brought up the subject of quidditch, Potter didn't really talk about it much. He mentioned that he was happy to be captain and that it had been a goal of his, but past that he said very little about it.   
  
  
  
This time when the lady with the food cart came by, Potter simply purchased a few chocolate frogs and offered me one instead of buying for me. That gesture made me feel that Potter is really making an effort to be a decent bloke.  
  
Quidditch season is fast approaching and Potter can be seen carrying that stupid golden snitch that he liberated from the store cupboard last year. Why he has that thing I'll never know. Last time I checked Potter was a chaser, not a seeker. Although it would look rather stupid, it would make more sense if he carried a quaffle around.  
  
I asked him about the whole snitch thing and his response was that the position of seeker wasn't available when he tried out and besides that, he likes being a chaser just fine.  
  
Speaking of Potter, (it seems like that I do nothing but speak of Potter) he hasn't asked me out once yet this year. Not once! I haven't had any dreams about him either!   
  
Tonight I was in the library doing some research when Potter came up to my table and asked if he could sit down. He asked!   
  
We worked in silence for a while until Potter got bored (which isn't too difficult) and started talking to me. That conversation showed that while he is trying, he has still got a long ways to go before he gets rid of some of those quirks in his personality.   
  
Potter: "You going to the big match?"  
  
Me: "Gryffindor versus Slytherin?"  
  
Potter: "Of course!"  
  
Me: "Maybe."  
  
Potter: "Maybe? What do you mean maybe? It's only the biggest game of the season!"  
  
Me: "I said maybe."  
  
Potter: "Why maybe?"  
  
Me: "My schoolwork and getting good marks comes before being a spectator at a quidditch match, Potter."  
  
Potter: "School before quidditch! Lily, Lily, Lily. You just don't get it do you?"  
  
Me: "I think I get it just fine."  
  
Potter: (shaking his head) "No, you don't. Quidditch is something special. Not everyone can do it, you know? It takes talent, hard work and lots of determination."  
  
Me: "It takes those things to well in school too, you know."  
  
Potter: "Nothing can compare to the feeling that you get when you play quidditch. The wind in your hair, the cool breeze on your face, the sound of the crowd cheering you on, the feel of victory..."  
  
Me: "But what about those of us who don't play?"  
  
Potter: "Don't you get excited about a game? Don't you find yourself cheering for one team for no particular reason? Don't you feel your heart beat faster and faster as the seeker closes in on the snitch, feel disappointed when the chasers' goal attempts are blocked?"  
  
Me: " Not really..."  
  
Okay, I do get all excited and my heart beats faster but I wasn't going to admit that to Potter; this was an argument.  
  
Potter: "I feel sorry for you. You have no idea what you're missing."  
  
Me: "Somehow, I think I'll live."  
  
Potter: "So...Hogsmeade weekend coming up. I know Remus is really looking forward to it. There's a new book out that he wants to buy. Are you...planning on going?"  
  
Me: "Possibly."  
  
Potter: "Only if all your homework gets done I suppose."  
  
Me: "I don't need your attitude Potter."  
  
Potter: "I'd look at your own attitude a little more closely Evans before you talk about my attitude."  
  
Me: "Go away!"  
  
Potter: "If that's what you want."  
  
My attitude! Just who does he think he is? Oh, I forgot: he's James Potter, quidditch extraordinaire!   
  
Isn't it weird how even though I tell myself that he has no idea what he's talking about and that his words didn't hurt ...they did hurt? And I have no idea why.  
  
  
  
Today Potter came and apologized to me. He said that he was under a lot of stress what with all the homework teachers have been giving us and his quidditch duties. He also said that he was sorry and that he'll try not to be so pesky. Pesky? I don't recall him being so much pesky as downright annoying.   
  
At least he apologized without asking me out this time.   
  
It seems that no matter where I go, people are talking about the impending quidditch match and Potter.   
  
Since Slytherin and Gryffindor are enemies and rivals and it stands to reason that this would be a big game, but seriously, is there nothing else to talk about?  
  
Even my own friends have been caught up in the quidditch mania that has been sweeping the castle. Alice, Emmeline and Hestia have all taken to wearing a red and gold ribbon in their hair. They've been trying to get me to wear one too, but I won't. First off, I don't even care that much about the game anyway. Secondly, a red ribbon is going to clash horribly with my hair and provide some prat with an easy target for a joke.  
  
Lately, Potter's been a bit more subdued with his pranks, but he's gotten into the house spirit thing I guess. Oh, I can't prove it, but I know it was him.   
  
Yesterday, all of the house banners were gold and scarlet with the roaring Gryffindor lion on them. (There was actually a roaring sound filling the hall and making it very hard to hear the people next to you)  
  
This morning, Sirius and Potter gave a rousing speech on Gryffindor pride in the common room atop a rickety table that looked like it might collapse under their weight.  
  
The quidditch team has even taken to wearing their uniforms around school instead of their regular black uniforms. The Slytherin team fell victim to Potter and Sirius this morning when they charmed the Slytherins's robes to look like the Gryffindor uniforms. It was amusing sight when they realized what they were wearing, that's for sure.  
  
This morning I woke up early and decided to leave for breakfast before my friends. When I reached the common room, there was Potter at the same table he and Sirius gave their speech at, writing in the same book I saw at his house. He must really keep a journal! I never imagined Potter to be the journal keeping type, but really, a guy keeping a journal is pretty admirable once you think about it. How many guys do you know who are willing to write down their most inner-felt feelings on a piece of paper?  
  
Another weird thing happened today. I was paired with Sirius Black in Potions, which was an adventure in itself. We had an interesting conversation.  
  
Sirius: "Going to the match?"  
  
Me: "Probably."  
  
Sirius: "Should be good, James is in top form."  
  
Me: "Really."  
  
Sirius: "He only wants to impress you, you know."  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
Sirius: "Sure, James loves to play and wants to win, but he's got enough talent that he could play blindfolded and still do well. He only tries so bloody hard just in case you're watching."  
  
Me: "How is showing off supposed to make me like him?"  
  
Sirius: "He's not showing off...okay, maybe a little, but he wants you to see his good qualities."  
  
Me: "I'm sure Potter has more good qualities than just being a quidditch prodigy."  
  
Sirius: "Like what exactly?"  
  
Me: "Well, he seems to be a good friend to you and Remus and Peter. He's loyal, chivalrous, he can give a good speech, he's daring, a little reckless perhaps, but he's brave and..."  
  
And then I realized that I was complimenting Potter in front of his best friend. Smart, Lily. Real smart.   
  
Me: "...you're going to tell him I said all that aren't you?"  
  
Sirius: "Anything you say can and will be used against you."  
  
Me: "Life is so unfair."  
  
Sirius: "Yeah, it is. I know this bloke and he really fancies this one girl, but she won't even say his name. So, he pines away for her and writes her name on scrap pieces of parchment, hoping that someday, she'll like him back. He's really a great guy and they would look smashing together, but she won't even give him a chance. That's unfair."  
  
Me: "You make it sound like I hate him!"  
  
Sirius: (curiously) "Don't you?"  
  
Me: "I don't hate him...I just...don't like him very much."  
  
Sirius: "Hey, he's working on that!"  
  
Me: "Don't I know it."  
  
Hestia just noticed me writing in this journal; she looked suspicious. I'd better be more careful. I do have some protective charms on here, but spells can be broken.  
  
I admit it, this quidditch fever is slightly addicting. I'm feeling rather excited for the match. I even joined the house chant of "Go, Go Gryffindor" this morning. Who would have thought that the girl who chided Potter for caring so much about a sport would suddenly become a quidditch fan herself?  
  
Well, today is the day! I have decided, after giving it lots of thought, that I will go to the game. It'll make Sirius and my friends happy and it's supposed to be a good match.   
  
Once again, Potter gave a speech in the common room, but this one was more directed to the actual team.  
  
Potter: Remember that you are from Gryffindor! You are brave and fearless; you will not surrender! Slytherin is the enemy and we will defeat them! We've got the best team Hogwarts and Gryffindor has seen in a long time! We won't let their dirty ploys mess us up, we won't let them get to us because we are Gryffindors! And the rest of you, lets give those bloody Slytherins a show! Down to the Great hall, follow them team! Go, go Gryffindor!"  
  
And so with a chant of "Go, Go Gryffindor", practically the entire house marched down to the Great Hall in two columns, myself included. We must have been a sight coming from the tower, this thunderous racket coming from afar.  
  
I have to leave now, my friends are about to leave for the match and I don't want to be left behind.   
  
We won! We won! Go, Go Gryffindor!   
  
During that match, I found myself cheering for our house team as I have never cheered before. As of this moment, I'm very hoarse and Emmeline and Hestia are laughing at me because I'm a hypocrite.  
  
I suppose the Potter's speeches might have had some impact. I know just what he was talking about. I got excited when one of the chasers went to score and I felt outraged when the Slytherin fouled our team. I realized that when Frank went into his dive to catch the snitch, I started holding my breath, afraid that if I didn't, I would break the silence and ruin the moment.  
  
The Gryffindor crowd swarmed the pitch and Alice dragged me down with them, wanting to catch a glimpse of Frank.   
  
People were carrying the team on their shoulders and I noted with some satisfaction that Potter seemed to be enjoying all the attention. However, when he saw me look his way, he instructed the people carrying him to put him down on the spot. Back on the ground, he came over to me.  
  
Me: "Good game. You were great out there."  
  
Potter: "It was a team effort really."  
  
I couldn't help but smile when he said that. It was so unlike him in every respect and not a bit arrogant. He must have taken my smile the wrong way though.  
  
Potter: "Well it was! I'd have a hell of a time without my fellow chasers and Frank caught the snitch."  
  
Me: " I wasn't disagreeing with you."  
  
Potter: " But I - oh. You weren't?"  
  
Me: "No."  
  
It was his turn to smile.  
  
Must go, there's a victory party starting up, courtesy of Potter and his gang who have, by the description Alice just gave me, raided both Honeydukes and Three Broomsticks.  
  
Wow, I'm tired. But, I need to write this down before I forget.  
  
During the victory party, Alice and I were talking by the fire when Potter came up to us and asked to have a word with me.   
  
He's been much better lately, so I decided to oblige and followed him to an unoccupied corner of the room by the boys' staircase. Potter seemed somewhat awkward at first and finally he pulled something out of the pocket of his quidditch robes and held it out to me.   
  
Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was my shoe. The same shoe that I threw at Potter nearly a year ago at the last Gryffindor versus Slytherin match. He had magnified his voice and for everyone in the stadium to hear, asked me out. It was then, in a moment of anger, that I threw my shoe at him. I hadn't seen so much as a glimpse of that shoe until tonight when he gave it back.  
  
Potter: "I kept this last year when you threw it at me. Sorry."  
  
Me: "Where have you been keeping it? I had Remus search your trunk twice, but it wasn't there."  
  
Potter: "Oh...um...well...I kind of keptitinmypocket."  
  
Me: " Slower please?"  
  
Potter: "I kept it...in the pocket of my quidditch robes."  
  
In his pocket? All that I could think of at that moment was: What good was my shoe going to do him in his pocket?  
  
Me: " Why?"  
  
Potter: "Good luck."  
  
Me: "Did it work?"  
  
Potter: "Yes."  
  
So, for the past year, my left shoe has been Potter's good luck charm. Alrighty then.  
  
You know, I don't even have the right show anymore? I never expected to see it again, so I threw it out at the end of last year when I was packing. Funny how that worked out.  
  
This may sound stupid, but I let him keep the shoe. He was hesitant to take it, but I told him about not having the other one and that if it really was his good luck charm then I didn't want to take it away.  
  
Potter then gave me one of his famous smiles, the one that makes all the other girls go weak in the knees, and a kiss on the cheek before disappearing up the boys staircase. Presumably to put away his good luck charm that was my left shoe.  
  
Today was a Hogsmeade day and my friends struck again. I did have a nice conversation with Remus until he decided to wander off in search of that new Defense Against the Dark Arts book; something on werewolves I think.   
  
Emmeline was off with that Goldstein guy again and Alice got asked out by Frank. Hestia and Sirius disappeared, together or alone, I have no idea, but I would guess together even though Hestia doesn't like Sirius like that. I know for a fact that she likes Remus, but he, as I have managed to deduce, likes some Ravenclaw girl. As for Sirius, I have no idea since he flirts with nearly everyone female not including the professors. I have no idea where Peter was.  
  
So once again, Potter and I were left alone. It was surprising; we actually had a nice conversation and he didn't ruin it by asking me out. We talked about our favorite books, music, classes, homework, and a bunch of other random things that I'm sure were not so random to him.   
  
We ended up at Three Broomsticks again. Potter and I both went to get the drinks and something very surprising happened. Madam Rosmerta greeted James and asked if he's be paying for his girlfriend. I was about to protest when Potter said: "No, I'll be paying for my friend."  
  
At our table I questioned Potter about what he had said.  
  
Me: "um...Potter?"  
  
Potter: "Yes?"  
  
Me: "About what you said up at the bar..."  
  
Potter: "I want to be your friend Lily. If I can't have you as my girlfriend, I want you for a friend. That is, if you'll let me be your friend. Will you? Please?"  
  
I didn't even hesitate in my answer.   
  
Me: "I would like that."  
  
And I would. Potter has grown up a lot this year and he's a much better person for it. So, James Potter is my friend. Who would have thought?  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
I'm sorry for the delay; my beta reader went to Florida. Thanks to all my reviewers, both old and new! It's great to see the same people review again and again and it's just as great to see new people discover my story! You guys (or gals respectively) are awesome! :-)   
  
Oorjit: Thanks! I'll try.  
  
Loves to Read: Oh good! I was worried that you didn't like my story anymore or something like that. Glad to know you're still reading! When do they get together? I'm staying true to fifth book and they're going to start going out in seventh year. But, I'm not going to wait all seventh year for that, so somewhere at the beginning of seventh year. Maybe two or three chapters, it depends.  
  
child-of-scorpio: Wow, thanks. That was some really good feedback. It was really helpful! :-)  
  
Lily-Evans3001: It could be...I don't know. I got it from some web site I found. Maybe I'd better double-check that. Thanks for letting me know though!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: I know; I love James too!  
  
hilaryous: Thanks! I do try and keep as faithful to the books as I can.  
  
bluestar: No, Lily's not real happy with her mom at the moment. She'll thank her later though. Yes, she will give James a chance! I'm a huge Lily/James fan; I wouldn't not give them a chance!   
  
Dierks: I try to hurry! Since my beta was off in Florida and I was at home over Spring Break, I got started on Ch.11 and I have quite a bit done.  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: I wish I was at Hogwarts too...anyway, thanks! I know, writing 'annoying James' was fun, but writing 'sweet James' is fun too!  
  
DOJ: I'm glad you found it. I think it's kinda neat that I'm reading your story and you're reading mine. Thanks! I do try to be creative. :-) 


	11. Being His Friend

Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. Yup, sad isn't it?   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Eleven: Being His Friend  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Well, the Halloween Feast has come and gone with no big occurrences unless you count Peeves dumping water on everyone who entered the hall.   
  
Potter hasn't asked me out once all year. It's very refreshing, I must say. Even though he still has feelings for me (according to Sirius), it would be kind of awkward if he were to ask me out. Maybe since we're friends now he'll get over me.   
  
Really, being friends with Potter isn't too bad. When you're friends with Potter, you're also friends with Sirius, Remus and Peter and life is seldom boring when you have Potter and Sirius around to entertain you.   
  
Today, I was once again paired up with Sirius in Potions.  
  
Sirius: "James has been really happy ever since you said you'd be his friend. He was singing in the shower this morning."  
  
Me: "Do tell."  
  
Sirius: "It sounded bloody awful."  
  
Me: "I'm sure it wasn't that bad."  
  
Sirius: "Have you ever heard the song 'Oh, What a Beautiful Morning'?  
  
Me: "Yes..."  
  
Sirius: "Imagine that song being sung by a seagull that's being strangled."  
  
I burst out laughing at Sirius's comparison and ended up knocking over our cauldron. The contents of the cauldron spilled onto the floor and burned a hole in my shoe. Sad to say, poor Sirius got the full blow of my clumsiness and is currently in the hospital wing having some of his skin re-grown. I'm taking him a get well card and a box of chocolate.  
  
I've just been to the hospital wing to visit Sirius and Potter was there bringing Sirius a box full of stuff from Zonkos.   
  
We all got to talking and in the middle of our conversation Sirius fell asleep. But, for some reason, Potter and I just kept right on talking.   
  
Me: "I feel so bad about the whole potion thing."  
  
Potter: "Don't, Lily. We've gotten worse injuries."  
  
Me: "Worse than having your skin re-grown?"  
  
Potter: "Well, Sirius and I both broke our arms in five different places back in first year when we fell off our brooms...'  
  
Me: "You? You fell off your broom?"  
  
Potter: "Maybe 'fell' wasn't the right word. We were trying to jump from the stands onto our brooms. Needless to say we missed. I've had more quidditch injuries than I can count and then there was that time when Peter hit me in the head with his telescope in Astronomy. I spent five days in the hospital wing for that one."  
  
Me: "He hit you in the head with his telescope? How?"  
  
Potter: "I was walking in front of his telescope at the same time he moved it."  
  
Me: "Gosh Potter, you've spent a lot of time in the hospital wing."  
  
Potter: "Potter."  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
Potter: "He's Sirius, Remus is Remus and Peter is Peter, but I'm Potter. Why?"  
  
Me: "Well...I suppose it's because until this year we've never really gotten along. It's just become a habit."  
  
Potter: "Do you think you could start a new habit and call me James?"  
  
Me: "I think I could."  
  
Potter: "You think?"  
  
Me: "I know I could."  
  
Madam Pomfrey then bustled over to tell us that visiting hours were over and that we should return to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
Potter, I mean James, and I talked about McGonagall's class all the way back. I mentioned that I was having some trouble with a spell we just learned and he offered to help me with it. We're meeting tomorrow in the library at 7:30 so he can help me out a bit.  
  
Upon return to my dorm, I was bombarded with questions about where I'd been. Hestia was sure that I'd been snogging James in some broomstick closet and Emmeline thought that maybe James and I were on a late night stroll around the lake. Only Alice suggested that since I'd been carrying Sirius's get well gift when I left, that perhaps I'd been visiting Sirius. They then started arguing about where I'd been and what I'd been doing while I sat on my bed and watched.  
  
Hestia: "But she could have snogged James after she visited Sirius!"   
  
Alice: "If she was visiting Sirius, how did she run into James?"  
  
Emmeline: "James is Sirius's best friend, where else would he be but the hospital wing?"  
  
Alice: "I highly doubt that Lily would snog James. They may be friends but she doesn't feel that way about him."  
  
Hestia: "Oh, bollocks to that. Why did she agree to become friends?"  
  
Emmeline: "Because she likes him."  
  
Alice: "She does not. He's stopped being so arrogant; that's why they're friends now."  
  
Emmeline: "But he wants to be more than friends."  
  
Hestia: "So, what if on their way back from the hospital wing, he pulled her into a closet and kissed her?"  
  
Alice: "James isn't stupid! He wouldn't throw his chances with Lily away like that."  
  
Emmeline: "But what if she liked it? Remember the mistletoe last year? Why didn't she pull away right away?"  
  
Hestia: "Because she liked it."  
  
Me: "You guys, I'm sitting right here."  
  
Hestia: "So you are."  
  
Alice: "Go on, Lily. Tell them you were visiting Sirius."  
  
Me: "I was visiting Sirius."  
  
Emmeline: "And?"  
  
Me: "And I talked with James for a while."  
  
Hestia and Emmeline: "That's it?"  
  
Me: "That's it."  
  
Hestia looked slightly put out and went about getting ready for bed muttering about stubborn friends who didn't know when they liked a guy.   
  
Just as she was about to climb into bed, she had a revelation. "You called him James! You do like him! Ha!"  
  
Sadly, I had to rain on her parade and tell her about our conversation. She's still convinced I like him. Sorry, Hestia. No dice.   
  
I understand it! James is a transfiguration whiz; he makes it look so simple! He's good at explaining it, too. I was kind of worried that he'd think I was stupid or something like that since Transfiguration is not my strong suit; Charms is more my taste. But anyway, we started off with an easier spell and progressed to the one we learned a few days ago. By 8:30 I had it down perfectly! We talked for a while, but then Madam Pince said we were being too loud and kicked us out.   
  
Last year I would have been absolutely horrified at being kicked out the library, but now, with James, it didn't seem so bad. Maybe he's had more of an influence on me than I thought. Well, it doesn't seem to be hurting me any so I suppose that's alright then.  
  
Three days ago I had an encounter with Snape while I was walking to Transfiguration with James. I accidentally bumped into Snape and knocked a couple of his books to the floor. I was picking them up when he said that he didn't need me touching his stuff. And, he called me a Mudblood.   
  
James practically lunged for Snape and he probably would have torn Snape limb from limb with his bare hands if I hadn't placed myself between them.  
  
James: "Lily, move."  
  
Me: "No, James. I won't."  
  
James: "I'm not going to stand here while he insults my friend."  
  
Me: "And I'm not going to stand here while my friend degrades his self worth by stooping to the level of a Slytherin.  
  
James stared at me long and hard before backing away from Snape.   
  
Snape: "So, this is what has become of the high and mighty James Potter; taking orders from Mudbloods..."  
  
From behind us came a yell, a flash of light and then Snape was being thrown backwards by some unseen force. Sirius came running and brushed past us. Snape scrambled to his feet and hit Sirius with a hex that caused a huge gash to appear in Sirius's head and blood to go flying in every direction.   
  
I didn't even notice James leave my side, but the next thing I knew, he was running towards the fray sending curses at Snape and the other Slytherins who were coming to Snape's rescue.  
  
So, in the middle of the corridor was an all-out war between the Gryffindors and the Slytherins.   
  
  
  
I saw Nott (a Slytherin) aiming at James, so I sent a disarming charm his way. He was thrown backwards into the wall and his wand flew into the air where Peeves caught it and started waving it about and setting the tapestries on the wall on fire.  
  
After rescuing James, the Slytherins assumed that I was a part of the fight and started aiming at me too.  
  
I ducked a few spells and hit a few people with some of my own until Narcissa Black (yes, Sirius's cousin) hit me with the Furnunculus curse and boils sprouted up all over me. James then got Narcissa with "Densaugeo" and then...McGonagall appeared.  
  
Everyone stopped what he or she was doing and were silent. Even Peeves.   
  
  
  
We must have been a sight. Sirius was covered in blood and the front of his robes was torn open. James had somehow managed to acquire hot pink hair and a black eye along with a large gash across his shoulder, which was bleeding profusely. Remus's nose looked broken and Peter was unconscious. Heaven only knows what I looked like.  
  
When Professor McGonagall addressed us it was in a tone I hope I never hear her use again as long I live. Even thinking about it now makes me shiver. After a very good talking to, we were escorted to the hospital wing where we all spent the night while we healed. They put all the Gryffindors on one side of the room and all of the Slytherins on the other with a magical barrier down the center. Yesterday morning we all had a meeting with Professor Dumbledore.   
  
I now have detention every night for the next three weeks at seven o'clock sharp.  
  
James is on probation as Quidditch captain and Remus and I are on probation as Gryffindor prefects.   
  
I guess I never mentioned it, but I'm the female Gryffindor prefect and Remus Lupin is my male counterpart. Part of why James has always irked me is that he completely undermines my authority. He and Sirius somehow sneak out at night and do all sorts of things like that right under my nose but I can never catch them. Since they don't cause near as much trouble as they used to, it's not such a big deal anymore.   
  
Must be off to my detention now. James and I get to polish the trophies in the trophy room without using magic. Oh bugger.  
  
  
  
I just got back and I tell you, James Potter is full of surprises. After McGonagall left us to our cleaning, James pulled a mirror out of his pocket. I asked why he had a mirror and he told me to watch. He held the mirror up in front of his face and said Sirius's name into it. And Sirius answered.  
  
Apparently, it's a two-way mirror and they use them all the time when they're in separate detentions. How neat is that? I would love one of those!  
  
I asked him where he bought them and he said he didn't buy them. I assumed that they were a family heirloom or something, but James started laughing and said that he and Sirius had made them. He said that he and Sirius had bought the actual mirrors but had done the spell work themselves. I was impressed; that's really advanced magic.   
  
When I told James that, he shrugged it off with a grin saying that it was nothing and that he'd show me how to make one if I wanted. So for Christmas this year, my friends are getting four-way mirrors.   
  
  
  
Dear Lily,  
  
I hope this letter finds you well. Your father, sister and I miss you, but I know you're learning lots at Hogwarts and that you're happy.  
  
So, you're friends with James now? That's wonderful to hear, sweetheart. I knew you two could be friends if only you were willing to give him a chance. I suppose you're not open to the thought of dating him? I still think you two would be perfect together. Hericus and Agalaia are such nice people; I wouldn't mind be related to them.   
  
Speaking of James, how is he? Not getting into more mischief I hope? Christmas is coming up soon, have you decided on what you're going to give him yet?   
  
I'm sorry for the short letter, but your father and I are going out to dinner now.  
  
  
  
Love always,   
  
Mum  
  
When I received this at breakfast I was a little miffed. Mum asked after James more than she did me! She might as well have sent the bloody letter to him! I told Hestia that and she snatched the letter from me and gave it to James.   
  
James was fairly amused by it, but not so much as Sirius, who, upon reading it, spit his pumpkin juice out all over Peter.  
  
  
  
I finally got my pumpkin juice stained letter back and I made a mental note to reply to mum. My letter back says something along the lines of James is fine, he has been in trouble and I have no idea of what to give him. That should please her.  
  
  
  
Another quidditch game today, this time Ravenclaw against Hufflepuff. I was forced into sitting between Emmeline and James. Emmeline kept poking me in the side and giggling something about James, so, eventually I elbowed her rather hard and she quit.   
  
James and I watched the game while he once again explained the rules of quidditch to me. It really makes much more sense when you have someone who knows what they're talking about explain it to you. Having Emmeline say "Those people hit those black balls and those people toss that red ball and that guy over there in front of those hoops tries to stop the guys with the red ball and that guy catches this very small gold thing." is not very helpful.  
  
  
  
I noticed that I've been spending a lot of time with James lately. Unfortunately, my friends noticed to. Alice, usually the voice of reason, is even starting to believe that I like James in a more than platonic way. Oh bugger me.  
  
Despite all of that, I wish now that I'd become friends with James long before now. He's really not such a bad guy at all. He's funny and he can be pretty sweet when he wants to. He always offers to carry my books to class for me even though I won't let him and he always manages to make a bad day seem just a little brighter with his comedic antics.   
  
You know what? I like being his friend.   
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks everyone was the reviews! Please keep them coming they make me feel special. That sounds really dumb, but it's true! :-)   
  
iluvOrlandoB996: Thanks! I'm glad you like my story. :-) Honestly, I make James the kind of guy I want to date...hehe.   
  
bluestar: Your reviews are some of my favorite reviews! Yes, James is a little pathetic, but you're right, it is working! And it's going to keep on working! :-D  
  
child-of-scorpio: James just keeps surprising us, doesn't he? I'm sorry for the long wait. Like I said before, my beta went to Florida. She's actually a very speedy beta reader and a very good one; she just wasn't around. I hope this chapter came sooner. I'm glad to know that you're waiting for me to update though.   
  
DOJ: I love James so much! He was a fun character to make annoying, but he's also fun to write being sweet. Thanks, I was rather proud of that line!  
  
Loves to Read: I know! About time they became friends, huh? I'm glad you think it's funny; I try.   
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Yes, they're friends! Thanks for the review!  
  
molly's sister: Wow, you put a lot of thought into that question! I too, have thought this out, and here's my reasoning. Nearly Headless Nick's death day party was his 500th and he died in 1492. Add 500 to 1492 and you get 1992, the year in which the second book takes place. Take 1992, minus fifty and that would be the age that Hagrid was in his third year at Hogwarts: 1942. (Which makes him quite old if you think about it) And if Harry is twelve in 1992, then he was born in 1980. And so, I always see Lily and James going to school in the early seventies. Thanks for the review! I'd glad you took the time to bother! Please keep reading! Your sister does my editing so she can tell you when I update!  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: I like the "now" James, too. I'm so used to writing Potter instead of James that I have to correct myself! Thanks! I'm glad you thought it was funny! 


	12. The Double Act that is James Potter and ...

Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. I got the idea for the chapter title form Book 3 and the line "It's yours take, to keep or break." Is from the song "Be Careful, it's my Heart" from the movie Holiday Inn.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Twelve: The Double Act that is James Potter and Sirius Black.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanksgiving will soon be upon us and then Christmas shopping will begin in earnest. I know what to get Alice, Hestia and Emmeline, but what do you buy for a boy who fancies you, but also happens to be your friend?  
  
  
  
I want to give James something for Christmas. After all, he is my friend. But I don't want to give him something that will give him false hope of my feelings. Merlin, life is so confusing.   
  
I just noticed (I must be blind not to have), but I haven't used numbers in a long time. My whole purpose was to write down each time James asked me out, but now that he's stopped, I don't know if I should continue this journal. I've kind of grown accustomed to writing about him in here though... How about this: until I'm certain that James no longer cares for me, I'll write in this journal.   
  
Gryffindor has another quidditch match this weekend, but this time it's against Hufflepuff. There's not nearly as much excitement because they're a much easier team to beat and they haven't won a game since I can remember.  
  
Sirius has decided to make a giant poster of James to hang above the Gryffindor cheering section. Just what James needs; an ego boost. Actually, James doesn't know about the banner as it's supposed to be a surprise. We'll see how secret it stays. Sirius tells James everything and vice versa.   
  
  
  
As was expected, our Gryffindor quidditch team completely flattened the Hufflepuff team. The poor guys never stood a chance with James out there scoring like he'd never play quidditch again.  
  
I can tell that he loves to play. A lot of people expect him to go professional after Hogwarts, but he told me today on the way to Defense Against the Dark Arts that he wants to become an Auror. Apparently the Potter family is famous for fighting the dark Arts and James wants to stick with tradition.  
  
It sounds like a noble profession, albeit a dangerous one. He's going to cause everyone, including me, a lot of worry when he's off fighting the bad wizards and getting into close spots all the time.  
  
We continued our conversation after class at lunch where he told me why he wants to become an Auror.  
  
James: "Have you ever heard of Voldemort?"  
  
Me: "You mean the one people are calling you-know-who?"  
  
James: "Don't ever call him you-know-who, Lily. If you're scared of a silly name it's only going to increase your fear of him."  
  
Me: "Wow, James. That was pretty insightful."  
  
James: "Well, I can't take credit for it. Dumbledore told me the same thing once."  
  
Me: "You know Dumbledore personally?"  
  
James: "Oh, sure. My parents work with him a lot through their work and up until this year, I've practically lived in his office!"  
  
Isn't that the truth? This year though, he and Sirius have really tapered off the pranks and, much to my delight, they've stopped harassing Slytherins (or any other students for that matter) just for sport. I don't think they're completely given up hexing Snape, but as long I don't see it, I don't care. Snape has officially worn out his welcome with me after the fight in the corridor.  
  
James: "Why I really want to become an Auror is to protect those I care about... Voldemort is a big advocator of being pureblood, but I don't care about that."  
  
Me: Aren't you a pureblood?"  
  
James: "Yes, but I don't care. Look at you; you're just as good a witch as any pureblood witch or wizard in this school and you're from a Muggle family."  
  
Me: "I'm not that good of a witch."  
  
James: "Yes, you are! You're the number one candidate for Head Girl next year."  
  
Me: "Says who?"  
  
James: "Says Dumbledore."  
  
Me: "Really?"  
  
James: "Cross my heart and hope to die."  
  
Me: "Do you know who the candidate for Head Boy is?"  
  
James: "No."  
  
Me: "If Dumbledore told you the candidate for Head Girl, surely he told you the candidate for Head Boy as well."  
  
James: "Well...I asked specifically about you."  
  
Me: "Oh. Why?"  
  
James: "Curious."  
  
Me! A candidate for Head Girl! I can't believe it! It's what I've dreamed of ever since I came here. I'll be able to make import decisions and to be able to take points off those idiots in the hallway who think it's funny to hex the younger students who can't defend themselves.   
  
Number 35:   
  
I thought I was through with these numbers, but I guess not.  
  
As I mentioned before, the next Hogsmeade visit is coming up soon and today I received quite a shock.  
  
During detention tonight James and I were paired together and we had to write lines in the transfiguration classroom while Professor McGonagall graded our essays. "I will not cause disturbances in the corridors." I thought my hand was going to fall off.  
  
On our way back to Gryffindor Tower, James brought up the subject of Hogsmeade. I should have realized that something was up; he was acting rather nervous.   
  
James: "So...there's a Hogsmeade trip this Saturday."  
  
Me: "I know. I need to do some Christmas shopping. Alice is going with Frank, and Emmeline is going with Angus Vance so that makes getting presets for them easier."  
  
James: "You're going all by yourself? A pretty girl like you?"  
  
Me: "I'll be fine."  
  
James: "You could go with me..."  
  
Me: -pause- "Are you asking me to Hogsmeade?"  
  
James: "Yes."  
  
Me: "As a friend? Or something more?"  
  
James: "I was hoping as something more - but if..."  
  
Me: "I'm sorry, James. I just don't feel that way about you. Can you please just accept that and move on?"  
  
James: "Sorry, Lily, but I can't do that."  
  
Me: "Why not?"  
  
James: "I gave my heart away a long time ago. It's yours to take, to keep or break."  
  
Me: "I'm sorry it has to break, James. I really am."  
  
James: " It's not your fault. You can't help the way you feel. But I can still hope can't I? Maybe someday...you'll realize that I'm a guy worth liking and you'll say yes."  
  
Me: "I suppose you can hope...but I really don't know what good it will do."  
  
James: "Lily?"  
  
Me: "Hm?"  
  
James: "If I were to ask you out every now and then would you mind terribly?"  
  
Me: "I don't know, James..."  
  
James: "Just to make sure that you don't care about me and to keep me hoping that on some slight off chance you might? I promise it won't be like last year. No more pranks on you. Marauder's Promise."  
  
Me: "Could I stop you from asking me out?"   
  
James: "No."  
  
Me: "Then I think you have your answer."   
  
James: "You're a great sport, Lily. You know that don't you?"  
  
I feel bad turning him down, he looked quite sad, but I can't help how I feel. I don't want to go with him and give him false hope and false happiness. It's better this way.   
  
Today, Stephan Perks, a guy from Ravenclaw, asked me to go with him to Hogsmeade in Herbology. I was paired with him to repot a Wizarding form of Venus Flytraps. James was paired with Hestia right next to us. When Stephan asked me out, James dropped his pot, which shattered. The plant escaped and started to slither away. He tried to catch it, but it bit him before he could get it back into another pot.   
  
Poor James. Professor Sprout sent him to the hospital wing and he never got to hear me to tell Stephan that I'd promised to spend the day with Hestia and therefore couldn't go to Hogsmeade with him.   
  
I didn't actually promise anything to Hestia, but I had to think of something to tell him. I kind of wanted to say yes; he's a nice enough guy, but I didn't think that it would very nice to do that to James. I don't need to rub the fact that I don't return his feelings in his face. Friends don't do that to each other.  
  
He probably thinks I agreed to go with Stephan and he's probably up there in the hospital wing wallowing in self-pity. Maybe I should go and see him...I think I will.  
  
I just got back from the hospital wing. I feel so sorry for James; his hand is all swelled up and he has to spend the night in the hospital wing so his hand can mend.   
  
Even though James tried to pretend like he didn't care, it was obvious that he was glad I turned down Stephan.   
  
Well, James is back and ready to take on that wizarding Venus flytrap again. I told him that probably wasn't such a good idea. He asked would I be sorry if the plant ate him? Of course I would be. I'd loose a valuable friend that I cared for (in a friendship sort of way of course). That seemed to make him quite happy and he walked with a slight spring in his step on the way to Herbology.   
  
  
  
Something very strange happened just now. Tonight, I forgot my History of Magic book in the common room and I was on my way to get it when I heard voices in the common room. It was James and Sirius. I was about to go and tell them to be quiet, but what I heard made my heart and body stand still.  
  
James: "Padfoot, do you have any idea of what could have happened? Do you?"  
  
Sirius: "Look, Prongs...I'm sorry alright."  
  
James: "Sorry? Sorry doesn't cut it. You could have killed Snape!"  
  
Sirius: "But, he..."  
  
James: "I know what he did, and it wasn't right, but what you did wasn't right either. Did you even think about what the outcome could have been?"  
  
No answer.  
  
James: "Do you realize what you've done to Remus? Now Snape knows about Remus. If Dumbledore hadn't made him swear he wouldn't tell anyone he'd be blabbing it to the Slytherins and the whole bloody school right now! I thought you were his friend! ...I thought you were my friend."  
  
Sirius: "I am! James, I messed up and I know it! I know what I caused and don't you think I feel bad for it? I don't care about Snape, but Remus is my friend..."  
  
James: "You sure didn't act like it tonight."  
  
Sirius: "Prongs... ...what can I do to make up for it?"  
  
James: "Leave me alone."  
  
Sirius: "But..."  
  
James: "Go up to the dorm. I'll spend the rest of the night here."  
  
Sirius: "Are you..."  
  
James: "GO!"  
  
I have never, ever heard James speak like that to one of his friends before. Whatever Sirius did, it must have been bad because he and James are close friends. They're like brothers.  
  
I always knew that they were good friends, but in being their friend, I've seen just how close they actually are. James himself told me that he trusts Sirius beyond all his other friends. It doesn't mean that he doesn't trust Peter and Remus, it's just some sort of bond he has with Sirius. (He didn't tell me that last part; I deduced it)   
  
I finally ventured down the stairs and sat down beside James on the couch.   
  
James: "Lily! What are you doing here?"  
  
Me: "I forgot my history book and I was coming down to get it when..."  
  
James whipped around and grabbed my shoulders and practically shook me.  
  
James: "What did you hear?"  
  
Me: "Not much."  
  
James: "Lily, don't lie! This isn't the time or place."  
  
Me: "All of it."  
  
James was silent for a moment before making me promise to never repeat what I'd heard to another living soul as long as I lived. I promised. But, I can't help wondering what Remus's secret is.  
  
  
  
Remus is a fairly mysterious guy. He keeps to himself a lot, but that doesn't make him unfriendly. Having a weak immune system must run in his family because he's sick at least once a month or if he isn't someone else in his family is and he has to visit them.  
  
Wait a minute...I think I just figured something out. I think I know what's wrong with Remus, but I need to check a few facts first.   
  
Today after classes I was headed to the library when James came up behind me and gave me a hug. He scared the living daylights out of me!  
  
Me: "What did I ever do to you?"  
  
James: "You broke my heart. Just kidding, Lily. I just felt like giving my friend a hug. Where are you off to?"  
  
Me: "The library, there's something I need to look up."  
  
James: "For what class? I don't remember getting an assignment... When's it due?"  
  
Me: "It's not for class, it's for my own curiosity."  
  
James: "Oh, what are you looking up?"  
  
Me: "Werewolves."  
  
James: "Why?"  
  
Me: "Like I said, I'm curious."   
  
James started acting very odd then and did everything he could to keep me from looking up anything, but eventually he had to go to quidditch practice. Not that he was willing to leave me, his teammates actually had to remove him from my presence by force. Before they left, he yelled out for me to not tell anyone about what I would find and to come and see him after practice.   
  
What I found in my research confirmed what I suspected: Remus is a werewolf.   
  
Poor Remus, he really doesn't deserve that fate. He's one the nicest and most compassionate guys I've ever known.   
  
Like I promised, I went and found James coming in from quidditch practice.   
  
Me: "I know."  
  
James: "What are you going to do about it?"  
  
Me: "Do?"  
  
James: "Tell Hestia, Emmeline, and Alice?"  
  
Me: "Do you really think I would tell someone else's secret? Do you think that little of me?"  
  
James: "No! Lily.... I'm sorry if I sounded accusing. It's just that I've spent nearly my entire Hogwarts career trying to keep people from learning Remus's secret. People like Remus aren't very accepted in the wizarding world. He's my friend; I'm just trying to protect him.  
  
Me: "I'm his friend too, and believe me, James, I won't tell anyone. Remus's secret is safe with me."  
  
James: "Thanks, Lily."  
  
Lily: "What you're upset with Sirius about.... it has to do with Remus and his condition doesn't it? Sirius said something to Snape that made him figure it out."  
  
James: "More or less. We're all pretty miffed at Sirius right now."  
  
I honestly thought that Sirius was above that. What he did was horribly wrong. James was right; Snape could have been killed and then Remus would have guilt over it for the rest of his life. Did Sirius even think before he acted? It would seem not.  
  
Me: "Will you forgive him?"  
  
James: "Eventually, yes. Just not right now. I need time. Remus needs time. It's really his call."  
  
Me: "But shouldn't you be there for both of them?"  
  
James: "What do you mean?'  
  
Me: "While Remus needs you to vent to and to be able to trust right now, Sirius needs you to help him through his guilt. Sirius isn't a bad person, just a little reckless. Everybody deserves a second chance."  
  
James: "I think I'll talk to Dumbledore about it, but thanks Lily."  
  
I went to the common room and found Sirius sitting in a corner looking rather dejected. I sat by him for a while. Just sat there. I didn't say anything and neither did he, but somehow that was alright. He gave me a smile and a thanks and I felt good inside, knowing that I was there for my friend.  
  
They're back to their antics.   
  
Today after classes, Sirius apologized to James and James forgave him like I knew he would. He told me about his talk with the headmaster and apparently Dumbledore told James practically the same thing I did.   
  
Remus has yet to forgive Sirius, but if I know Remus, he'll forgive him. Remus believes in second chances.   
  
While James and Sirius were fighting, it was very dull in the common room and in classes. I never realized just how much they brightened up my day until they were gone.   
  
  
  
I don't know what James or Sirius would do without the other. If something happened to the other, for one of them, the world would end. They would be miserable and want to die just to be with the other, even in death. I've only been their friend for a fairly short amount of time, and already I can tell this. James Potter and Sirius Black truly are a double act.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Wow! I got 15 reviews for the last chapter! That's the most I've ever gotten for one chapter! I usually get that many for two chapters! I don't know what to say but thanks for all of your support! I really do appreciate it.   
  
DeoxyriboNucleic Acid: Don't worry! Lily's not going to confess to James that she likes him and then they die. I actually have the end planned out already. It won't go through all seventh year, and it is going to jump a few years after they start going out, but Lily is going to fill us in on what's been going o in her and James's lives. I think that people are going to like the end. I hope anyway.   
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: I do too! Last year my friends thought I liked this one guy and it was anything but true, but they wouldn't leave me alone about it! Thanks! I had fun writing the fight scene. Especially where Peter was unconscious. Can you tell that I don't like him very much? :-)  
  
Unknown VD: Um...okay. That won't be happening in this story, sorry. I've never really liked stories where that happened. I guess I just don't believe that Lily would like James for that reason. Thank you for the review though and please keep reading!  
  
Lily-Evans3001: Thanks! I love stories that make me feel like that! Glad to know mine makes you feel like that.   
  
Loves to Read: Thanks! I know what you mean! I'll be reading fan fiction, burst our laughing and my family gives me odd looks as though I'm not mentally stable of something.   
  
child-of-scorpio: I do that all the time! I pretend to need to look up something for homework and instead I'll read fan fiction. Thanks! I do try to be funny. I think I do better on paper, it gives me time to think of what to have the characters say or do.  
  
Beth: I'm not one of those authors at all. In fact, I glad you think it's sweet. I want people to think it's sweet. That's stupid that people get mad when you day that about their stories. If that's the impression that you get from their work, can you really help that? Penguins are my favorite animals too! It's always nice to meet a fellow penguin lover.   
  
Sweetheart1392: I check my favorite stories everyday too! I'm hopelessly addicted to fan fiction about Lily and James! Thanks for the review! I'm glad you think it's good!  
  
ramblin rambler: You really think I write them that well?? Wow. That is defiantly one good complement. What else can I say than thanks?   
  
Bluestar: I always look forward your reviews! You're so nice and tell me just what you liked about the latest chapter. Well, at the end of this chapter, it's late November. If you've noticed, I never use dates. That's actually on purpose, so I don't have to deal with what year it was when this happened and what-not. I've read all those web sites that say that Lily and James were married right out of school, but I'm sure, so I'm bothering with years. However, there will be a date used in the next chapter, but not a year. I know what you mean about not knowing which James to like most! It so fun writing the annoying side of him, but I want them to get together, and I do like him as nice a guy. I'll try to update quicker, but we're starting a speech unit in language arts and I have to write my own, so how knows how much time I'll have to write...that's sad. I would much rather work on this than some stupid speech that I'll probably fail anyway. Wow, that was a long repose, wasn't it? Well, you took the time to write me a review; I should take the time to write back answer questions and whatever else I have to say.   
  
Kalasin of Conte: Thanks! What kind of cookie is it?  
  
MaraudersAreMyGods: Thank you so much! I'm always glad to see new people discover my story. By the way, I like your user name.   
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Of course I'll continue! I've gotten this far, I'm not stopping now!   
  
Jax: Well, I'm glad you've found a journal style story you like! Thanks for the review! Please keep reading!  
  
DOJ: Sometimes I wonder where I came up with all these idea too! It took awhile, I can assure you. I have a notebook filled with ideas and random segments of chapters. I like they're friendship too. I never liked having to make Lily be mean to James, although I did like his being annoying. It was quite fun to write. 


	13. Christmas Time Again

Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.   
  
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beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Chapter Thirteen: Christmas Time Again  
  
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The Hogsmeade visit was today and I had to convince Hestia to spend the day with me since I told Stephan that I was. It would have looked bad if I had said that I couldn't go with him because I was spending the day with Hestia, and then I didn't.   
  
I got nearly all of my Christmas shopping done, which saves me from having to worry about it later. If you'll remember, I'm making all of my friends' four-way mirrors. I couldn't very well buy the mirrors with Hestia in tow, so we had to split up for a little bit.   
  
We met back up in Three Broomsticks and when I arrived, Hestia was already seated with Sirius, Remus, Peter and James. Sirius and James decided to entertain us all by singing their own versions of Christmas Carols. Sirius had a rather interesting rendition of "God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman". I believe it went something like this:  
  
"God rest ye merry hippogriffs,   
  
May nothing more you eat!   
  
For Kettleburn's three fingers   
  
Should be a tasty treat!"  
  
"Jingle Bells, Remus smells!"  
  
Remus: "Hey!"  
  
Speaking of Remus, he's finally forgiven Sirius, and everything is back to normal. Well, as normal as things get here at Hogwarts.   
  
It was a very nice Hogsmeade trip, one of the best. I had a thoroughly enjoyable time with all of my friends.  
  
I finally decided on what to give James for Christmas. I bought him a book entitled He Flew like a Madman: A Biography of the 'Dangerous' Dai Llewellyn by Kennilworthy Whisp. The title reminded me of James when he plays quidditch. I hope he likes it.  
  
Well, Hogwarts is ready for Christmas. Mistletoe can be found floating about catching unsuspecting couples. I hope I won't be subjected to that again this year. If I do get stuck underneath the mistletoe, I hope it's at least someone I know and am on good terms with. Wouldn't that be simply awful to have to kiss some random nobody who could be, for all you know, a Slytherin?   
  
I think James knows that I don't want to be kissed, but then again, it's hard to tell what goes on in that mind of his.   
  
I always dreamed that my first kiss would come from my true love. True love's first kiss; just like in the fairy tales. It would be a romantic moment complete with fireworks. What I got was James Potter.  
  
I guess he's a decent kisser, (like I would know) and it's not like he's repulsive or anything...he just wasn't exactly what I had in mind.  
  
Today, December 15th was James's birthday, which I was unaware of until Sirius decided to lead the Gryffindor common room in a chorus of "Happy Birthday".   
  
I feel so bad that I didn't get him anything! He didn't say a word about it and neither did anyone else. Apparently, everyone assumed I knew. Well, guess what? I didn't. He said it was fine that I didn't get him anything, and that my presence on his birthday was enough for him. I must say, that was rather sweet of him.   
  
  
  
Oh bugger me. Remember when I said that James was going to help me make those four way mirrors?  
  
Well, we were working on that today in the library. We decided the back would be best so that if one of my friends happened to come into the library, they wouldn't see their present. It took us the better part of an hour, but we got it done and they actually work!   
  
As we got up to leave, I noticed that I couldn't move away from James. I looked up and sure enough, there was a sprig of mistletoe suspended in the air above us.   
  
James sighed, pulled his wand out of his pocket and tried to dispose of the offending plant. Instead of getting rid of the mistletoe, the spell shot back at him and only his fast quidditch reflexes kept him from having his hair burned off.   
  
He yelled, "Fine!" at the mistletoe then he leaned down and gave me a kiss on the left cheek. But that didn't work either.  
  
James: "I guess I'll have to kiss you then...not that I mind, but I know you do...Sorry."  
  
He cupped my chin in his hands and pulled me close before kissing me softly on the mouth. I'm not really sure, but I think I might have ever so slightly kissed him back.  
  
James must use lip balm, because he has awfully soft lips for a guy. His hands are another story though; they're rough and callously from playing quidditch.   
  
It was awkward to kiss my friend, but I have to admit that...I kind of liked it. Now, this isn't to say I like him; I don't. I just like the way he kisses. Is that good or bad? I'll have to think on that one.   
  
James: "Sorry, Lily. I guess I got carried away."  
  
Me: "It's okay."  
  
James: "You're still on about that whole first kiss thing aren't you?"  
  
Me: "Maybe."  
  
James: "Is it so bad that I was your first kiss?"  
  
Me: "Well...I suppose I always figured that my first kiss would be something like true love's first kiss. My knight in shinning armor with a white stallion...and I thought it would be something special..."  
  
James: "It was special to me."  
  
Me: "I know it was, and that's all jolly good for you, but what about me? You took away my first kiss. I can never get that back."  
  
James: "I...I didn't know you felt that way about it. But, you know, I can't take it back, and even if I could, I wouldn't."  
  
Me: "Oh, and why's that?"  
  
James: "Because it was my first kiss too."   
  
I must have looked like a complete dork because my mouth dropped open and I started looking at him like he had suddenly grown an extra head. His first kiss came from me?   
  
Me: "Are you serious?"  
  
Sirius: "Of course he's not. I am!"  
  
James: "That joke is dead, Sirius. It's been dead since second year."  
  
Sirius: "Oh, but see, I rather enjoy telling that one, so we'll keep it."  
  
James: "Can you please leave? We were talking."  
  
Sirius: "Did you like my mistletoe?"  
  
James: (dreamily) "Yeah..."  
  
Me: "Your mistletoe? You put that thing there?"  
  
Sirius: "Just trying to help a pal out, Lily."  
  
Me: "Sirius, I know you mean well, but please keep your matchmaking schemes to yourself."  
  
James: (to Sirius) "I thought I told you to stay out of it! I'll do it on my own!"  
  
Me: "Do what?"  
  
Sirius: (to James) "But you need help!"  
  
James: "No, Padfoot, I don't. Trust me on this. I have to do it my way or it won't mean a thing in the end."   
  
Me: "What are you talking about?"  
  
Sirius: (to James) "Mate, if you keep going at the rate you're going, the end will never come. You don't have much time."  
  
Me: "Fine, don't answer me."  
  
James: (to Sirius) "You think I don't know that?"  
  
Sirius: "Then get busy."  
  
James: "I can't. I have to take it slow. I can't just kiss her and poof! She likes me. It doesn't work that way Sirius."  
  
I'm sad to say it was only then that I realized this whole conversation had been about James's attempts to win me over. Really though, I think that whole conversation shows how much James really has grown up this past year. He's so different from the person he was; it's amazing. Last year, I couldn't stand him and now he's a good friend. Strange how this world works, is it not?   
  
That journal or whatever it is driving me crazy! I saw James writing in it again tonight. I don't know why I'm compelled to know what it contains, but I need to know!  
  
I do realize that I sound extremely nosey, but it's not as though I'm going to steal it or anything like that.  
  
When I saw James with it tonight, I casually asked what it was and he told me it was a list of quidditch plays and strategies. Somehow though, I don't believe that he was telling me the truth. He avoided my eyes when he answered me. I found that suspicious.   
  
  
  
As I said before, mistletoe can be found floating about in mass numbers. Over the course of this week alone, James has run up to me the hallways four times and kissed me on the cheek. He says it's to keep "some pervy bloke" from kissing me. I think he just wants to kiss me.   
  
I guess his intensions are good. I'd prefer James kissing me on the cheek to some random guy I don't even know kissing me on the lips.  
  
I found myself wishing that when he kissed me on the cheek yesterday that he was kissing me on the mouth like the time in the library.   
  
I know what you're thinking. Lily likes James! About time! Sorry to burst your bubble, but I don't. I don't feel anything but friendship when I look at him and in fact, I think I have a tiny crush on another guy. I won't write his name down, but lets just say that I've mentioned him before.  
  
Professor McGonagall passed around the sign up sheet for those students wanting to stay at Hogwarts over Christmas Holiday and I put my name down. As James so wisely said on our way back from detention tonight: "I have the rest of my life to spend Christmas with my family, but I only get two more years at Hogwarts. I'd better make the best of them."   
  
And so I find myself surrounded by the people I care most for in the entire world for Christmas. I won't be with Mum or Dad, and certainly I love them both, but like James said, after Hogwarts, I'll get to spend every Christmas with them, but Hogwarts is only for two more years.  
  
Hestia just snuck up behind me and read my last couple of sentences aloud to the dormitory. She and Emmeline are now trying to decide what I write about in here.   
  
Emmeline: "So...she keeps a journal...interesting..."  
  
Hestia: "I bet she writes about how much she fancies James and wants to get caught with him under the mistletoe again."  
  
Emmeline: "Ooo. That would be good, but not overly probable. I would like it be true, but she's too stubborn."  
  
Hestia: "I don't know. What if her becoming friends with James has sparked some new feelings? And she doesn't want to say so, so she writes them down in that journal?"  
  
Emmeline: "That would be hilarious!"  
  
I like how my friends talk about me when I'm in the same room sitting across from them. Really, I do.   
  
  
  
Christmas is tomorrow and I'm worried that James won't like his gift. I voiced my concerns to Alice, who smiled knowingly before saying that James would like anything I gave him, even if it was a paper bag. She's got a point.  
  
My fears were for naught! James loved his new book and immediately began reading it. Sirius actually had to take it away from him so we could all go down to breakfast.   
  
For my present, James gave me several packets of seeds for what else, but lilies! There were seeds for Easter Lilies, Day Lilies, Lily-of-the-Valleys, and every other type of lily under the sun. It was very thoughtful and kind of sweet. I know what I'll be doing this summer, tending to my garden of lilies!  
  
We spent a quiet day in the common room talking, playing wizards chess and exploding snap. James was unlucky enough to have an entire deck of exploding snap cards blow up in his face and his eyebrows got rather singed.   
  
Later on, James and Sirius snuck off and returned with butterbeer and snacks. When we asked them were they got it all, they merely answered "Somewhere."   
  
We went ice-skating today on the lake. I was surprised to find out that James is quite a good skater. He won't win any awards, but he can keep his balance well (I guess that comes from quidditch), stop, start, and even skate backwards.   
  
Sirius, on the other hand, was a different story. The poor boy could barely stand up! He kept complaining about the skates, saying that they were too loose or too tight, but all that aside, he managed to have a good time anyway.   
  
Remus was the one who surprised me the most. For some reason, I didn't think he would be a good skater, but he was! He was exceptional.   
  
On our second lap around, I fell into a snow bank after tripping over my own feet. James, being the gentleman, came, took my hands and pulled me out. When I was back on my feet, he didn't let go of my hands. Instead, he held them tighter and began to spin around with me! We both ended up in the snow bank.   
  
After pulling me out yet again, he kept a hold on my right hand.   
  
James: "Can I hold your hand?"  
  
Me: "I don't know..."  
  
James: "Please? I've been really good lately haven't I?"  
  
Me: "True, but still..."  
  
James: "Come on. I know you can't resist my charms."  
  
Then he did something really weird: He slapped his hand over his mouth and closed his eyes.   
  
Me: "Are you alright?"  
  
James: "I said something arrogant."  
  
Me: "What does that - oh. Well, I forgive you this one time."  
  
James: "Were you concerned about me?"  
  
Me: "Er...I just hoped that you weren't going to be sick on me."  
  
James: "Oh."  
  
Me: "But... I'm glad you're feeling alright."  
  
James: "Really?"  
  
Me: "Yes."  
  
James: "I beg of you, fair maiden, take my hand. Like my heart, I offer it willingly."  
  
I didn't realize that the rest of our friends had come up behind me until Hestia called out, "Do it, Lily!" and then Sirius started chanting, "Take it! Take it!"  
  
I had almost no choice and it would have seemed rude not to in front of everyone, so I took his hand and we continued skating. We skated that way until we decided to go inside in favor of dinner.   
  
Well, it's a new year, a new beginning. Tonight, James showed me what was in the journal of his.   
  
It was like de javu. Since the beginning of fifth year, he's been keeping a list of ideas of ways to ask me out.   
  
The first sentence was: "This is not a journal. It is an idea notebook. And in this notebook, I, James Potter, am going to write down ideas on how to ask Lily Evans out and then record the results." How scary is that?  
  
His last entry stated that while he still cared for me, he was feeling like I'd never return his feelings and that he was sad about that.  
  
What could I say to that? So, I didn't say anything. I gave him a smile and a friendly hug. He held on very tight, like he never wanted to let me go.  
  
James: "Are you angry with me?'  
  
Me: "Why would I be angry?"  
  
James: "Because of my notebook. I figured you'd probably be mad about it, but I had to show it to you. I don't know why. I just felt like I had to show you."  
  
Me: "I'm not mad. How can I be mad at you when all you've done is be nice to me?"  
  
James: "I wasn't always that nice. All those pranks last year...some of them were pretty humiliating now that I think about it. I'm sorry about those. I thought it brilliant at the time. Guess I know better now, huh?"   
  
Me: "You've been nice lately, and I think that's what counts."  
  
I was about as far from mad as I could be. I found the whole thing highly amusing. I mean, he's been doing nearly the exact same thing as me, but it's from his perspective! Life is full is surprises; that's for sure.   
  
  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
91 reviews! Considering that my goal for the entire story was 100, I think I'm doing alright! As always, thanks to my wonderful, wonderful reviewers, you make my day and inspire me!  
  
child-of-scorpio: Thanks, I've always thought that James should have been there for both Sirius and Remus so this was my chance to make it happen. From what we know of James though, I think he would have been there for Sirius. I know, poor James. I feel bad for him too. But, we know what has to happen in the end though, and it's really not to terribly far away.  
  
dragon'n'blueye: Thanks for the review and don't worry, Lily won't go out with Stephan.   
  
Loves to Read: I know; I hate Snape with a passion. Thanks! I do try to stick as close as I possibly can with the little information that we're given.   
  
J.E.A.R.K.Potter: Thanks! I'll try to update sooner! I just haven't had much time to write because I've been writing a speech for language arts class. I will try though.  
  
DOJ: Yeah, I like things from Lily's point of view because then you know that she is making an effort when in other stories you can't tell and then out of the blue, she likes him. I think it's better this way.  
  
Biach: Thanks. I do try to be creative. This person I don't like told me other day that I had little imagination. I laughed at them. :-)  
  
Lily-Evans3001: I know; I like Lily being nice better. I didn't like having to make her be mean to James, but it was all part of the plot. Thanks for the review!  
  
FlamezBlaze1: I write like J.K Rowling? Oh, I wish. Thanks, though, for the vote of confidence.   
  
bluestar: You are seriously my favorite reviewer. You sound just like me when I review stories or tell other people about the stories I like. Time's going to move a bit faster now, so don't worry! And I'm not going to drag their going out way into seventh year or anything like that. Yeah, I hate it when Lily wakes up one morning and decides that she loves James. Yuck! It doesn't happen like that at all! Ah, Stephan. Don't worry, she's not going to go out with him and that bit in this chapter where she said she had a tiny crush on a guy, it isn't Stephan. (Hint Hint) No, Lily doesn't know about James and Snape. I hadn't really thought about that, but now that you mention it, I think she needs to know. I'll put it some future chapter, just for you! Thanks for the great review and keep reading!  
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: Thanks! I want them to get together too. Not too much longer, I promise.   
  
Sakura Moon: Oh, he'll get her in the end. It's just a matter of time!  
  
Sweetheart1392: Thanks! I know, lately, I've had a flood of ideas and I just had to write them down before I forgot! Please keep reading! 


	14. Scared

Disclaimer: The ever-wonderful J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.   
  
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beta by: ilovethedotgame  
  
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Chapter Fourteen: Scared  
  
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Tomorrow is when everyone who left for the Holiday will be back. We're all sorry to see break come to an end; it's been so much fun.   
  
I had an interesting conversation with James and Sirius tonight in the common room about everyone coming back and the good times we've had.  
  
Me: "I wish we could do this all the time."  
  
James: "Nah. If we could do this whenever we wanted, times like this wouldn't be as special. It's like Christmas lights. If they were up all year long, they wouldn't mean nearly as much at Christmas time."  
  
Sirius: "That was deep mate."  
  
James: (mock bow) "Thanks."  
  
Me: "You're right though...I've enjoyed spending Christmas with you guys."  
  
James: "Really?"  
  
Me: "Really. You guys are my friends."  
  
James: "I love hearing you say that."  
  
Sirius: "Of course, he would love hearing it even more it was girlfriend, but hey! Take what you can get. What?"  
  
James: "You're not helping."  
  
Sirius: "I know!"  
  
James: "Then shut up!"  
  
James was laughing as he said that but Sirius pretended to be offended and decided to leave for bed in a huff. Before he went up the stairs, he made an announcement saying that since he'd walked as far as the stairs, he might as well just go to bed and not to let the bed bugs bite.  
  
  
  
James and I talked about random things for a while longer until we both decided that it would be best to go to bed since it was getting rather late.  
  
When I got back to my room, Hestia and Emmeline were waiting for me! They stayed up to grill me about what happened in the common room between James and me. Nothing.  
  
It's not that they believed that, but one can always try.  
  
  
  
****  
  
Valentine's Day is quickly approaching and I'm not sure what to think of it this year. Last year I couldn't wait for it to be over and now I'm looking forward to it in a warped sort of way.   
  
I guess last year I still hated James with a vengeance, but he sorted out whatever he needed to sort out and finally became a better person. Thank Merlin.  
  
I'm a little apprehensive about what James is going to do for Valentine's Day. Last year he gave me flowers and stalked me at Hogsmeade. This year, Valentine's didn't fall on a Hogsmeade weekend, but I don't really mind. Everywhere we went, happy couples were snogging; it was slightly disturbing.  
  
Speaking of couples, I've noticed Alice and Frank Longbottom together a lot lately. I think she's pretty happy with him. Seeing them together makes me feel a bit lonely, like a part of me is missing. It makes me wonder if I'll ever have someone like that to be with. I know I'm only sixteen, but contrary to what I may seem, I am a bit of a romantic at heart.   
  
You would never know I was a romantic, would you? Not after lat year at least. But I don't think a romantic is based upon whether you have lots of boyfriends and are all mushy and stuff like that. I think it's more of a feeling inside about certain things, like love for instance.  
  
I truly believe that somewhere out there, there is someone meant for me, and only me and I will find him some day. Whether it's this year, next year, five years from now or more, I will find him, and he will find me.  
  
****  
  
I woke up this morning (Valentine's Day) to find a bouquet of roses intermixed with lilies-of-the-valley on my nightstand. Just like last year, but with two differences.  
  
The first difference was that the message on the inside of the card that came with the roses was different. This year's read:   
  
"In a sea of ordinary flowers, you are the brightest, And most beautiful, of them all."  
  
The second was that instead of disposing of the flowers like I did last year, this year I kept them. They're currently sitting on my nightstand in the same glass vase from last year. They smell so nice. I love lilies-of-the-valley. They're my favorite kind of flower, which everyone assumes anyway, but I love their scent and they're so tiny and perfectly white.  
  
Hestia practically had a field day when she noticed my flowers. She and Emmeline shared knowing smiles and Alice looked thoughtful, as though she wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation.  
  
James met me at the portrait hole and insisted in escorting me down to breakfast. I was hesitant to accept, since this is the most romantic day of the year and I didn't want him to take my saying 'yes' the wrong way. But when he added, "As friends?" I agreed.  
  
James: "So, did you get my flowers?"  
  
Me: "Your flowers? I was under the impression that they were for me."  
  
James: "Alright. Did you get the flowers that I sent you?"  
  
Me: "Yes, I did. Who's your partner in crime?"  
  
James: "Sirius?"  
  
Me: "No, the person who put the flowers on my nightstand."  
  
James: "Oh. That was Hestia."  
  
Me: "And all the other times I found things in my room?"  
  
James: "That was Hestia."   
  
I knew it! I had a feeling that she's been the one who's been putting stuff in our dorm for him, like the flowers last year, and the birthday cards. Thank Merlin boys can't get up the stairs to the girls dormitories. I would hate to have seen what James would have down to me last year if he would have been able to leave that stuff there himself and be in charge of the spells.  
  
I wonder who placed the spells on me to make me dream about him?   
  
****  
  
Number 36:   
  
  
  
Today between Transfiguration and Defense Against the Dark Arts, James caught up to Alice and me in the hallway and asked to have a word with me.  
  
James then stopped in the middle of the busy hallway, set his books down and took my hands in his.  
  
James: "Lily Evans, I know you're going to say no, but being a Gryffindor, I can't do this halfway. Will you please you out with me? It would mean a lot. We've been through so much this year and it's only convinced me further that there is no other girl for me."  
  
So there I was, stuck in the middle of a hallway with what seemed like the entire school staring at me. People actually stopped just to watch and to hear my response.   
  
The only thought running through my mind was: "Has he completely lost it?" My friend, James Potter, all but said he loved me. He didn't have to say it. It was implied! "No other girl for me?" Everybody watching understood perfectly.   
  
Behind James, Hestia was mouthing, "Yes!" while Alice was watching with an amused expression, her fingers intertwined with Frank's.   
  
I didn't know what to say, so I didn't say anything. I yanked back my hands and practically ran for the classroom. A disappointed groan filled the corridor, but I hardly noticed. James's voice rang out behind me, calling my name, but I didn't stop. I couldn't stop. All I knew was that I had to get out of there.   
  
Doesn't he realize that I'm not a showy person? I don't care about a fanfare and glamour. If it comes from the heart, that's the most important thing. I have no doubt that what he said was from his heart and that he meant every word, but why did he have to say it there, in front of all those people?   
  
I had already taken my seat when James came skidding into the classroom, Sirius and Remus behind him. James was about to come over to me, but they held him back gently and said something to him that made him sit down.   
  
Alice, Hestia and Emmeline weren't far behind them and immediately came and sat by me.   
  
Alice: "Lily...are you okay?"  
  
Me: "No, I'm not okay! James practically told the whole school he loved me! Would you be okay?"  
  
Alice: "No, probably not, but this is James, Lily. The boy honestly doesn't understand the complex workings of a girl's mind. He doesn't realize that you don't care how you're asked out as long as it's sincere."  
  
Hestia: "Lily, I'm sorry for back there. I didn't realize us taking the mickey out of you about James hurt you."  
  
Emmeline: "Me too. Forgive us?"  
  
I forgave them. They only had my best intentions at heart, and I can't really blame them for wanting my happiness. I guess they just got so wrapped up in trying to get me to date James that they didn't realize they were hurting me in trying to bring me happiness.   
  
****  
  
Alice and I had a nice, long conversation tonight about what happened today.  
  
I've never really considered one of my friends to be my "best friend" but after all that's happened today, I think that Alice and I are closest. She's such a caring person, and she's been my support all through this entire ordeal with James from the start.  
  
Me: "What do I do, Alice? He practically said he loved me!"  
  
Alice: "You don't do anything."  
  
Me: "But you heard him! For Merlin's sake! We're only sixteen. We don't know what love is."  
  
Alice: "Maybe James does."  
  
Me: "He can't."  
  
Alice: "This sounds horribly cliché, Lily, but I think even if doesn't love you now, he will."  
  
Me: "How do you know?"  
  
Alice: "I can see it in his eyes. When he looks at you, when he talks to you, when he's near you."  
  
Me: "You're just saying that."   
  
Alice: "No, I'm not. I sincerely believe that he cares about in a way that nobody else does. I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable or obligated in any way...I'm just...calling it as I see it."  
  
Me: "Everything is so messed up."  
  
Alice: "There has to be more bothering you than what James said. You can tell me Lily."  
  
Me: "I'm so confused."  
  
Alice: "About what?"  
  
Me: "Everything! Life, me...James."  
  
Alice: "About what he said? Or him?"  
  
Me: "Both."  
  
Alice: "Lily...do you...like him?"  
  
Me: "I don't know!"  
  
Alice: "You don't know?"  
  
Me: "I used to know the answer to that question, and now I don't. I honestly don't know anymore."  
  
Alice: "Alright."  
  
Me: "You can't breath a word of this to anyone."  
  
Alice: "I promise."  
  
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. I used to know where I stood with James and where he stood with me, but somehow, all that has changed. While I wasn't looking, something happened, and now I see him a slightly different light.   
  
The truth is, Journal, that I'm scared. Scared that I might have feelings for James.  
  
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*  
  
Thanks to all of my wonderful reviewers! I hope you liked this chapter! It's a real turning point in the story.   
  
child-of-scorpio: I know! Their being friend is wonderful! Ah, James's notebook. It was rather sweet if I do so say myself. Of course Sirius is concerned about James's nonexistent love life! Sirius's happiness is linked to James's happiness and besides that, Sirius only wants the best for his best friend. I agree; the Sirius joke will never get old.   
  
MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus: I will! Thanks!  
  
WishIwasAtHogwarts: I am so incredibly sorry! I really didn't mean to leave you out! I checked my email after I had updated. Yes, the story is nearing the end. It's my guess that in the end there will be eighteen chapters so four more! :-(  
  
J.E.A.R.K.Potter: Thanks! I loved writing the part about James's journal.   
  
DOJ: Yeah, I always thought it would be sweet if Lily and James were each other's first kiss, so I added it to the story. Thanks for the review!   
  
Bluestar: The guy Lily was talking about will be revealed in chapter sixteen, although you might be able to guess who it is. You know, I was thinking the same thing about James's journal. I think I would call it, "This is Not a Journal". I think it would be interesting to write things from his perspective and maybe I could add a few things. After all, there could be some things that he would write down that Lily wouldn't. What is wrong with Lily? I don't know...but you'll come to realize in future chapters that it's one little word: Denial.   
  
cris-phoenix: You know, I just might write that. You're the second person to suggest it, so maybe if enough people say they would like the idea, I'll do it. Thanks! Glad you like it!  
  
iluvOrlandoB996: I know, I want a guy like James too. I kind of write his character how I would like a guy to be. Too bad someone like James doesn't exist.   
  
LilyFlower: I'm glad this makes you smile. Sometimes I like a story that pulls at the heartstrings, but for the most part, I think I a story that makes you smile and laugh is best.   
  
Lily: Thanks. I know that people do stories with Lily keeping a journal, so I decided to add a bit of a twist to it. Lily isn't going to confess that she loves James when they start to go out. She's going to tell him she likes him, but at that point in time, she doesn't love him yet. That will come with time.  
  
Loves to Read: Oh, yes, the mistletoe. I absolutely loved writing that scene. Fluff is good! :-)   
  
Stick'ums: Thanks! I'm glad you've found my story! 


	15. Thinking About Him

Disclaimer: Alas, J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.

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beta by: ilovethedotgame

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Chapter Fifteen: Thinking About Him

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> James apologized to me today. He explained that he had been rash and that he was sorry. But while he was sorry, the things he said still hold true.   
  
I forgave him, but I said I wouldn't go out with him. I need time to sort out my feelings and to decide just what James Potter means to me.  
  
Today in History of Magic, I was bored and let my mind wander. It's not like I was the only one not listening, I would be surprised if ten people were paying attention.  
  
But anyway, I let my mind wander to James. Bad move. Very bad move. Because, when I started thinking about him, I started staring at the back of his head. I was thinking about how I felt about him when Sirius waved a hand in front of my face.
> 
> Sirius: "You were staring at James."  
  
Me: "No, I wasn't."
> 
> I was just admiring that way his hair looks windblown when he's indoors and how broad his shoulders are.
> 
> Sirius: "You were too! I saw you!"  
  
Me: "You didn't see anything."  
  
Sirius: "Yes, I did."
> 
> I decided to give him a hint and repeated what I had previously said in a low, menacing tone.   
  
He got the hint.  
  
I was so distracted by the fact that Sirius caught me staring at James, that I started thinking about James in Transfiguration. And once again, I started staring at him. What the heck? It's like a chain reaction!  
  
Sad to say, it was not Sirius who caught me this time, but Professor McGonagall. I had my chin propped up in my left hand while I concentrated on the back of James's head.
> 
> McGonagall: "Miss Evans? Can you repeat what I just said please?"  
  
Me: "Um..."  
  
McGonagall: "I thought so. Please pay attention Miss Evans. And stop staring at Mr. Potter."
> 
> James turned around and grinned at me, as did nearly half the class. My face was practically on fire I was blushing so badly. Sirius gave me a thumbs up and Alice offered a reassuring smile while Hestia and Emmeline stared at me with their mouths open like codfish.   
  
I spent the rest of my day firmly concentrated on my studies and I only thought of James a few times.   
  
He's so good to me. At lunch he acted like nothing had happened and he has yet to bring up the subject in conversation. Bless him.
> 
> I dreamed about him last night.   
  
I was sitting in Transfiguration staring at, who else, James. It was just like in class yesterday, but when James turned around, he wasn't smiling. He was glaring at me with every sign of great dislike and it hurt me to see him regard me in that manner.  
  
After class was over I ran up to him and began walking beside him as we made our way to the next class. He frowned at me and asked why I was walking with him. When I pointed out that I was his friend, he laughed at me. It wasn't his usual laugh, but cold, cruel laugh that I didn't know he was capable of. "What makes you think that you and I are friends? You're nothing me to Evans! Nothing!"  
  
I stood in the hallway long after he had left my side and everyone had emptied the corridor. I sank to the floor in tears and the next thing I knew, I was in my own bed again, silent tears streaming down my face.  
  
It was morning and everyone else was getting ready for the day. I got ready in record time and flew down the stairs to find James at the bottom waiting for me.  
  
When he spotted me, he gave me a huge hug, lifting me off the floor and squeezing me so hard I though he was going to break my ribs. He set me down when I told him that he was hurting me, but didn't stop hugging me. He kept me close to him and nestled his face in my hair.
> 
> Me: "James! What was that for?"   
  
James: "I had a bad dream about us."  
  
Me: "Me too."  
  
James: "Really? Mine was in transfiguration, just like yesterday, but I was mean to you. So mean, I couldn't believe myself. I'm sorry."  
  
Me: "I had that same dream! You don't think..."  
  
James: "Sirius. It's gotta be. No one else knows the dream spell."  
  
Me: " -pause- I'm sorry too."  
  
James: "What do you have to be sorry for? You haven't done anything wrong."  
  
Me: "The way you treated me in the dream...that's the way I used to treat you. Like you were a piece of dirt. Can you ever forgive me?"  
  
James: "I already have."  
  
Me: "You're too nice to me. I really don't deserve it."  
  
James: "Anything for my girl."  
  
Normally, I would have told him not to call me his girl, but for some reason, I didn't want to stop him from calling me that.  
  
I felt so much better after my talk with James. That dream really scared me. I've grown so accustomed to his friendship; I don't know what I'd do without it now.
> 
> This is stupid! I cannot and will not like James. He's my friend. It's against all the rules of...everything! I won't like him. Nope. Sorry.  
  
It's a silly infatuation and I'll get over it. Easter Break is in a week and I've decided to go home and forget about James. Well, he's my friend so I can't totally forget about him, but I can certainly forget about these confusing feelings that have suddenly appeared.   
  
James is staying at Hogwarts for Easter. Good. That way, my mum can't invite him for tea or something like that.  
  
He claims that he's very sad that I'm leaving and I'm sure he is, but I'm glad to be going. I need this break to decide just what it is I feel for my friend.   
  
Home sweet home. There's nothing like it in the world. But, really, this isn't home. Hogwarts is home. And, I miss it along with all the people there. James included. 
> 
> Today, I did all the homework the teachers assigned us over break. Well, I tried to at least. I kept thinking about other things.   
  
When I was doing my Transfiguration, I thought of how it's James's favorite subject and how he helped me with those four way mirrors. Of course, the mirrors reminded me of when we were in the library and got caught under the mistletoe. And then, I started thinking about the kiss.   
  
I mentally and physically kicked myself for thinking about James and decided to work on my Charms essay instead.
> 
> I swear, everywhere I go, something reminds me of him! I walked into the kitchen this afternoon to find Mrs. Potter having tea with my mum.   
  
It would appear that they've been having tea with each other once a week for quite a while now. Before I know it, they'll be planning our wedding.   
  
They were actually talking about James and me! I heard something about us looking so cute together and being a good match. What the heck? They sound like a couple of matchmakers. Wait...what am I talking about? They are.  
  
Today was Easter Sunday and an owl arrived from James carrying several Easter Eggs. They were filled with candy and they held a couple of notes, but they weren't the same kind of notes as last year. One read, "Miss you." And another read, "Can't wait to see you again."   
  
Yuck, I just ate an extremely nasty flavored Bertie Botts Every Flavor Bean. If boogers have a flavor, that would be it. Oops. I forgot. These are magical candies, it probably is booger flavored. I should feed one to James for sending me these things.   
  
Plan for today: Not to think of James once. 
> 
> I thought of him twice.
> 
> Once because Mrs. Potter came to tea and once because I was doing my Transfiguration. I think that the more I try not to think of him, the more I think of him. So, maybe I'll try some reverse logic and try to think of him, and then I won't.  
  
Well, that attempt at reverse logical failed miserably. Instead of thinking about him less, I though of him even more. Bugger. Alright, tomorrow, I'll not try to think of him, but I won't try not to either.  
  
I'm not sure if today was a success or not. I did think about James a little, but not as much as I did yesterday. That reminds me, I got a letter from him today. Arrow flew in through my open window and dropped it on my head. The bird seemed to think that it was quite funny and began hooting happily and started flying around in circles close to the ceiling where I couldn't reach him. Bloody bird.   
  
I finally coaxed him down from the ceiling with an owl treat and made him sit on Galadriel's perch while I read James's letter and responded to it.
> 
> Dear Lily,  
  
I miss you.   
  
And so does Sirius. And Remus. And Peter. I'm sure your other friends miss you, but seeing as they also went home for break, I can't ask them. But I miss you most of all. The guys are great friends, but you're something special.   
  
Our next quidditch match is on the Saturday after you get back. Please come and see us play. You're good luck. Speaking of which, I still have your shoe.   
  
Well, must go. The guys want to pull some sort of prank. Nothing involving Slytherins or innocent bystanders, I promise. It's...just a little something in the common room.   
  
Yours always,  
  
James Potter
> 
> Dear James,  
  
I miss all of you guys, too. Tell everyone I say "hello" and that I'll see them soon.  
  
Life is kind of boring without you and Sirius blowing something up or pulling some sort of prank. Speaking of pranks, just what is this prank you're going to pull? No one had better be hurt in the process, including yourself and Sirius.   
  
Of course I'll come to your game. You thought I would pass up an opportunity to watch you play? Don't let that statement go to your head, now.  
  
Petunia is a nightmare. She avoids me like the plague and only stays in the same room with me if mum or dad forces her to. She has a new boyfriend named Vernon. What kind of a name is that? It sounds old and stuffy and boring. Don't you think so?  
  
I have to go now; I have to work in my garden. I'm planting some of the lilies you gave me.  
  
Always,  
  
Lily Evans
> 
> I arrived back at Hogwarts today to be greeted by James flinging himself at me and knocking both of us to the ground. It's a good thing we landed on the grass because the cement would have hurt.   
  
As it was, he landed on top of me and accidentally knocked his head against my forehead, which really hurt.  
  
He helped me up and kissed my forehead to "make it better". My forehead is tingling where his lips touched my skin. Why did he have to do that? It just confuses me more.   
  
I'm...lost...confused...puzzled...perplexed...baffled...mystified...bewildered...bemused...befuddled...and.... confused. Oh, so very confused.
> 
> Sometimes, I think I like James, other times I don't know and the rest of the time I think I don't like him. When did life get so difficult to figure out? It used to be so easy. It was yes or no, there didn't used to be a maybe or an unsure. But, now there is. And I don't know what to do about it.
> 
> * * *
> 
> READ THIS! Hey everyone! After this story is over, (teardrop) I'm thinking about writing a counterpart story to this one. I would call it, "This is Not a Journal" and it would be James's journal instead of Lily's. Would anyone want to read that or would it be...not a good idea? Please, please, let me know! I want honest opinions!
> 
> * * *
> 
> **child-of-scorpio:** No, James didn't think Lily would say 'yes', he just thought he'd give it a shot. Well, it was a learning experience. Of course he'll try again! This is James we're talking about!   
  
**bluestar:** Hey! Great job guessing on the meaning of the chapter title! :-) I was hoping people would understand it! Yeah, James was kind of...okay...a lot stupid about his way of asking her out, but you're right, he is a guy and he's still learning. Don't worry; he'll get it right in the end, as we know he must. He'll figure out what he has to do to sweep fair lady off her feet. I already have it planned and have some of it written! Hehe, I get so ahead of myself! The end is so near...I'm sad... I'll miss your wonderful reviews.  
  
**Loves to Read:** I wanted her to say 'yes' too, but that little word isn't too very far away. For me its fluffy fan fiction and mint chocolate chip ice cream! A wonderful combination! I'm excited for seventh year too! A little sad, because my story will soon be over, but happy for my borrowed characters!  
  
**J.E.A.R.K.Potter:** I wish she could have said 'yes', but it's not time yet! Soon!  
  
**DOJ:** Thanks! I was pretty proud of that flower line. Taking the mickey out of? It basically means to make fun of someone. So, if you're making fun of your friend for something stupid they said, you're taking the mickey out of them. I didn't know either until I looked up British slang on the web.   
  
**WishIwasAtHogwarts:** I know, I feel bad for poor James, but he'll get her in the end, so that's something to look forward to! **  
**  
**Madabouterangelharrypotter:** I liked your last line! "For their friends sanity and mine". Please keep reading!   
  
**TrioSweethearts:** Sorry, right now, four chapter looks like all you can expect from this story, but, if you read the 'read this' thing above, you'll know my plans, and maybe it could be just as good.... who knows? Really though, there are better stories than mine. I'm quite an amateur, but that's what I'm writing on here for, to get feedback and to get better. Thanks for your encouragement!   
  
**ArtemisiaQuill:** Thanks! I glad to see you found my other story! Thanks for the support, but feel free to give me constructive criticism. I'm trying to become a better writer so every little bit helps. Why must he suffer? Because I am the writer! Haha! Just kidding. Sorry, I've had to much sugar...but really, to quote my beta reader, "It's just one of those things." J.K Rowling, as wonderful as she is, set the stage for James's suffering. It makes a nice story though. Thanks, I try to make James and everyone else believable and as close to the originals as possible. Please keep reading!  
  
**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus:** Thanks! I appreciate your reviews!   
  
**Beth:** Yeah, James still has quite a bit to learn. Don't worry, he'll figure it out. That's okay. I know how the homework thing goes. I think teachers get together and plan to give students projects all at once or something.   
  
**KaguyaEvenstar:** She ran away because she didn't know what to do and it was just kind of her natural reaction to the situation. Besides, I didn't know what to make her say in response to that. :-)  
  
**DarkChaos:** Maybe? But if I die, then I wouldn't be able to update and you'd never know I was going to end it! :-)   
  
**LilyFlower1001:** Thanks! I'm always glad to hear it!


	16. It's in Writing

**Disclaimer:** Alas, J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.

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**beta by:** ilovethedotgame

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**Chapter Sixteen: It's in Writing**

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When I woke up this morning everyone was already gone to breakfast, which was odd since Emmeline isn't exactly an early riser, and I would have thought that somebody would have bothered to wake me up, especially since today was my birthday.   
  
It turned out that everyone in Gryffindor House was waiting for me in the common room and the moment I appeared they burst out into the Happy Birthday Song.   
  
My eyes found James in the crowd and I mock glared at him, knowing that he was the one behind all this.   
  
After the song had ended and people started heading off to breakfast, he came over to me and took my hand and wished me a happy birthday.   
  
Behind us, I could swear I heard Sirius say, "snog already." but I can't prove it.  
  
For my birthday, James gave me a necklace. It's beautiful, a glass lily on a silver chain. He seemed extremely nervous when he gave to me, but then perked up when I told him that I loved it. And I do, it's probably the nicest piece of jewelry I own. I just hope that he didn't spend too much on it, after all, we're just friends.   
  
Today has been great. I'm officially an adult by wizarding standards even if I'm not by Muggle ones. This summer I'll be able to do magic at home! Look out, Petunia! I won't actually do anything to her, but she won't know that.There's a quidditch match tomorrow, the last of the season. It's Gryffindor versus Slytherin for the House Cup. I can't wait! It's going to be a great game. Our team beat them before and we can do it again. I know it.   
  
Today, I was talking with James during lunch about the upcoming match. He's been holding extra practices to get his team in shape. Well, they are in shape, but no one can convince James of that. He thinks that he should go out and practice on his own the nights the whole team doesn't have practice.   
  
Me: "You're not the whole team, you know."  
  
James: "I know. I just feel that I'm not quite up to par, and that I should be better."  
  
Me: "Team isn't spelled with an 'I'."  
  
James: "You're right. There is no 'I' in team. However, there is a 'me'."  
  
Me: "James!"  
  
James: "Just kidding!"  
  
I think he's being slightly obsessive about this match.Sirius has decided to get out the poster he made of James at the last match and hang it up over the Gryffindor section again. Why he feels the need to do this, I have no idea.  
  
Just like for the last Slytherin versus Gryffindor match, James and Sirius have been trying to raise Gryffindor moral and spirit. I must say they're doing a good job of it so far.   
  
James gave another speech this morning on Gryffindor pride and the necessity of beating the Slytherins into the ground. Everyone (myself included) cheered and began chanting, "Go, Go Gryffindor!"This morning was the big match and guess which team won?   
  
GRYFFINDOR!   
  
James and the rest of the team were brilliant! Before he left breakfast to go down to the locker room with the team he told me that every goal he scored was for me. I thought it was kind of sweet, especially since he scored quite a few goals, I believe it was ten.   
  
For the occasion, Alice, Emmeline, Hestia and I all wore red and gold ribbons in our hair and Alice put a charm on her cloak so that across the top of the back it read, "Longbottom" and then underneath it, were the words "Seeker".   
  
Unknown to me, Sirius had put the same charm on my cloak, except it read, "Potter" and "Chaser". I didn't even realize this decoration until James pointed it out.  
  
James: "I like your cloak."  
  
Me: "It's the same one I wore to the last Hogsmeade trip."  
  
James: "I like it even better now."  
  
Me: "Why?"  
  
James: "Oh...you don't know?"  
  
Me: "No, what is it?"  
  
James: "The back."  
  
It was then I discovered James's name and position on the back. I originally suspected Alice, since she did the same thing to her cloak, but then Sirius came waltzing up to me and asked if I liked what he had done with my cloak.  
  
Me: "Yeah, actually, I do."  
  
Both: "What?"  
  
Me: "Well...it shows my support for my friend and my Gryffindor spirit all in one. How could I not like it?"  
  
James looked slightly disappointed. I know that he would have liked to hear me say that I liked it because of him being more than a friend to me, but...I can't tell him that.Confession: That entry way back about my having a tiny crush on someone? That someone was James.   
  
I admit it alright? I fancy James Potter.   
  
There, it's in writing. Happy?  
  
But, I'm not going to do anything about it. I'm convinced that it's nothing more than a stupid infatuation and by this time next year, I'll be wondering how I could have ever had feelings for my friend.   
  
The other day, Emmeline asked me what was not to like about James, and I honestly didn't have a very good answer for her. I think it made her kind of suspicious, actually.   
  
I said that he still runs his hand through his hair and that he still had a bit of an ego, but other than that he was a very likeable person. And, he is. James is great. I just can't see myself with him, that's all. I don't think we're meant to be, so I'll just fantasize about what can never be.  
  
I'm sure he'll get over me during the summer holiday, and I'm sure I'll get over him.

Our last Hogsmeade trip of the year is coming up this weekend.   
  
Stephan Perks wasted no time in finding me in Herbology and asking if I'd consider going with him. Next to me, I saw James tense and tighten his hold on his gardening shears.   
  
I may have feelings for James and I certainly want to get rid of them, but I don't want to hurt James in the process, so I said no. Stephan's a nice guy, but I don't like him like I like James.   
  
Stephan: "It's because of James, isn't it?"  
  
Me: "What? No!"  
  
Stephan: "It's okay if you like him, I understand."  
  
Me: "I don't like him. I just don't feel that way about you. Sorry."  
  
Stephan: "Like I said, it's okay."  
  
Me: "Thanks."  
  
Stephan: "Good luck with James."  
  
His last remark shocked me and I simply stared at my plant as he walked off. He thinks I like James. Am I obvious? I hope not.

Today was the Hogsmeade trip.   
  
Alice spent the day with Frank since this is his last year and he's going on to Auror training after Hogwarts. They'll barely see each other at all next year. I hope they can maintain their relationship; they're perfect for each other.   
  
Emmeline occupied her time with that Vance boy again. I don't really care for him. I guess he's nice enough, but he's not quite.... James.   
  
Oh, Merlin, I'm comparing my friends' boyfriends with the guy I fancy. Not a good sign.   
  
Anyway, Hestia and I spent the day with Remus, Peter and James. Sirius was on a date with a girl named Marlene.   
  
As usual, our friends found a way to leave us together. They promised to meet us at one o'clock at Three Broomsticks and then walked off together. I tell you, they're getting bolder.   
  
We decided to just walk and enjoy each other's company and James began commentating our tour.   
  
"On your left, you can find Honeydukes, a sugar lovers paradise. May I recommend a slab of their chocolate?"  
  
"And now, my personal favorite, Zonkos! Here young mischief makers can find everything they need to prank their enemies and make Filch's life miserable."  
  
"The Three Broomsticks is a popular hangout spot among most Hogwarts students and the commentator would like to take you there for a drink."  
  
So, we went into Three Broomsticks. While James went to get us drinks, I looked around and saw several couples having a drink and realized that that was exactly what James I were doing. But, it's unlikely that he saw it as a date. He knows how I feel about him saying that we're dating. Or, at least, he knows how I felt...  
  
We had a nice chat about what we planned to do with our summers. James plans to, what else? Play quidditch! I never would have guessed. He also plans to write me, have his friends over, write me, play some more quidditch and write me.  
  
I think I'm going to be getting a lot of letters this summer. I don't mind really, usually receive so little mail, it's nice get some once in a while.   
  
The only problem with getting lots of letters from James is this: How am I supposed to forget my feelings for him of I get letters from him? Maybe he won't say how much he likes me in his letters. I hope not. But...never mind.Exams are next week, and everyone is studying and nervous beyond belief. The only people who are calm are James and Sirius. But then, they're smart enough to have no worries about exams and still do unbelievably well. Lucky prats.  
  
Today, I caught them trying to sell a group of fifth year students some brain enhancing stuff that was actually a bottle of potion that is actually meant to make you be able to stay awake longer. That would be bad, since you need all the sleep you can get around finals time.Well, exams are over and I lived. Barely. The end of the year feast was held tonight. When Dumbledore announced that Gryffindor had won the House Cup, James, Sirius, Remus and Pete all stood up and threw their hats in the air. Unfortunately, James's hat landed in Snape's goblet of pumpkin juice. Oops. Needless to say, James decided that he was going to have to buy another hat for next year.This has been a great year. I have four new friends, Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup and House Cup and life is good.   
  
On the train home, James and Sirius entertained us all, as usual. For some reason or another, they felt the need to buy everything off the food cart. And they ate it all! I couldn't believe it! Where did it all go? I wish I could eat that much and not gain any weight.   
  
Sirius decided to try and build a card house out of exploding snap cards, which was a very bad idea. The house blew up as we turned a corner and his right eyebrow was singed. The strange part was that he seemed to wonder why his card house blew up. Oh, Sirius.   
  
At the train station, my parents were once again talking with James's parents while they waited for me. As we approached I heard the words, "Sunday" and "dinner". Oh bugger.   
  
Somehow, I think I'll be seeing James at least three times this summer: Once for dinner at my house, once for dinner at his house, and Diagon Alley.   
  
And so, summer begins and so does my mission to forget James.

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Wow! I got 22 reviews! That's amazing! You guys just made my week! Since so many people said that they'd read "This is Not a Journal", I will be writing it! Thanks everyone!

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**child-of-scorpio:** Yes, I'm sorry, it is getting pretty close to the end. There's only going to be two more chapters after this one. Sorry, there's not going to be a sequel. You'll see why in later chapters.   
  
**WishIwasAtHogwarts:** I wish it didn't have to end, but it does. At least I have something to write after I'm done though. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to use your idea in this story. I got to thinking about it though, and I'll use it in "This is Not a Journal" instead. It will be a bit different. James will try to think of ways to get Lily to like him and he comes up with an idea to make her jealous, but Remus saves him form himself and doesn't let him go through with it. Thank you for the idea!  
  
**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus:** Thanks! So many people have said that they'd read "This is Not a Journal". I'm so excited!  
  
**sunglasses:** I'm always glad to see new reviewers! Tell your friend thanks for recommending my story to you!   
  
**Cleopatra Lunare:** Thanks! I feel that I've improved since the first chapter too.   
  
**MaraudersAreMyGods:** Of courser Lily and James are soul mates. :-) I love them; they're the greatest couple.   
  
**LilyFlower1001:** Thanks for the feedback!  
  
**J.E.A.R.K.Potter:** Thanks for the support and reviews!   
  
**TrioSweethears:** I'm horribly modest. I could be the beat at something and still say I was bad at it. I'm glad you have such confidence in me though! I wonder what James wrote in his journal too. I haven't started it yet, so I don't even know!   
  
**Delta:** Sorry, I've gotten a lot of great feedback from my other reviewers saying that they want to read, "This is Not a Journal" so that's what I'll be doing. It's meant to let everyone know what was James wrote in there, and to fill in the gaps. It may not fill all them, I don't know yet, but if you have any questions, you can always ask and I'd be happy to tell you if it didn't give anything away. And not to be mean, but why did you review about something in my bio? My friend Molly really didn't care, but Tales and I (Penguin) found it kind of rude. So, please keep your reviews to things about my story, good or bad, I don't care, it's your opinion and you're entitled to it.  
  
**Smudged:** She'll kiss him; don't worry! By the way, that's foreshadowing.   
  
**DOJ:** Of course I want to! Why do you think I asked? :-) People have been really supportive of the idea, so it looks like I'll have something to write after this story! Thanks for the nice review!   
  
**jj00:** Thank you much!   
  
**i-h8-sclub:** Thanks! I read so many where they just immediately become friends or go our, and I found myself thinking "It's not like that", so I decided to write my own story with my own ideas about how it all happened. Thanks for adding me to your favorites list!   
  
**cris-phoenix:** Thanks for being so supportive of the idea of writing James's journal. Yes, I do know how many I have planned. There are going tot be 18 chapters total, so only two more left.   
**Cutecat:** Thanks! Please keep reading!   
  
**buestar:** I know! Lily likes James! :-) James is so perfect. If only there really was a guy just like him! I know, I'm going to miss this story too, but I have writing "This is Not a Journal" to look forward to! All but one person out of nineteen said that they'd like to read James's journal! Even if they hadn't, I'd write it just for you! As always, thank you for the wonderful review! I always look forward to reading yours! They're the best!   
  
**buggy:** You think I'd stop now? Not likely. I'm so close! Please keep reading an reviewing!   
  
**DarkChaos:** Your classmates? What? Sorry, but your review didn't make sense to me. Thank you for reading and reviewing though!   
  
**Loves to Read:** Well, she knows it now! Yeah, there won't be a sequel, but I won't need one. "Great and mighty author"? Whatever you say! 


	17. Defeat

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Disclaimer: Alas, J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea. 

beta by: ilovethedotgame

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Chapter Seventeen: Defeat

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****

**This chapter is dedicated to bluestar, who thought that Lily should know that James saved Snape's life and for the wonderful reviews that always inspire me and make me smile.**

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It hasn't even been an entire day into summer break and I've already received a letter from James. A side note: Arrow seems to enjoy dropping letters on my head.   
  
Dear Lily,   
  
How are you? I'm fine. How has your summer been?   
  
Mum and I were wondering if you and your family would like to come for dinner on Sunday afternoon. Please, please come. Sirius is already driving me crazy. If you think he's bad at school, try living with him day in and day out.   
  
Most of the time he's not too bad, but when he gets bored, watch out!  
  
Please send me your reply as soon as humanly possible!  
  
Sincerely, James

I sent Arrow back with a message that I would see James and his family on Sunday and that I was looking forward to seeing him and Sirius.  
  
Notice that I said both him and Sirius. I can't let myself think of James in that manner. I just can't. It's all part of my plan to forget about James. I must stick to the plan no matter what.   
  
At approximately 6:30, my family, minus Petunia, arrived at the Potter's house. Petunia opted to visit her friend Yvonne instead. I think she remembered the last time we had dinner there when Sirius and James slipped pepper imps into her tea.   
  
I really didn't mind that she didn't come. I didn't need her to observe me around James. She's quite good at reading people like that when she wants to. She's always suspected that I liked James, but that was just because he's a wizard and she expects me to marry a wizard and have children with magical abilities. I swear it's her worst fear.   
  
In any case, we rang the doorbell and almost immediately the door flew open and James came bounding out and wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug.   
  
It would seem that he'd been watching through the front window, waiting for me to arrive.   
  
I returned his hug, but not quite to the extent he would have liked, I'm sure. My parents were standing right there and besides that, hugging him is dangerous.   
  
Dangerous? Yes, dangerous. I tend to forget myself in James's arms. He's so strong, but he holds me like I might break at any moment. Plus, there's the fact that he smells like the quidditch field after it rains.   
  
Well, after quidditch practice he smells like sweat and grass, which can be less than pleasant when he sits next you and tries to give you a hug when he knows that you think he stinks.   
  
But today, he smelled nice, and I wanted to bury my face in his shoulder and breathe it all in, but as I said, my parents were standing right there and my mum doesn't exactly need any encouragement to think that I like James.   
  
After greeting my parents and showing them to the sitting room where Mr. and Mrs. Potter were waiting, he grabbed my hand, insisting that he had something special to show me. We met Sirius on the stairs landing and James pulled him along too.  
  
We finally reached James's room and he led us over to a corner table on which sat a new record player with several records randomly stacked next to it.  
  
James: "Isn't it great?"  
  
Me: "Wow. You actually went out and bought one."  
  
Last summer when he said that he was going to buy a record player, I really didn't think he was serious. Guess I was wrong.  
  
James: "Of course it did! I love it!"   
  
Sirius: "I really didn't want to bring it up, Prongs, but...I can't let this go on any longer."  
  
James: "What?"  
  
Sirius: "This record player is ruining my health."  
  
James: "It's what?"  
  
Sirius: "Ruining my health."  
  
James: "How?"  
  
And I thought that James was lying when he said that Sirius was driving him nuts.  
  
Sirius: "I understand that you really like this thing and that that one song is very near and dear to you, but honestly, try to limit your listening."  
  
Me: "How does that affect your health?"  
  
Sirius: "He plays the bloody thing all the time. Even at night!"  
  
James: "I do not!"  
  
Sirius: "Oh, I'm sorry. That sound coming from your room at approximately 12:30 last night couldn't possibly have been "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by those Beatle people. My bad. I guess I need my hearing checked."  
  
James turned a bright pink color, but made no retaliation other than scrunching up his nose in Sirius's direction.  
  
Sirius: "Speaking of hearing things, I could have sworn I heard _someone_ singing "I'll Get You" this morning in the shower at six o'clock."  
  
James: "You heard me?"  
  
Sirius: "Mate, you were signing so obnoxiously loud that I'm surprised the neighbors didn't complain."   
  
James: "What neighbors?"  
  
Sirius: "...fair point...Oh, you should have been here Lily. It was quite the concert."  
  
James: "Lets go outside, shall we? It's really nice outside today."

Sirius made sure that James left the room before he did to avoid being whacked in the head by James, who was still a very bright shade of red.  
  
Would you believe that James has a mini quidditch field in his backyard? Of course you would; this is James. Sirius wanted to play a quick game so he and James had a bit of scrimmage while I watched. I was wearing a skirt, so riding a broomstick really wasn't an option.   
  
Watching them play was fairly amusing, though. This wasn't an official match, so they didn't exactly follow the rules. They frequently used creative tactics to maneuver around the other. Sirius kept waving at me so that James would turn around to look at me, and by then Sirius was at the opposite end of the pitch.   
  
After James had redeemed himself and thoroughly beaten Sirius we walked around the grounds, which are very pretty. I found myself blushing when Sirius pointed out James's lily garden. He told me that James tends the garden himself. Sirius had to dodge James's swipe at him and walked backwards, facing us as he told me that Mrs. Potter takes care of all the other plants, but no one except James is allowed to so much as touch the lily garden.   
  
Dinner was excellent, courtesy of the house elfs that have residence at the Potter house. There must be an entire army living there considering the size of the house.  
  
We were forced to sit and talk about school and other boring topics. Eventually, Mum and Mrs. Potter got to talking about something that kept them quite occupied and dad and Mr. Evans were discussing football teams.   
  
Once the parents were busy, we quietly slipped out and decided to go back outside since it such a nice night with a bit of a breeze. James thought that I'd be cold in my short-sleeved shirt, so he summoned one of his jackets from his room. It was a deep navy blue color with the name Silver Arrows on the back and a silver arrow on the back going through the letters.   
  
Seeing that James's height of six foot one is quite a bit more than my five feet four, the jacket was kind of big on me, but it was warm and I was grateful for it.  
  
For a boy who thought it was too chilly for short sleeves, both he and Sirius had short sleeves on and neither one of them mentioned it being cold or needing something warmer on. Something tells me he wasn't just concerned about me being cold.   
  
When it was time to leave, James pulled me to the side and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and a hug, telling me that he'd see me soon.   
  
I completely forgot that I was wearing James's Arrows jacket and I accidentally left his house still wearing it. Looking back, I think he knew I still had it on, because he had a quirky smile on his face and Sirius was nudging him in the ribs. That prat. He let me walk off with his coat! By the way, I mean 'that prat' in the best sense.  
  
To be truthful, I don't really mind. The jacket smells just like him.  
  
I'm not doing very well at this forgetting James thing, am I? Bugger me. Well, it's been over a week since I saw James, but I've received two letters from him and one from Sirius.   
  
While James's letters were nice and I enjoyed reading them, Sirius's letter was the best. It was a plea for me to ask James to stop trying to kill him. It would seem that James wasn't very pleased with Sirius after Sunday night. I can't imagine why.  
  
Yesterday, I had Alice over to spend the night. We got to talking and inevitably, the conversation turned to James.   
  
Alice: "I can't help but wonder what you would do if you did like James."  
  
Me: "I dunno...I probably wouldn't do anything."  
  
Alice: "Just like you're doing right now?"  
  
Me: "Exactly."  
  
I didn't mean to let it slip, really I didn't it, it just...popped out.   
  
Alice: "So you admit you like him!"  
  
Me: "That's not fair! You tricked me!"  
  
Alice: "Sorry, but I had to know!"  
  
Me: "You can't tell Hestia or Emmeline or anyone at all for that matter."  
  
Alice: "I won't, I promise."  
  
I trust Alice, she won't tell anyone. Everyone in our dorm tells her their secrets, but she never so much as breathes a word.   
  
Alice: "So, you're not going to tell him how you feel?"  
  
Me: "No, I'm trying to forget my feelings for him."   
  
Alice: "Why? What's wrong with liking James? He's a great guy to like."  
  
Me: "I don't know...he's my friend."  
  
Alice: "And you're his friend, but he still worships the ground you walk on."  
  
Me: "But..."  
  
Alice: "So, if there's nothing wrong with liking him besides the fact that you're friends, what's wrong with liking James?"  
  
Me: "I'm scared."  
  
Alice: "Of what?"  
  
Me: "Scared of my feelings for him...scared that if I admit I like him that..."  
  
Alice: "That he'll stop liking you?"  
  
Me: "Yeah."  
  
I've never written it, but it's true. I'm scared that if I tell James how I feel about him and we start going out, he'll loose interest in me and find some other girl to chase. I know that James isn't that kind of person, but there's always that nasty little voice in the back of your head telling you what could go wrong.   
  
Alice: "You know what they say, "It is better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all."  
  
To have loved? I don't love him! I certainly like him, but loved is way too strong a word to describe what James and I have. Have? We don't even have anything! Well, we have a friendship, but I'm rambling.   
  
Me: "I don't love James!"  
  
Alice: "I wasn't saying you did, I was just quoting a few words of wisdom. Give him a chance, Lily. He might surprise you."  
  
We continued to talk about guys: James, Frank, Remus, Sirius, and other random members of the Hogwarts male population.   
  
Frank is graduating this year and next year he's going to start training to become an Auror. I can tell that Alice is going to miss him. I would bet money that those two will end up married; they're so perfect together.   
  
James...I hardly know what to think of my friend any more. I don't have anymore of those moments that I think I don't like him. Those moments are long gone.   
  
I like James. A lot. But, I haven't the faintest idea of how to go about telling him of my feelings. I can't just walk up to him one day and say "Hey, James! Guess what? I really like you!"   
  
No way. Not happening.   
  
Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think the guy should do the asking out.   
  
Wait a minute...did I just say that I didn't know how to tell him that I fancy him? And did I basically just write that I was waiting for him to ask me out?   
  
Oh heavens.   
  
I admit defeat. I've been trying all bloody summer, but I can't get rid of these feelings that I carry inside. They just won't go away.  
  
What am I going to do?  
  
I'm not going to get over my feelings for James anytime soon, so I might as well embrace them. The next time he asks me out, I am going to say 'yes'.  
  
Today, on this lovely Friday afternoon, mum invited the Potters and Sirius to come over and have tea in the garden.   
  
I was assigned the job of opening the door and showing them to the garden.   
  
Mrs. Potter wanted to see my garden, which I thought was a little odd, but I agreed to show it to her nonetheless. Once we got out of hearing range of everyone else she stared talking. Really talking.   
  
She wanted to thank me. She said that my influence on James had been a profound one and that she was very glad I came into his life.   
  
I tried to assure her that I really didn't do anything, but she insisted that I did. She said that I helped James to grow up and become a better person.   
  
I think I mumbled something that resembled a 'thanks', but I can't be sure.   
  
She then started talking out how she had always wanted a daughter and perhaps someday, I would become something like a daughter to her. Of course, she didn't say it exactly like that, but she basically said that she hoped James and I end up married.  
  
We returned to the rest of group and Sirius, having never seen a Muggle household, wanted a tour.   
  
He found it very odd that none of our pictures moved and decided to prod them with his wand to try and make them come to life. Needless to say, it didn't work. All that he accomplished was nearly burning a whole in the wall.  
  
James stopped in front of a picture of me at Easter time when I was about five. I was wearing a white dress with a big bow in the back and pigtails in my frizzy hair.   
  
Me: "Oh, don't look at that picture. It's terrible."  
  
James: "Nah, you look cute in the picture."  
  
Sirius: "So, you're saying that she doesn't look cute now?"  
  
James paused and looked hard at me for a minute before responding, "Cute is for little girls. Lovely is for young ladies."  
  
Sirius started laughing, muffling the sound with both of his hands. James turned a rather impressive shade of pink, but didn't make any moves to repeal his words. I found that slightly comforting.   
  
While showing Sirius my room, he wandered over to my record player and sorted through my collection of records. He let out a triumphant "Ha!" and held up a Beatles record. It was, of course, the record with "I'll Get You" on it. Go figure.  
  
On my nightstand, I have several pictures of my friends and me. One in particular, has Me, James, Emmeline, Hestia, Alice, Remus, Sirius and Peter in it around one of the couches in the common room. All of us girls are seated and the boys are standing behind us, pretending to pull our hair or giving us bunny ears.   
  
All of the boys except James. Photo James stands behind photo me, leaning down, whispering in my ear and running his fingers through my hair.   
  
Sirius was very amused by this picture. He actually took out his wand and prodded James in the picture and told it to "Kiss her you prat!"  
  
And photo James did. He tipped back the head of photo me and kissed me on the mouth. And do you know what photo me did?   
  
I kissed him back! Everyone in the picture starting clapping and whistling!   
  
I'll never hear the end of this one, I can assure you.   
  
After tea, James got to talking about sports with my dad, and Sirius wanted to look at my record collection again. So, I took Sirius back upstairs to my room.  
  
Once there, he sat down in front of my crate of records and began to sort through them.   
  
Sirius: "It feels good to see my girl again."  
  
Me: "I'm not your girl, Sirius."  
  
Sirius: "I know, you're James's girl."  
  
Me: "I'm not his girl either."  
  
Sirius: "But you let him call you his girl."  
  
Me: "So?"  
  
Sirius stopped rummaging through the records and sat down on my bed. He patted the spot next to him, and I sat down by him. He took me by the shoulders and peered into my eyes for a moment before letting out a low whistle.   
  
Sirius: "You fancy James."  
  
He didn't say it as a question, he merely stated it, like he was remarking on what a nice day it was.  
  
Me: "No, Sirius, I don't."   
  
Sirius: "Oh, but you do. Alice told me."  
  
Me: "I'm going to kill her! She swore she wouldn't tell anyone!"  
  
Sirius's face broke into a wide smile and he began cackling and I realized with a sense of guilt that Alice hadn't betrayed me; he had made that up to get the information he wanted.  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
Sirius: "Merlin, help us all. Lily, you've got to tell him. The poor boy is just about going spare. He walks around in some sort of...trance. He mumbles 'Lily' in his sleep, he has your picture on his nightstand!"  
  
Me: "My picture?"  
  
Sirius: "No, McGonagall's. Yes, yours. Who else's picture do you think he'd have?"  
  
Me: "But..."  
  
Sirius: "But what? If you fancy him, and he obviously fancies you, what's the big deal?"  
  
Me: "He has to make the first move."  
  
Sirius: "We aren't old fashioned, are we?"  
  
Me: But it's more romantic that way."  
  
Sirius: "Women!"  
  
Me: "Men!"  
  
Sirius: "What? I'm confused...so, if Prongs - I mean James, asks you out, you'll say yes?"  
  
Me: "If he asks the right way."  
  
Sirius: "Why do you have to be so picky? Merlin's beard! What does James see in you? Oh well, I love you anyway. As a sister. So...can I have a hint of how he's supposed to go about asking you out?"  
  
Me: "Nope. He'll figure it out."  
  
Sirius: "I hope so. Otherwise I'll have to hear about it for the rest of time."  
  
Like I told Sirius, I think James will think of a good, simple way to ask me out. I'm not asking for anything elaborate, just plain old simple and sweet.   
  
I'm too orthodox. I can't make the first move. It has to be James. I guess this is more of my romantic side coming through. I've always felt that the guy has to do the asking. Besides, I think that it would ruin everything. James has been trying to get me to go out with him for almost two years and if I asked him out instead of the other way around, it just wouldn't be the same. He's worked so hard to get where he is; I don't want to take it away from him.   
  
I still have James's Arrows jacket. I accidentally (or not so accidentally) forgot to give it back on Friday.   
  
Today, I received my Hogwarts letter and guess what?   
  
I made Head Girl!!!!! One of my life goals is achieved!  
  
I wonder who the Head Boy is? I bet it's Remus. I'll owl him now and find out.   
  
Well, Remus just sent me back a reply saying that he isn't Head Boy and that he's quite glad, actually. However, he does know who the Head Boy is.   
  
James Potter is the new Head Boy.   
  
Can you believe it? I sure can't.   
  
It feels like summer just began, but here I am, all set to return for my final year at Hogwarts. I spent my entire day shopping for school supplies at Diagon Alley with my friends.   
  
Alice, Emmeline, Hestia and I were all at Flourish and Blotts buying our new schoolbooks. We had just split up when I happened across Remus in the Defense Against the Dark Arts Section flipping through the pages of a book about werewolves.   
  
We started talking and I mentioned that I was glad that he, James and Sirius were all on speaking terms again. And then, I received a bit of a shock. He told me that there was the one good thing came out that night and he felt I had a right to know it.   
  
We were in a public place so we were kind of talking in code, but as far as I can gather, this is what happened the night James told me never to talk about to another living soul:  
  
Apparently, Sirius told Snape about Remus's condition and James kept Snape from meeting Remus when he was "ill". James risked his life to save Snape. It was that night, Remus told me, that James decided to grow up.   
  
I never knew. How could I have, though? But...wow. Snape, his mortal enemy, and James put his life on the line for him. I never would have thought James capable of such a thing, but somehow, I can see him doing that.   
  
For quite a while now, I've been admiring of James's good qualities (as well as his bad) and this only makes him all the more wonderful in my eyes.  
  
I'm proud of him. That he was able to overcome his hatred and go against his best friend to save someone he detested. That takes a strong person. And James, I feel, has become that person.   
  
We ran into James at Florean Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor where he offered to buy me an ice cream cone. I let him, much to his delight, and we sat down and talked. No doubt my friends were rather suspicious, but it was a harmless conversation.   
  
We talked mostly about our plans as the new Heads. We haven't really come up with anything constructive yet. In all honesty, we talked about the Head Girl and Head Boy dormitory and what we thought it would be like.   
  
Since James is a pureblood, he's head many a story about the Head Dormitories. We'll see if any of them are true when we reach Hogwarts.   
  
I'm still comprehending the fact that James is Head Boy. I have no doubts that he'll rise to occasion magnificently. James never does anything halfway, and this new position should be no exception.   
  
My only fear is that he'll be biased against the Slytherins when they get into fights with Gryffindors. Oh well, I guess we'll burn that bridge when we get there.   
  
Today I'll board the Hogwarts Express for the second to the last time. This is my seventh and final year at Hogwarts and I'm determined to make it one to remember. With James and the rest of my friends by my side, I think I'll accomplish that goal. 

* * *

**Cleopatra Lunare:** Once a month? Your poor readers...:-) Yeah, I try to update once a week because I know it can be frustrating for people to wait a loooong time to read one short chapter. I'm not really involved in many outside school activities, so I have more time in that respect. Thanks for the review!  
  
**DOJ:** Stephan was sweet wasn't he? I didn't want to make him out to be the bad guy just because he wanted to date Lily, so I made him be nice about the situation. All this time...and we (well, I did) never knew! Denial all the way.   
  
**Hannah:** Why, thanks. Glad you like my little story! Maybe it's just your computer or internet or something, because I checked to see if the review buttons and endings where there and they were...? Thanks for letting me know though; it was nice of you.   
  
**child-of-scorpio:** I'm glad I could make your day! People updating often makes my day too. What's a GCSE? I'm guessing it's a big test, but that's a little obvious. I know, now we only have one chapter left! I'm sad because this is ending, yet excited, because I have a whole new story to start.   
  
**rachel:** Of course I'll write more!   
  
**ArtemisiaQuill:** James is sweet, I love him! And I will be doing "This is Not a Journal".  
  
**DarkChaos:** I get it now! Okay, I'll update!   
  
**J.E.A.R.K.Potter:** Thank you and I will!  
  
**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus:** Thanks! One more chapter!  
  
**WishIwasAtHogwarts:** Of course I'll use your idea! You're such a faithful reviewer, how could I not? I'm not sure where to out it yet, but because I haven't' written any of the next story yet, but I'll figure it out. Writer's block...yeah, I know what you mean. I have an Honors English paper to do, but do I know what to write? Nope!  
  
**kita:** Thanks for the very nice review!  
  
**bluestar:** bluetar? lol! I figured it was you when I first read it; I mean, how many people have blue and then something resembling a star? :-) Yup, Lily lied. She's guilty on all counts. Yes, it does mean that she's likes him for a while. But, she was in denial and a little scared of her feelings. Her thought process went something like this: If I don't admit it to myself and I don't write it down it's not true. I think the guy asking is more romantic too, as you'll find out. It would be an interesting twist, but I have something else planned. The next chapter will be the last. It will go into early November and then...I can't tell you! Sorry, but it's a surprise and I love surprises! I wonder how people are going to react to it...Sorry, I'm probably filling you with suspense and you'll wonder all week! But, just to let you know, I've already started it and I think their friends reactions are the best! :-)   
  
**killlillygetjames:** No! Don't kill Lily! Anywho, yeah, details are hard to get in, but I guess I've made it work alright.   
  
**misschickapee:** I know what you mean about the consistency! I read so many that start out great and then just fizzle out. It saddens me. I'm glad you think mine is consistent! I do try. And I know exactly what you mean about the names! If you noticed, I didn't give a name to the Potions professor, because I didn't want to make up some cheesy, just pain stupid name like so many people do. Of course she wouldn't forget him! How could she? He wouldn't let her!  
  
**laura:** I will, I promise!  
  
**Loves to Read:** You're going to have to wait! Until next week anyway, but I promise it will be on time, and maybe even a little sooner. I love writing Sirius's character, it's so much fun! By the way, I absolutely loved your response to the last chapter! So hyper! :-) 


	18. The End And The Beginning

* * *

**Disclaimer:** Alas, J.K Rowling owns all but the journal idea.  
  
**beta by:** ilovethedotgame  
  
**This chapter is dedicated to everyone who has ever reviewed my story! Thank you!**   
  
**Chapter Eighteen: The End and The Beginning**

**_I've broken the entrys up, so these grey lines don't mean that it's over. It's over when it says "The End!"_**

* * *

As usual, my parents escorted me the to Hogwarts Express and saw me safely aboard. We met James and Sirius at the baggage car and James kindly offered to put my trunk and owl cage away for me. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my dad give my mum an approving look. Well, if I ever do go out with James, I won't have to beg for their permission, that's for sure.   
  
Since we had to report to the Heads Compartment, James and I left together, which probably gave my mum the incorrect assumption that we're dating. I hope she won't be incorrect for too much longer.   
  
As I had hoped, James has taken to being Head Boy very well. He kind of took over the meeting and didn't let me do anything, but I think it was because he's trying to prove something. Since he wasn't a prefect last year, a lot of people think that James isn't the right person for the job, and he is trying to show them that he can do it.   
  
For several years, I felt the same way. I felt that I had to prove something. Being a Muggle born was difficult enough without having to deal with pureblood snobs who look down on me and people like me just because we don't have wizarding lines that date back farther than anyone can tell. I felt that I had to better than everybody else, and then maybe people would accept me.   
  
Now I know that I can't force them like me or accept me; they have to want to accept me. It doesn't mean that I've stopped trying to do my best; it just means that I've stopped trying to earn the approval of a people who will never give it to me.

Today in class, Rabaston Lestrange deliberately tripped James as he was turning in the sample of his potion at the end of class.  
  
James stumbled, but held on to his vial, saving him from failing for the day.   
  
Only last year, this would have started a full-scale war between the Slytherins and the Gryffindors, but James completely ignored it. I think his words were: "Sorry Lestrange, guess I didn't see your foot there."  
  
Sirius was all in favor of beating the pulp out of Lestrange after class, but James told him no.   
  
This may sound incredibly stupid, but I'm proud of James. Like I said, last year he would have hexed Lestrange into oblivion. But this year, he was the better man and ignored it. He's come so far.

* * *

One of my many duties as Head Girl is to patrol the halls once a week at night to make sure that students aren't out of bed. At first, I wasn't too happy about this because it cuts into my homework and friend time, but I have recently decided that walking around the school at night keeping an eye out for students is not such as bad thing.   
  
In fact, it's quite a nice job.   
  
Why? Because I get to walk around the school at night with James.   
  
It's great. All we have to do is watch for students out of bed and it's not exactly strenuous work. Mostly, we just talk about school, our friends, quidditch, and a million other random things.   
  
Me: "It's ironic, last year you would have been the one lurking about after hours and now you're the one looking for people."  
  
James: "It does feel kind of strange. Sort of like how the other half lives."   
  
Me: "Do you still wander out at night?"  
  
James: "I don't know if I should disclose that information to the Head Girl..."  
  
Me: "How about to your friend?"  
  
James: "In that case...yes, I do sneak out sometimes. Not as much as I used to though."   
  
Me: "Can I come sometime?"  
  
James: "Lily Evans wants to sneak out at night?"  
  
Me: "I'm trying new stuff."   
  
James: "Sirius and I will take you to the kitchens sometime. How would that be?"  
  
Me: "Great."  
  
I don't know when we'll go, but I'm looking forward to it. I've never broken the rules in this way before. It'll be a brand new experience.

* * *

Tonight is the Halloween Feast, and it's been exactly two years since James first asked me out. I remember how he stood up and shouted it out for the entire Hall to hear. "Hey! Evans? Want to go out with me?" How unromantic and positively rude was that? Well, it's in the past now, and I'm sure that James would like to forget it. If it comes down to it, so would I.   
  
Sometimes I find myself wishing that James and I had become friends a long time ago. I wonder what our friendship would be like now. Would we be dating? Would we even like each other? Would we be seeing other people?   
  
Even though I wonder these thoughts on occasion, I like the way things are now. What happened before between us is history. It's in the past. I cherish the friendship that James and I share, and I wouldn't give it up for anything.   
  
Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but ever since I asked him to let me sneak out somewhere with him, I've noticed a change in James. He's not avoiding me, but he's completely obsessed with quidditch, Head Boy duties and schoolwork. He never seems have time to spend with me anymore.   
  
Maybe he doesn't like me anymore....

* * *

I was worried about James not liking me, so I consulted Alice.   
  
Alice: "Does James still like you?"  
  
Me: "That's what I said."  
  
Alice: "Are you completely blind? Of course he likes you! He's in l- Well, he likes you a lot and it's obvious to everyone else."  
  
Me: "Oh, I was just wondering. It seemed like he's been really busy lately and I haven't seen him much and then I thought that maybe he was avoiding me because he didn't like me and then..."  
  
Alice: "Lily! We've all been busy. I live in the same room as you, and I haven't seen you that much. It's okay."  
  
She's right of course.   
  
Maybe I should go ask Remus for his opinion.

* * *

Well, I just got back from consulting Remus who up until that moment did not know that I fancy James. I forgot about that little detail before I asked.   
  
Remus: "Sorry, Lily. I must have heard you wrong. I could have sworn that you just asked if James still liked you."  
  
Me: "I did."  
  
Remus: "Are you serious?"  
  
Sirius: "Of course she's not, I am."  
  
Remus: "Sirius, I'm serious."  
  
Sirius: "No, you're not, I am."  
  
Remus: "You know what I mean."  
  
Sirius: "No, I don't. All I know is that I walk in here to find you claiming to be me. Sorry, Remus, there can only be one me."  
  
Sirius left after that parting sentiment, leaving Remus with a very exasperated look on his face.  
  
Remus: "Thank Merlin there's only one of him."  
  
Me: "About James?"  
  
Remus: "Oh yeah. So, you really fancy our James, eh?"  
  
Me: "Maybe..."  
  
Remus: "Lily, trust me, he still likes you. The day that James Potter doesn't worship the ground you walk on will be the day that...penguins fly. And penguins will never fly, therefore James will always like you."   
  
I know I got the same answer from Remus as from Alice, but I feel better about Remus's answer. I think it's because Remus actually lives with James and knows him better than Alice. That combined with the fact that Remus is a very perceptive person and he picks up on a lot of stuff that everyone else misses, I should have expected an answer like this.

* * *

Today in Transfiguration, I had some trouble with the lesson so I asked James for assistance and he agreed to help me.   
  
Things were going fine until I messed up the spell and a loud bang and lots of smoke issued from my wand with a blast that sent me flying backwards. I thought I was going to land on the floor or worse, a desk (that would have hurt), when I felt strong arms wrap themselves around me and set me back on my feet. I looked up through the smoke into the face of my rescuer, and saw hazel eyes shielded by glasses staring back at me.   
  
James and I stared into each other's eyes for a moment before Sirius cleared his throat. He quickly released me as I whispered my thanks.   
  
I got five points taken off for disrupting the class, but the look in James's eyes when he caught me made it all worth it and more. I can tell; he still likes me.

* * *

Tonight, Emmeline came upstairs and told me that James and Sirius were at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me.  
  
I wanted to look nice for James, so I quickly brushed my hair and straightened my robes before hurrying down the stairs to meet him.   
  
As Emmeline had said, they were waiting for me, James looked expectant while Sirius looked slightly impatient.   
  
After we had exited the Common Room, the boys stepped into the shadows and motioned me over. As I came near, James pulled a silvery cloak out from underneath his robes. "Invisibility cloak." He muttered softly to me and threw the cloak around all three of us before we headed off the kitchens.   
  
I finally know how he and the rest of the guys were always able to get away with their pranks: The invisibility cloak! Of course they wouldn't get caught; no one could ever see them. I wonder where he got it?   
  
James's cloak isn't the only thing they use to help they move around the school undetected. They have a highly detailed map, which they call the Marauder's Map. It has everything you could ever want to know about the school on it. It has secret passages, passwords, and it even has little dots representing actual people moving around in correspondence with the real people.   
  
So way back when James was my personal stalker, this was how he always knew where I was. I'm not sure whether to be mad or impressed or both.   
  
I've never been to the kitchens before, so I was completely unprepared for the multitude of house elves that bombarded us when we walked in the door. By the way, the entrance is behind a picture of a bowl of fruit. All the house elves knew James and Sirius like family. Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else find that a little freaky? I mean, how much do they sneak down here? It's not they don't feed us at mealtime! But yet they both ate as if they hadn't had dinner already. Guys are so strange.

* * *

Are the teachers trying to kill us? I have more homework than I ever thought possible and I also have rounds tonight with James.   
  
At least that's one good thing about today. It's probably going to be the only good thing about it.

* * *

Have I got things to tell you! I'm so excited, I can barely write! Like I said before, tonight I had rounds with James. Well, we got tot talking as we usually do. At first, it was about nothing in particular, but then it got more serious. I'm jumping right to the serious part, because that's the important part.   
  
James: "Why do you sign your letters, 'Always, Lily Evans'?"  
  
Me: "Because I'll always be Lily Evans."  
  
James: "I wouldn't bet on that."  
  
Me: "Why not?"  
  
James: "Well, I'm assuming that you'll get married at some point or another."  
  
Me: "And why do you assume that?"  
  
James: "Because the guy that lets you get away isn't worthy of...I don't know what... but any guy that lets you get away from him is an idiot."  
  
Me: "What's so great about me?"  
  
James: "What's not great about you?"  
  
Me: "James..."  
  
James: "I'm just telling it like it is Lily. I like you. A lot. I admire your good qualities and I even admire your faults. If my liking the way you bite your fingernails when you're nervous or my liking the way that you chew on the tips of your sugar quills instead of sucking on them or how I like the way that you drum your fingernails on the desk when you're board or the way that I forget all my troubles when I'm with you doesn't convince you of my feelings then...I give up."  
  
Me: "What?"  
  
James: "I've been chasing you for two years and fifteen days and you still don't like me. I'm starting to think that I'm going to have to spend the rest of life without you."  
  
Me: "You can't help who you fall for. It's a funny thing, really, who some people end up falling for."  
  
I was trying to hint at the fact that I like him, but he seemed oblivious to it.   
  
James: "Take me and you for example. My friends thought I was nuts when told them that I liked you. They couldn't see you and me together. But I could. I always have. Lily...I have something to say to you that's been a log time in coming."  
  
Me: "Alright."   
  
James: "Lily...I know we haven't exactly gotten along in the past, but that was my fault. I was such a prat...but I hope that I've changed for the better and that I'm now a guy worthy of contending for your heart. You're...words can't express how wonderful you are Lily. You're the best sport I've ever known...except for maybe my parents.... After the way I treated you back in fifth year I'm surprised you're willing to come within fifty feet of me. Lily...if you say no, then that's it, I won't ask ever again. Lily.... I...Lily, would you go out with me? I would like to be able to call you my girlfriend."  
  
I realized then that I had to let him know how I felt now, or I might never get another chance.   
  
I stood on my tiptoes, and planted my lips firmly on his. He seemed rather surprised at first, but he soon relaxed and put his arms around my waist and pulled me close to him. One of my hands ended up in his hair and the other came to rest on his top of his chest so that my hand was half gripping his shoulder. I could feel his heart beating quickly underneath my touch.  
  
This kiss was different than the kisses that we had shared underneath the mistletoe at Christmas time; this kiss was full of meaning and feeling.   
  
I think that both of us had wanted to kiss the other like that for so long and when I kissed him, we just kind of.... forgot ourselves and became lost in it all.  
  
After a minute, James pulled away and looked into my eyes.  
  
James: "Is that a yes? Because if that wasn't, I don't know what was."  
  
Me: "Of course it's a yes, you prat! I wouldn't kiss just anybody like that."   
  
James: "Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend?"  
  
His face broke into a wide smile and I smiled back.   
  
Me: "Can you repeat that?"  
  
James: "I said: Is that..."  
  
Me: "No, the boyfriend part."  
  
We were both leaning in for another kiss when we heard someone clear their throat behind us.   
  
James whipped around, wand at the ready, clearly expecting so see a Slytherin standing there. But it wasn't a Slytherin. It wasn't even a student. It was Professor Dumbledore.   
  
It felt like my face was on fire I was blushing so badly. We were caught, and by the Headmaster no less. I was worried that he was going to scold us for practically snogging in the hallways while we were supposed to be doing our rounds, but then he smiled, and I could tell that he wasn't mad.  
  
Dumbledore: "Miss Evans, Mr. Potter. May I be so bold as to say, it's about time? I've watched you two for years. I was telling Professor McGonagall only yesterday that this year would be the year you two would finally come together, and it seems that I was right. Mr. Potter? A quick word, if you please?"  
  
He then took James to the side while I waited. Dumbledore talked to him for a bit and then James smiled and shook hands with the Headmaster. I don't know what Dumbledore said to James, he wouldn't tell me.   
  
James and I returned to the common room hand in hand, but all of our friends had already gone to bed, so they didn't get to see us together.   
  
James and I sat down one the couch (no, we did not snog) and talked.   
  
James: "Lily...how long have you felt this way about me?"  
  
Me: "Well...since about Valentines last year."  
  
James: "That long? And you never said anything?"  
  
Me: "I was in denial, alright? I didn't even admit it to myself until this summer."  
  
James: "What changed your mind about me?"  
  
Me: "You did."  
  
And it's true. His actions changed my way of thinking. However, it wasn't only James that needed to change, I needed to change to. I re-read this journal the other night, and I laughed at how completely and utterly stupid and naïve I was just two years ago. True, James was a pretty big prat, but I was a pretty mean person.   
  
There are things that James has changed about himself, but I really don't think it was all because of me that he changed. Certain events helped him to grow up and really, it was just the passage of time and the normal growing up that everyone goes through.   
  
After a bit more talking, James gave me a goodnight kiss and we parted for the night.  
  
When I got up to my dormitory, Alice was the only one still up waiting for me.   
  
Alice: "How were rounds?"  
  
Me: "It was great."  
  
Alice: "Besides the fact that you got to spend the evening with James, what was so great about rounds?"   
  
Me: "Alice, I'm dating James Potter."  
  
Alice is usually very calm and collected, but tonight she let out a yell and threw her pillow in the air.  
  
Alice: "YOU ARE? AHH! I KNEW IT!!! LILY! THAT'S WONDERFUL!"  
  
I was in the process of trying to quiet her down, when all the others girls woke up and demanded to know what was going on. Of course, Alice told them and soon everyone was yelling and making a huge racket. Some fifth year actually knocked on our door and told us to shut up.  
  
Hestia: "NO! Haven't you heard? LILY EVANS IS DATING JAMES POTTER!"  
  
It took several minutes and several more disgruntled students to calm my friends down, but eventually everyone settled down and went back to sleep. Everyone but me that is. I can't sleep, too much is going through my head right now.  
  
I, Lily Evans, am dating James Potter and life couldn't be better.

* * *

What the heck was that? I'm still awake, and I heard a really loud noise coming from the other side of the tower. It sounded vaguely like "Yes!" I wonder if James and the guys are celebrating too....

* * *

This morning, James was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs to escort me to breakfast. I took his hand, and amid whistles and cheers from our friends, we set off to the Great Hall.   
  
Sirius decided to make a right fool of himself and pranced down the hallways singing "James and Lily, sittin' in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes LOVE! Then comes MARRIAGE! Then comes JAMES with the baby carriage! I get to be Godfather!"  
  
James and I ignored him as best we could, but I ended up casting a silencing charm on him right before we entered the Great Hall, lest he decided to sing in front of the entire school.  
  
I love dating James. He's so sweet. Today he's been trying to put on this act of being the most wonderful boyfriend in the world. I told that he didn't have to try, he already was and that I liked him just the way he was.   
  
And I do.

* * *

James and I just returned from our first official date. We snuck out to Hogsmeade and went to the Three Broomsticks.   
  
Romantic? Not really.   
  
Original? Not in the least.  
  
Wonderful? Yes!  
  
The whole point of this journal was to write down each time each time James asked me out. Since I finally said yes, I don't think it's necessary to keep writing in here anymore. So long journal, it's been fun.

* * *

Wow, it's been three years since I last wrote in this journal. So much has happened between then and now that I feel I need to fill in the gaps.  
  
I'm marrying James Potter.  
  
He proposed to me on the anniversary of our becoming a couple. (November 15th) I can still remember exactly what he said.  
  
James: "Lily...I love you."  
  
Me: "I love you, too."  
  
James: "I've asked your father and he said that it was alright with him, and....well...Lily I love you and I'll never stop loving you. I know we were meant for each other. I want to spend the rest of my life with you Lily."  
  
He then got down on one knee and took my hand, slipping a glittering diamond ring onto my ring finger.  
  
James: "Lily Christine Evans, will you marry me?"  
  
It's still hard for me to believe sometimes that tomorrow I will cease to be Lily Evans and promise to become Lily Potter for better or worse, for rich or for poor, for sickness and in health, for as long as I live.   
  
I love James and I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Even if the rest of my life is two years, twenty years, or two hundred years, I want to spend it with James by my side. Merlin, how cheesy did that sound? Oh well, it's true.  
  
This will be my final entry in this journal. Maybe someday, years down the road, I'll pull this out and read it, for old times sake.   
  
This is not an end, but a beginning. It is a beginning of something greater and both mysterious and wonderful all in one. And so where I should write the end, I write:  
  
The End. And the Beginning.

* * *

  
  
James Potter slowly closed the journal and smiled, a mixed look of contentment and amusement was plainly written across his handsome face.   
  
Beside him, Lily Potter bit her lip anxiously, wondering how her husband would respond to her journal from their Hogwarts days. In front of her on the floor, a baby laughed happily in his playpen and she smiled down at their son.   
  
James turned to Lily and grinned widely. "You had this the whole time we were going out, and all the time we've been married and you've never showed it to me before?"  
  
"Maybe," Lily admitted shyly.   
  
"Why didn't you show it to me before?" James demanded, his smile widening as he watched Lily squirm.  
  
"I don't know...I just...."  
  
"I love you, Lily," James said as he pulled his wife closer to him on the couch.   
  
Lily looked up into the hazel eyes of her husband and smiled. "I love you too, James," She whispered and then their lips met in a tender kiss.  
  
** THE END**

* * *

It's over...teardrop. I hope you guys liked the ending, and just so to answer any questions, yes, James has been reading the journal the whole time. We weren't reading about the present, we were reading about the past. Don't hurt me! :-)  
  
**Mother Confessor:** Thanks!  
  
**WishIwasAtHogwarts:** I'm sorry there weren't candles, maybe in my next story I'll have Sirius tell James that there has to be candles, just for you. Thanks for recommending my story to other people; you have no idea how much that means to me.   
  
**ArtemisiaQuill:** Thanks, I don't know when I'll have "This is Not a Journal" up, but we'll see, it won't be too long I hope.   
  
**MPPSexxySiriusJamesRemus:** As always, thank you very much!  
  
**DOJ:** James is cute, isn't he? I hope you liked the end!  
  
**MuGgLeNeT27:** Thanks for reading my story!  
  
**i-h8-sclub:** Thanks, and I was happy to review your story. Which reminds me, you need to update!  
  
**Lillianna-Rose:** Well, it's over now. I have started it, but I'm not very far. :-)  
  
**DarkChaos:** Thanks, I will!  
  
**child-of-scorpio:** Wow, that's a lot of tests. I'm glad I don't have to do anything that yet, or ever, I hope. I'm glad that I could make your day. Fan fictions often make my day too. Thanks for the really great compliment! Personally, I like the later chapters better, but I given the chance, I don't think I'd re-do the eariler ones... Anyway, thanks a lot for all of your encouraging reviews!   
  
**bluestar:** Yes, dedicated to you. You did suggest that Lily know what happened that night, and your reviews are always so nice and wonderfully encouraging. Thanks for everything. I'm going to miss this story too. I've had so much fun writing it and now it's over. But, at least I have "This is Not a Journal" to write. I tried writing some the other day, when I was still working on this chapter, and I couldn't do it! I was still in "Lily Mode". But now that I'm done, I've started on Ch.1 of my next story. :-) I'm Bbasset623, but I have everyone who's not on my buddy list blocked, (I was getting some disturbing people trying to talk to me) so you'll need to tell me yours in your review so that I can put it on the list of people who can talk to me. It's weird, I've wanted to actually talk to you for a while now, but I didn't want to ask for your screen name, but then you asked! Funny how these things work isn't it? :-)  
  
**kill lilly get james:** I know, I like James too. But, James and Lily are the best couple! Once a month? I've been updating once a week! :-/  
  
**Cleopatra Lunare:** Sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel guilty! I know, it is the end, but there's always the next story to look forward to!  
  
**Susan:** Thanks!  
  
**misschickapee:** I'll start it when I have a few chapters done. Don't hurt me! I have note at the bottom explaining things. Thanks for the reviews!  
  
**kittyofwonder:** Well, she admitted she liked him, she dated him, she married him, I hope you're happy! :-) I say hello to all my reviewers every chapter! So, "Hello!" No, I'm not a murder, just a slightly obsessive compulsive person! I hope you liked the end.   
  
**Lilly Parkinson:** Thanks!  
  
**pasmosa:** Thanks. I kind of like it too. It's something different.   
  
**J.E.A.R.K.Potter:** Thanks for this review and all the others.   
  
**Loves to Read:** I can tell! I hope you enjoyed the last chapter.   
  
I've had a lot of people wondering when "This is Not a Journal" is going to be posted. Well, to tell you the truth, I don't know! I have Chapter One almost done, but I want to write a couple of chapters before I post the first one. I want to make sure the style is right for how I want to portray James and I want to make sure that his journal doesn't sound too much like Lily's.   
  
My deepest thanks for everyone who has read this story and reviewed! You guys have been great and I appreciate everything! 


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